And just what is "cheating" anyway?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2011 9:42 PM GMT
    I was reading a post here a few days ago from some guy what was "tempted to cheat" on his BF with a guy he was camming with. I got the impression that he thought online jackoff sessions were cool, but physical contact is where the cheating begins.

    In my book, cyber sex is no different than having the other guys dick in my mouth.

    Ultimately, I think "cheating" has to be a common definition arrived at between you and your boyfriend together. If you both agree where the line is, then anything over that line make you (or him) a "cheater".

    Where do you draw the line? Would your BF agree with you?
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    Dec 14, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    I think you pretty much answered your question. If two guys have a common definition of what cheating is then there should be no room for discussion. If his BF is ok with him camming then cam away I say!!!
  • nvaguy69

    Posts: 54

    Dec 15, 2011 3:12 AM GMT
    Seems everyone's definition of "cheating" is different. Guys being guys, I think you need to get real. Men can easily separate a purely physical, lustful moment and never give it a second thought after the fact. That's not cheating. For me, it's when any emotional bonding comes into play with someone who isn't your bf or partner that the line is crossed.

    I think it's rediculous to think that flirting online or "camming" is cheating. And, in my opinion, anyone who does is most likely an insecure and possibly controlling person in general. To me, this is no different from jerking off to porn or an image of someone who isn't your partner, bf, or significant other.

    Men can easily separate sex from emotional ties. For women, the two are typically one and the same usually.
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    eddie13 said

    Eddie13 I like the way you thinking. >:]
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    eddie13 said


    love it.

    and she's so beautiful
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    For the record, many sex and relationship counselors don't consider cybersex cheating... as long you and your partner have an honest and open understanding about it. Disparate sex drives are quite common in relationships, gay and straight, and cybersex can be a healthy solution.
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    Social networking brings another interesting dynamic into it. Lots of guys in relationships are on apps like Grindr and think it's completely okay. Some (myself included) believe places like RealJock that, while centered around a theme like fitness, are also out of bounds in a relationship because it's still a place where gay guys can post naked pictures and actively look to meet other gay guys. It really depends on the couple though.

    Personally, if I caught my signicant other sending photos or web camming with his junk out, the trust would be pretty broken and I'd be a free man again.
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    Yeah. If your someones BF and you have your pussy out on the internet that's a recipe for fail. Sorry.
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    Dec 15, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    In the old days a legal definition of what we are calling cheating could be "alienation of affection." That is, sharing intimate, romantic or lustful feelings with another person, outside of a couple's established relationship. There wasn't even a legal requirement that physical contact had occurred, but rather that the preexisting relationship had been weakened, imperiled and even actually terminated as a result of this involvement with a third party.

    Well, legalities aside, I know what cheating is. It's when thoughts of other guys displace thoughts of my partner. I don't have to touch them, but if I daydream about having actual guys I see in person, instead of my partner, that's cheating in my view.

    I exempt from this the viewing of gay porn, which I consider mere eye-candy, not guys we really know in person. He can look at nude guys on his computer all he likes (and he does!), I don't feel threatened in the least. I consider it a boost for his hormones, that will make him crave me all the more, for a better session in bed. I'm not worried or insecure about him dumping me for a porn star.

    So that's how I personally view cheating.
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    Dec 15, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    Anything sexual with another man or woman in anyway is bullshit and cheating in my book. Harmless flirting whatever... I don't mind but anything beyond that and I'm going to have a REAL problem with it.
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    Dec 15, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidI walked in on my then-bf once having phone sex with a guy. He hung up immediately and followed me down the hall babbling apologies. But I didn't care. He never understood that---I just wasn't threatened by it.


    Whatever works for you is okay by me, but I'd prefer a BF who did care.

    So, you're not together anymore?
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    Dec 15, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    nvaguy69 saidSeems everyone's definition of "cheating" is different. Guys being guys, I think you need to get real. Men can easily separate a purely physical, lustful moment and never give it a second thought after the fact. That's not cheating. For me, it's when any emotional bonding comes into play with someone who isn't your bf or partner that the line is crossed.

    I think it's rediculous to think that flirting online or "camming" is cheating. And, in my opinion, anyone who does is most likely an insecure and possibly controlling person in general. To me, this is no different from jerking off to porn or an image of someone who isn't your partner, bf, or significant other.

    Men can easily separate sex from emotional ties. For women, the two are typically one and the same usually.


