If I could change something about me;

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    Dec 15, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    It would be that I was not born with Aspergers Syndrome and ADD.

    I am 35 and waiting tables and renting a room in an apartment, I walk everywhere, I am single and no real friends. I can't hold down long term jobs and need my family to pay my rent when I fall short.

    Each day is a (mental) battle.

    Something else I wish I could change; was that my father didn't die when I was 12. I need him so bad to cope in life.

    I have been thinking of suicide alot the last few months; but will not do it, because it would be a cowardly act.
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    Dec 15, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    I'm sending you love !
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    Dec 15, 2011 6:44 PM GMT
    TRACKBOY111 saidI'm sending you love !


    Thank you, that's sweet.
  • calamedes

    Posts: 69

    Dec 15, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    I know what you mean. My dad also wasn't around when I was growing up...

    on the other hand, we can take them as a challenge to overcome and learn from them. For example, my lack of a father in my life allowed me to be independent from a very young age icon_smile.gif

    Victor Frankl teaches that every problem is an opportunity in disguise. Meaning comes from suffering and wisdom comes from that meaning.

    Even if you feel lost, you always have lots of support here!
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    Dec 15, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    Oh, so many things...


    Internally, I wish I was stronger and had a better sense of self growing up. I allowed myself to get beaten down internally until I had absolutely no sense of self-worth. That is my biggest struggle now. I need a boost of confidence.


    Externally, I wish I could bet my giant man-boobs to go down. That's the one area I can't seem to get control of in the gym. Hopefully within the next few months - with the help of my trainer, we will tackle this.


    Amendment to original post:
    To the OP - I understand your frustrations. I have had plenty of jobs like that. I lived in my parents' basement until I was 32. Talk about humiliating on a daily basis. - Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do. You have something unique - some spark that no one else has. Take some time to figure out what it is that you love to do and start pursuing it. - For me, it was going back to college and getting a Master's Degree so that I could become a full time instructor at a community college. My ultimate goal is to be a full college professor. - It may sound crazy to a lot of people, but that is where my heart is and when I followed my heart, things began to fall into place for me. I have never been happier in my life.

    I do wish you the best.

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 15, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    mouillepoint saidIt would be that I was not born with Aspergers Syndrome and ADD.

    I am 35 and waiting tables and renting a room in an apartment, I walk everywhere, I am single and no real friends. I can't hold down long term jobs and need my family to pay my rent when I fall short.

    Each day is a (mental) battle.

    Something else I wish I could change; was that my father didn't die when I was 12. I need him so bad to cope in life.

    I have been thinking of suicide alot the last few months; but will not do it, because it would be a cowardly act.
    I have ADD and I am grateful for it. I am weird that way. Bro, things will get better. Just give it a chance. It always amazes me how people can look down on people who commit suicide. They call them cowards. I would never call anyone a coward who can end there own life. I would not call you one if you had said either. However, I commend you for trying see things through. Most people do not have family or friends to get through the tough times.
    Anyhow, big hug buddy.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 15, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    onaquest870 saidOh, so many things...


    Internally, I wish I was stronger and had a better sense of self growing up. I allowed myself to get beaten down internally until I had absolutely no sense of self-worth. That is my biggest struggle now. I need a boost of confidence.


    Externally, I wish I could bet my giant man-boobs to go down. That's the one area I can't seem to get control of in the gym. Hopefully within the next few months - with the help of my trainer, we will tackle this.


    onaquest, if you ever want any help getting rid of your man boobs. i might be able to help you out. the good thing for you is that you have finally realized your own self-worth. now that you have that you will become the person you want to be and you will not let anyone stop you from achieving it
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    Dec 15, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    I fall on the autism spectrum as well, but honestly, I don't want to change. I feel that, like being gay, it's a fundamental part of my identity. It gives me my unique quirks, both good and bad. Perhaps I'm a bit awkward in social contexts, but there's no question that having my brain hard-wired the way it is, I'm incredibly musically bright. I have such vivid memories in general too. I wouldn't mind getting rid of the constant anxiety, but it's something that runs in my family.

    Honestly, I wish I had a beautiful, large gorgeous head of hair. I like my color and texture, I just wish it were able to grow in big, copious amounts that would be super versatile. Like James Dean or Oliver Goodwill hair. icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 15, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    If life was easy, anyone could do it.
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    Dec 15, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    First off to OP: hang in there bro. I'm going to keep you in my prayers. I have a friend that has the same things as you & no one knew or understood him till this last semester. He's hilarious as fuck & really I wish he'd have cone out of his shell sooner. I think we all missed getting to really know a great guy. I'm proud I walked the stage with him at Graduation.

    Second, things I'd change.... Being so damn caring. I've worked on this and set my bounds but still it needs improvement. Wish I could be like every other gay guy I know and mess around like nothing.... Just cant seem to do it. Also, be able to let go of things. I think that's really improved but still. Be able to cut toxic people from my life. I never like to be an ass with people but I think sometimes is better they go on there own way. Wish I was leaner but getting there.
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    Dec 15, 2011 10:27 PM GMT

    onaquest, if you ever want any help getting rid of your man boobs. i might be able to help you out. the good thing for you is that you have finally realized your own self-worth. now that you have that you will become the person you want to be and you will not let anyone stop you from achieving it[/quote]

    Well, I am always open to any and all suggestions. That is why I am here.