Am I gay?

  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 15, 2011 12:07 PM GMT
    This queston is telling you how desperate I am. I hope to get some help here.

    I am a single Asian guy, 36 y/o, never have a bf/gf. I ever liked a Uni classmate. He is str8 and I was immediately attracted to him since I saw him on the first day of my Uni. Unfortunately, it took me over 10 years to come out of that daydream.

    When I was nearly 30, I had more chance to access the internet. I spent lots of time knowing about gay stuff. I know I like cute guys. It's a shame I have never enjoyed sex so far, though I ever hooked up with a few guys for a couple of times. All the sex experiences with guys I have had are less than 10 times. I Every time, I didn't feel as excited as watching porn. I shot very quickly.

    Maybe I am not into sex that much. What I always expect is to find a lover, to look after each other, to enjoy life together... I don't wanna die lonely. icon_sad.gif

    I am confused if I am really gay or just prefer the friendship with guys, since I don't seem into sex with guys. But I am sure I don't like girls.

    I am a bit shy and don't socialise much, especially I am very sensitive to gay things in public. So, only a couple of my good friends know about my confusion. They are gay couple. (Ridiculously, I knew about this just 5 months ago after nearly 2.5 years of our friendship. I always thought they were soul mates because they look after each other very well and live together. I don't have a gaydar, I reckon).

    I like next door white guys. At this moment, I like one of my colleagues very much. He flushed a couple of time when we first met on my job interview. He was among the interviwer panel then. I daydream of hugging and kissing him every second, even when driving(like my dark 10 years before). I don't know much about him. I observe he doesn't wear a ring, but has two kids' picture on his office desk. He doesn't socialise much in the company. At funcitons, he seems to chat with ladies only. Sometimes, we both talked about work issues. I always tried to avoid his smiling at me and looking at me, though I love his smile and beauful eyes. I don't know how to make eye contacts with people (I knew about this kind of communication just a couple of months ago)

    Could he be gay? I heard about some guys realising they are gay after marriage with girls. I assume he could be one of them, even though they have got 2 kids.

    Sometimes, I think I need a gay friend to help me know more about the gay group in real world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    From my experience with Asians (several), I've noticed that most of them do not enjoy anal or oral sex, with either gender. Fortunately, I don't enjoy it either.

    You're definitely gay because you are attracted to guys. Try finding one who favors touching and masturbation over anal and oral.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:19 PM GMT
    There are a few asexual dating sites - if you truly want a relationship without sex.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=asexual+dating

  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 15, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidFrom my experience with Asians (several), I've noticed that most of them do not enjoy anal or oral sex, with either gender. Fortunately, I don't enjoy it either.

    You're definitely gay because you are attracted to guys. Try finding one who favors touching and masturbation over anal and oral.



    Thanks, mate. My sex experiences were all other guys sucking my dick. I don't suck ( I think it's not hygienic, sorry for saying this) , but had to masturbate for fairness. I am selfish? I'd prefer cuddling than other sexual behaviours. I don't even understand why some guys enjoy sucking and being penetrated. This doesn't assure me of my sexuality as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    does your disk get hard when you see a hot naked guy?

    there's you answer.
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 16, 2011 8:56 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saiddoes your disk get hard when you see a hot naked guy?

    there's you answer.


    Thanks for your response, mate. I have to say NO because my dick has no reaction in that situation, even though I do enjoy watching cute guys.
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    Dec 16, 2011 9:26 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidFrom my experience with Asians (several), I've noticed that most of them do not enjoy anal or oral sex, with either gender. Fortunately, I don't enjoy it either.

    You're definitely gay because you are attracted to guys. Try finding one who favors touching and masturbation over anal and oral.



    Yet some of the best head I have ever had was from Asians, and roots too, and I've had several. They all wanted to please me, ans be pleasured by me too.

    I have a bisexual brother who too likes guys, but not long ago took a new wife, and he is not a poof.
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 16, 2011 10:24 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidImo, very few straight guys invest this kind of time wondering if they're gay.


    Imo?

    Thanks. I do hope I am sure I am gay icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    I'm asian and I don't enjoy anal sex and oral. Even though I've never been with a guy I know the things I don't like. I just like to get sexual and masturbate.
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 16, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    dayfly said
    yourname2000 saidImo, very few straight guys invest this kind of time wondering if they're gay.


    Imo?

    Thanks. I do hope I am sure I am gay icon_razz.gif


    imo = in my opinion icon_smile.gif


    Thanks, mate. You are rignt. icon_biggrin.gif

    I am actually a bit crazy about a colleague at this moment, but I can't tell if he is gay or not.