    I'm just curious......you make a distinction between transactional (okay) and emotional (not okay) connections. You say cam stuff is okay because there isn't an emotional connection and that if someone has a problem with that they're "insecure and possibly controlling."

    So, would you be okay with your bf fucking some other dude as long as there isn't an emotional connection? To me, that's a logical extension of your argument, but I'm not sure where you'd come down on that one.

    And just to be clear about my position, whatever a couple wants to negotiate is fine by me. It's none of my business. For me, I want monogamy and my bf to get his sexual, physical, emotional needs satisfied by me and vice versa. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way but that's my two cents.
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    Dec 15, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    if you need someone else to rev up your engine...........they can service your car too.........Eddie's garage doesn't deal with competition.....
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    Dec 15, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    I don't get the gay cheating thing either. It's so lame to copy heterosexual
    mating ritual. I especially don't get it when the guys involved have had a relationship for sometime but they don't they even live with each other and they jack off to porn 3 times a day.
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Dec 15, 2011 7:57 AM GMT
    If the person goes beyond the boundaries established in the relationship and feels the need to hide something, they should not be doing it.

    And what is this about men can easily separate sex from emotional ties and women can't?
  • monstapex

    Posts: 478

    Dec 15, 2011 8:09 AM GMT
    so if i jack off to porn while my boyfriend is away or not in the mood .i'm cheating on him?..isnt that same as camming with someone 500 miles away who i'll probably never meet?
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    Dec 15, 2011 8:37 AM GMT
    And just to be clear about my position, whatever a couple wants to negotiate is fine by me. It's none of my business. For me, I want monogamy and my bf to get his sexual, physical, emotional needs satisfied by me and vice versa. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way but that's my two cents.[/quote]

    This exactly. Whatever two people in a relationship decide is fine. But whether or not men can separate the physical from the emotional is beside the point for me - being in a relationship is about being totally invested in the other person, not looking for it somewhere else. And watching a porno is different than camming because when you cam you're still interacting with another person - a porno you're just watching the video. It's different in my mind.
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    Dec 15, 2011 8:56 AM GMT
    camming and sending photo's of yourself online is a cheap and easy way to get compliments and attention and is for the insecure.
    It is not cheating because it isn't cheating either if you take a shower after a gym session and someone compliments you on your great physique! No matter how beautifully you might have been stretching. Neither is it cheating to compliment someone else!

    It's just really really really really insecure.

    Just saying
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    Dec 15, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    Cheating is anything you have to lie about or hide from your partner. If you both agree that fucking everyone in town is fine - it's not cheating. If your partner asks you not to cam and you agree to that - yet you continue to do it on the down-low - it's cheating. Cheating is more about dishonesty than a physical act. If you can't agree on the rules and stick to them, you're going to have problems.

    Personally, I think camming and cybersex are nothing more than interactive porn.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    strapguy saidCheating is anything you have to lie about or hide from your partner... Cheating is more about dishonesty than a physical act. If you can't agree on the rules and stick to them, you're going to have problems.


    +1
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:24 PM GMT
    Bartfish saidcamming and sending photo's of yourself online is a cheap and easy way to get compliments and attention and is for the insecure.
    It is not cheating because it isn't cheating either if you take a shower after a gym session and someone compliments you on your great physique! No matter how beautifully you might have been stretching. Neither is it cheating to compliment someone else!

    It's just really really really really insecure.

    Just saying


    I'd have to disagree with you on this.

    If you are in a relationship and you are camming and sending someone nude pix then that is a form of cheating (depending on what type of relationship you have) especially if you are doing it secretly. It's got nothing to do with insecurities. It's more about honesty. You're (not you) instigating and initiating in doing something that your partner wouldn't approve of and sending pix/camming is a catalyst for something to happen. Think of it as premeditated. A thought that gives birth to action resulting in a cause and effect.

    If you're taking a shower in the gym and someone gives you a compliment then that's not bad. It could be bad, though, if you keep going back to the gym shower at the same time everyday and keep purposely flashing or showing yourself to the same dude. Again, you'd be instigating something to happen and more then likely it would.

    I would agree with what the others have said. It depends on the relationship and what the couple decide upon and define as "cheating". Whatever works best for them I say. Personally, If I'm in a relationship I'm not gonna act like I'm single. That would defeat the purpose of being in a relationship and I require two things in relationship: trust & communication. If I can't have both then it won't work out.

    "It takes two to tango but there is always someone who takes the first step and leads the dance on."