Do you tell the guy his bf could be cheating, or stay out of it?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    I have a friend at school - we aren't really tight, but we'll be working together next semester and he's a good guy - and he's dating another guy I've met before. Well met a guy online recently, we added each other on FB, and my bud's bf was a mutual friend, so I asked how he knew him. He said they'd hung out before, and that my friend's bf asked him to hook up as recently as the week before Thanksgiving...since my bud and his bf got together.

    So moral dilemma - do I keep it to myself or wait to say anything until my bud and I are closer friends? Or do I say I heard something and let him figure it out? I don't want to start anything, but my friend is a really good guy and he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Thoughts?
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    Dec 18, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    my advice is stay away from that....if they get back together...guess who the asshole will be...
  • Adam00

    Posts: 39

    Dec 18, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    i think that you have not to tell him,,,, be away,,,you do not know how do they organize their relation,,,,,it is not bad and you do not have to feel guilty as you did not tell him
  • leojock1985

    Posts: 76

    Dec 18, 2011 2:35 AM GMT
    take it from personal gay and straight experiences.. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!! if you don't it'll probably go down like this..

    1) your bud won't believe you and would prob say my boyfriend would never do that and you are now thought of as a lier

    2) your friend will confront his bf and his boyfriend will probably deny it and say he's probably just jealous and you have liked him and are trying to break them apart.. once again you look like a lier to your bud

    3) no matter what it will probably strain your two's friendship and you two aren't even that close so he could cut you out of his life for accusing his boyfriend would ever do such a thing to him

    Like I said when I was younger I confronted my best friend about his gf cheating on him and that's what happened to me. and also I've done it with gay friends and even had someone tell me when I was in a relationship that I've been cheated on and here's the bottom line..

    These two are in a relationship which means that bond between them will 9/10 trump whatever friends will say.. so just stay out of it... it will come out eventually just don't get caught in the middle of it!!

    Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    Scylla_1.jpg
    Pretty much sums up what you're flirting with here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    I think you send an anonymous e-mail....it will raise eyebrows but not incriminate you with telling.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Dec 18, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    I wouldn't tell him. If you were best friends it would be different, but with you just being casual friends he probably wouldn't believe you.
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    clarkt91 saidI have a friend at school - we aren't really tight, but we'll be working together next semester and he's a good guy - and he's dating another guy I've met before. Well met a guy online recently, we added each other on FB, and my bud's bf was a mutual friend, so I asked how he knew him. He said they'd hung out before, and that my friend's bf asked him to hook up as recently as the week before Thanksgiving...since my bud and his bf got together.

    So moral dilemma - do I keep it to myself or wait to say anything until my bud and I are closer friends? Or do I say I heard something and let him figure it out? I don't want to start anything, but my friend is a really good guy and he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Thoughts?


    Well.. thanksgiving was what, a month ago? How long have they been together? Are your friend and his boyfriend exclusive or are you (and maybe he) just assuming. That's a conversation they need to have.
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    I'd like to be able to tell you that you could do the right thing and spare your friend some pain, but I can't think of how you could do it. You don't have any direct knowledge of the situation. You only have what your online friend told you. If you saw something specific that your friend's boyfriend posted online, you could show him. Without any real evidence, I don't think there is much you can do.
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    Dec 18, 2011 5:38 AM GMT
    Say nothing. Let sleeping dogs lie and don't ever poke the bear like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 6:38 AM GMT
    Lots of good advice above me here. I have to say I agree that keeping quiet is your best course of action.

    Back in school, I told one of my best straight friends something damning I thought he should hear about a girl he was seeing. I heard the girl say on a phone that she was planning on getting pregnant with my friend's child, so as to secure an income from him, etc. (He had a sizable family trust). End of story? He didn't appreciate my word of warning. The girl got pregnant - my friend ended up paying for the child and paying substantial alimony to the girl. She didn't love him and it was made very clear to him - - - but too late. He wouldn't listen, and we never spoke again. I should have kept my mouth shut and let him make his own mistakes.

    In your case, I think you're wise to just stay out of it. Best of luck.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Dec 18, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    I tend not to repeat information if it isn't first hand...and honestly, no one here knows the rules of that person's relationship...so you could be making a whole lot out of nothing...

    ...I guess my question is "what is gained by sharing second hand information to someone you barely know?"

    - David icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 11:07 AM GMT
    clarkt91 saidI have a friend at school - we aren't really tight, but we'll be working together next semester and he's a good guy - and he's dating another guy I've met before. Well met a guy online recently, we added each other on FB, and my bud's bf was a mutual friend, so I asked how he knew him. He said they'd hung out before, and that my friend's bf asked him to hook up as recently as the week before Thanksgiving...since my bud and his bf got together.

    So moral dilemma - do I keep it to myself or wait to say anything until my bud and I are closer friends? Or do I say I heard something and let him figure it out? I don't want to start anything, but my friend is a really good guy and he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Thoughts?


    As I told my brother when he decided to get an old computer from one friend to fix it up for another friend, then, proceeded to take a drunken fall down some stairs because his tipys ass missed a step... "The road to hell is paved with Good Intentions."

    My advise, stay out of it. I've been in the same situation when my friend's boyfriend asked some bitch at the club to give him a call later for a hookup. Sucks but sometimes you gotta do it to keep the peace between you and someone you care about.

    WORSE situation... my best straight friend's wife (whom I set up by the way) when she showed me her engagement ring she said the following:

    Me: WOW ITS BEAUTIUFL!
    Bitch: "Yeah it okay... it's 3.5K and I wanted 4K and it's emerald cut but I wanted Princess Cut.... I'll be back going to go to the restroom."
    My Friend: Looks at me crazy...
    Me after bitch leaves the room: DID THAT UNGREATFUL WHORE JUST BITCH ABOUT GETTING A RING FROM TIFFANY'S?

    My best friend knows NOTHING about it. In fact, I didn't go to their wedding because I would be morally compelled to speak up when asked if their is a reason why they shouldn't wed. My best friend was hurt for me not being there at the biggest day of his life... I just pray one day he might forgive me for that and understand my actions.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 18, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    leojock1985 saidtake it from personal gay and straight experiences.. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!! if you don't it'll probably go down like this..

    1) your bud won't believe you and would prob say my boyfriend would never do that and you are now thought of as a lier

    2) your friend will confront his bf and his boyfriend will probably deny it and say he's probably just jealous and you have liked him and are trying to break them apart.. once again you look like a lier to your bud

    3) no matter what it will probably strain your two's friendship and you two aren't even that close so he could cut you out of his life for accusing his boyfriend would ever do such a thing to him

    Like I said when I was younger I confronted my best friend about his gf cheating on him and that's what happened to me. and also I've done it with gay friends and even had someone tell me when I was in a relationship that I've been cheated on and here's the bottom line..

    These two are in a relationship which means that bond between them will 9/10 trump whatever friends will say.. so just stay out of it... it will come out eventually just don't get caught in the middle of it!!

    Good luck





    yup! this is "the order of the universe".

    butt out...stay out icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:21 PM GMT
    It doesn't appear that you have any personal knowledge of anything--what you have is unconfirmed (and potentially unreliable) information obtained from a recent "friend" you met online. Why risk breaking up a relationship based on potentially unreliable information? And even if the information were reliable, why would you want to poke your nose into someone else's private business?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 19, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    It doesn't sound like you know the guy well enough to give him relationship advice so I think I would keep quiet. Perhaps if you are talking with him and relationships come up you could ask if he and his BF are exclusive or not before mentioning anything.