    We met at my interview in my current company. He is M and was one of the interviewers. The position is in C department but the project is mainly for D department. M is the manager of D. When I walked into the room, the HR person introduced me to him. We shaked hands and I noticed he flushed. At the end, I said bye to them and I noticed he flushed again. I was nervous at that time about the interview, but he did impress me by his neat and big eyes. He is shorter than me. By the way, I like white next door guy shorter than me. I am 180cm tall.

    Fortunately, I got this position. My boss is P who introduced me to other staff in the company on the first day. I met M again who showed me around his department and introduced me to his staff. When we sat down at his office, he began to explain the project. I was nervous, but he seemed more because he flushed a couple of times and was once at a loss in the middle of talking about the project.

    On the next day, M, P and I had a meeting about the project. In the end, he looked staight at my eyes and told me "if you have any problems on this project, just go to see me." I suddenly felt the heat on my face, lowered my head and murmured " I will ask for your help." In my memory, I had't had such a flush for ages. I'm a shy guy, but rarely flush.

    I work on the 1st floor. His office is on the ground floor. During the first couple of weeks, he flushed each time when we met in the mezzainine. I admit I did enjoy seeing his flush. But sadly, he doesn't now. hehe.

    I noticed he is not with a ring but there are 3 pictures on his desk, one with 2 lovely kids, one with a lady looking back from behind and another with him and 2 guys. I took a chance to ask if the kids are his, he said " yes, one is 3 y/o, one is 5." I felt disappointed.

    He seems quite busy. I ever sent his an email about one question. He forwarded it to someobody else to help me. So, I sent my next question to a lady, J in his department. J replied me that M would go to see me later. Well, this later lasted 3 weeks and he didn't come to see me. (He was sick for a couple of days. I sent him an email with " I hope you are recovering quickly, M". Apparently, it was ignored by him because he didn't even give me any response). After knowing my questions hadn't been solved, my boss, P sent M an email to push him to come. He arranged with me to meet that day at my spot. He didn't seem happy at the beginning, but as it went on, he became relaxed and ever looked me several time, smiling. I love his big eys and smile, but I was not confident in eye contacts with him and turned or lowered my head to avoid him( stupid!) I didn't even look at him directly once during our meeting. About eye contact, I realised it's a very useful communication a couple of months ago on youtube. I do need to practise a lot on cummunication skills.

    After our meeting, I reported it to P who asked if M mentioned to organise how often we could meet up for problem-solving because he discussed with M on phone that day. M didn't mention a word about it. I expressed that I'd rather resort to his other staff than him since he is very busy. P told me everybody is busy at work, especially M wouldn't like other people to cut in this project. At a meetin before I was employed, M said he would take full responsibility for this work. I am confused. He doesn't seem to care about this project. And, he can organise his people to help me on this project.

    He is a shy guy. As a manager, he does't seem to socialise much with people. At company funcitons, he always chats with ladies in his department, not like other guys talking in male groups. For example, I did want to have a chat with him at our Xmas party a couple of days ago. But he had been chatting with a few ladies around a table since he turned up. I didn't get a chance till I left in the middle of the party. I am wondering how a guy has so much to talk with ladies.

    I know I must be realistic since he has two kids. And it's said many married guys don't wear rings as well, maybe they live with partners. However, I am still interested in him.

    What can I do, mate?
  • DinKai

    Posts: 9

    Dec 16, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    Having sex with the one you don't really love, especially a stranger, is just uncomfortable and somehow it makes you feel unhygienic. When you are really into a guy, like the guy you mentioned above, you would think a different way when having sex with him icon_smile.gif
    Besides, it also depends on what your favorite position which makes your more comfortable is - top or bottom. Some like both, some only choose one. Trying to undertake the position you don't really want to just makes things worse which may sicken your sex drive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    If you have to ask, then you probably are
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 16, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    From your long account of your interactions with "M", I am guessing that you are not native to Australia, and that your love-interest, M, is also Asian. (I pick up that there is a lot of averting of eyes, "flushing" as you call it, and nervousness, that would not be typical of westerners.) You say you are "Asian", but do not say from what country. Assuming you are from the same cultural background (Chinese? Japanese? Singapore?) as M, you should probably ask some gay guys from that culture how they approach guys. I don't think that you would get any valid answers from westerners. Especially if M is married. (You might just try having lunches with him - just the 2 of you - and see what happens.)
    Your original Q - yeah you seem to be gay or bi. With your aversion to the usual gay sex acts, though, it may take you a lot of searching before you find a compatible male partner.
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 16, 2011 10:20 PM GMT
    Suetonius saidFrom your long account of your interactions with "M", I am guessing that you are not native to Australia, and that your love-interest, M, is also Asian. (I pick up that there is a lot of averting of eyes, "flushing" as you call it, and nervousness, that would not be typical of westerners.) You say you are "Asian", but do not say from what country. Assuming you are from the same cultural background (Chinese? Japanese? Singapore?) as M, you should probably ask some gay guys from that culture how they approach guys. I don't think that you would get any valid answers from westerners. Especially if M is married. (You might just try having lunches with him - just the 2 of you - and see what happens.)
    Your original Q - yeah you seem to be gay or bi. With your aversion to the usual gay sex acts, though, it may take you a lot of searching before you find a compatible male partner.


