A J-Pouch, Stoma acceptance struggle!

  • Drewjames

    Posts: 6

    Dec 17, 2011 11:10 PM GMT
    I just wanted to put it out there to see if other guys (currently) are on here experiencing my situation right now? A long story short but a year a go i had my large intestine removed because of acute Ulcerative Colitis. Now 12mths on and i am living (adjusting to a life) with a stoma/ostomy and have just had my J-Pouch surgery. A J-Pouch basically means my small intestines have been made in to a sort of pouch and plumbed in (reconnection). I experience quite a few issues with my health physically and mentally ... the main being because i no longer have my large intestine it means Im prone to dehydration from weak absorption of water and minerals. I have adapted well to my new life and a year on i have been able to go back to the gym and lift more weight that I had done before. My worries are now having J-Pouch surgery im a little anxious about what my capabilities will be?? Mentally I have challenging times with feeling self-acceptance and as a gay guy a lot of my identity is being challenged. I fear rejection from others, im lucky to have a partner who has gone through this with me but were facing a lot of challenges together ... Sex being one of them! We cannot be versatile anymore and the prospect of limitations brings on a fear of rejection with it. I've never been truly defined by my sexuality but this has brought about a lot of change and it has brought me to a crossroads in my life! Would be great to hear from others going through this for advice. I have set up a blog to record my journey, i really feel that to bring it out into the open will encourage positive change and development!

    www.mindfulbeginnings.wordpress.com

    Look forward to hearing from you all.

    Drew
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    Dec 17, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    Well my mom is elderly and has one as well.Of course it is not fun especially when you are young like you.I help her keep it super clean to avoid any odor. You really need to stay on top of it for sure.So that helps her deal with the situation.It resulted from emergency colon cancer surgery.Keep your spirits up my friend and I wish you and your BF a very Merry Christmas!
  • Drewjames

    Posts: 6

    Dec 18, 2011 9:24 AM GMT
    Thanks for your message! Its good to hear of others experiences as feeling alone is just the pits! I hope that your mar is in good continued health? Merry Christmas to you!!
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    Dec 18, 2011 10:34 AM GMT
    I can't relate in anyway but I have a friend who's family owns and ostomy supply company and had a friend who's mom had to make the change after she was diagnosed with colon cancer. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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    Dec 18, 2011 11:10 AM GMT
    This is the sort of issue where folks often have challenges, and with good reason. I suggest talking to your surgeon or family physician about follow-on mental health care. Self-image is important, and understanding that you are loved, despite medical issues, is important.

    You'll be in my prayers. Drop me a line any time I may be of service to you.
  • Drewjames

    Posts: 6

    Dec 18, 2011 11:29 AM GMT
    Cheers guys
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    Drew, I checked out your blog( its quite good). 2nd as someone who encounters stomas at work; know that Not everyone thinks that " the stoma makes the man" IE your more then just a medical diagnosis/procedure. Good for you for having the Balls to post your story and educate people. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    This is fascinating and I've been just now looking up more about it.


    You mentioned you can no longer be versatile, so I'm wondering how you define versatility.

    To me, it means the two of you are content with everything from frottage, oral sex, mutual masturbation to taking turns at anal intercourse. Surely if the last can't be done there are still many kinds of sexual activities that you can still enjoy?

    kindest regards,
    -Doug
  • Drewjames

    Posts: 6

    Dec 18, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    Yeah I get that there are indeed more ways to enjoy sex, it just leaves me feeling a little inadequate! Our physical sex life right now seems distant but I guess that down to an adjusting period for both of us after my last operation. I feel that Im more ready to be physical again but don't want to seem to pushy on my fella?! at the same time in in a place where I wanna feel as normal, as I possibly can! This whole experience, like lots of others that people go through is giving me a lot to think about. I do feel that my personal growth is deepening all the time ... That's a positive! Cheers Guys