    Thanks, mate. I am Asian and moved to Australia 3 years ago, M is a local white guy which I am prety sure. Actually, he ever looked at me in our conversation, it was me who is not used to this communication and averted it. He did flush when we met during the first couple of weeks. It is easy to tell because of his white skin. hehe.

    About eye contact with him, one Friday evening after work, I started my car in our car park and I glimpsed him sitting with 5-6 guys under the upper lever stairs. They seemed to be organising a meeting or something. That space could be a place for group activities because I have later noticed there are often some guys(20-30 y/o around, I reckon) gathering there, chatting and drinking beers on Friday evening. I was very curious, driving by that area in car and looking at him. He noticed me and turned back his head. I kept looking to figure out what was happening there. A couple of seconds later, he turned back and looked at me. If I hadn't had to turn left in the car, our eye contacts would have lasted longer.

    A couple of days ago at company, we all staff were called to gather in the mezzainine. Our CEO made a preXmas speech. Before the speech, staff stood there, chatting casually. M stood nearly opposite to me across the the floor(3-4 meters). I did wanna say hi to him or made an eye contact. In public, I hesitated to to that, but tried to give him a glimps several times, expecting to make an eye contact. But he didn't look at our side and pretended to be listening other guys talking. I used "pretended" because his posture told me did seem uncomfortable among guys. And he didn't talk as he ususally with ladies. During the CEO's speech, I gave him a glimpse now and then, but no response from the other side. I ever looked back for something, at my turned back, I glanced M was turning his eyes away from our side.

    I can't read eye contacts. Maybe he was furious at my behaviour, looking at him? Secondly, is it common nowadays married people don't wear rings? Thirdly, I don't understand a married/partnered man with two kids still spends time with other guys. Usually, this kind of men have a family to look after. Last but not least, at functions, even str8 guys prefer to gather together, talking casually. Why does M not join in but with ladies? At Xmas function, some staff got Annual Recognition Awards, including one of his team members. Many people walked to these people to congratulate. M always sat on the table with a couple of ladies, didn't go to his member to express. Maybe he did later, but during the time I was there, he didn't.

    I do hope to have a chance to chat with him. Well, I really don't know how to find it. Confidence is always a problem for me. I spend lots of time searching for his information online, like facebook etc. So far, I have got nothing about him. I found one id with same name as his on facebook with 2 kids with sunglasses on a picture. I'm not sure if they are his. But I found many friends of this guy's are from this city.

    Maybe I think too much. He doesn't wanna get close to me because as one of my bosses in this project, he will assess my work performance. He doesn't want it to be affected by private things? though I always treat work seriously and do my best at work.

    And, maybe I should go to see him as told when I have any questions on this project, but not just send him an email?
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 19, 2011 10:20 AM GMT
    Calidesertboy saidYou're at real jock so it's safe to say you like the peen


    sorry, peen?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2011 10:28 AM GMT
    If you think you might be gay then chances are you're probably gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2011 10:51 AM GMT
    tumblr_lwb7na9YhL1qln41v.gif
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 19, 2011 12:08 PM GMT
    Ckfeezy saidIf you think you might be gay then chances are you're probably gay.


    I don't fear being gay, but what worries me is I don't like sex that much, though I do like cute guys.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 21, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    dayfly said
    Ckfeezy saidIf you think you might be gay then chances are you're probably gay.


    I don't fear being gay, but what worries me is I don't like sex that much, though I do like cute guys.

    Maybe I think too much.

    You do think too much. If you don't like sex, don't have it, and forget about this guy. If you want sex, then have more sex - go to the baths/suanas, and watch, maybe participate. Or see a therapist - perhaps for years.
  • dayfly

    Posts: 11

    Dec 23, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    Suetonius said
    dayfly said
    Ckfeezy saidIf you think you might be gay then chances are you're probably gay.


    I don't fear being gay, but what worries me is I don't like sex that much, though I do like cute guys.

    Maybe I think too much.

    You do think too much. If you don't like sex, don't have it, and forget about this guy. If you want sex, then have more sex - go to the baths/suanas, and watch, maybe participate. Or see a therapist - perhaps for years.


    I found out M is not gay today, am quite disappointed. icon_sad.gif