New to this site and working on comming out.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    Hey guys I'm new to this site and will be uploading pictures and updating my profile very soon. I am not out yet to any friends or family and im going to change that by the end of this year. Just saying hi and if anyone has any advice on comming out or knows what I'm going through



    -Thanks for reading
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    Dec 18, 2011 8:25 AM GMT
    C'mon guys; any advice or tips....even just a warm hello would surfice icon_surprised.gif
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    Dec 18, 2011 8:28 AM GMT
    WestCoastGuy saidC'mon guys; any advice or tips....even just a warm hello would surfice icon_surprised.gif
    It's kinda late, and I think most guys are asleep. icon_lol.gif

    There are LOTS of coming out stories here. I suggest using the forum search function. Some of them are inspiring and some are disasters. Definitely read through them and gain some knowledge from other people's experience.

    And just wait until tomorrow. I'm sure more guys will reply to this thread. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 18, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    Welcome to RJ.

    Pro tip:

    Don't talk about the difficulties about coming out and wanting to perhaps be comfortable about your sexuality until you announce it to the whole world. Apparently when all you wanted to do is to take some time coming out, some people on this website use that against you and call you a fake profile because you refuse to cam naked with them. They then create a sock account and make threads about you and accuse you of being fake. It happened to me, today. /shrugs

    Just talk about which RJer is hot and which ones you would like them to be your future boyfriend. That's what people do here. They just trade naked pictures with each other and they gossip about each other all the time.

    Have fun! icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 18, 2011 8:48 AM GMT
    Welcome, advice well the forums are a battle field but you can get good information on here depending on what you're looking for. Check out the old forum posts to find some useful advice or pick certain people and hopefully they should be helpful.
    And... that's it. I'd offer more, but my brain is mush right now cause it's late and all.
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    Dec 18, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    Hmmmm. Proceed w/ caution.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    Welcome Yo! Hope you get some good adivce form the guys on here. Take time to process the whole coming out process. It's easier for some.. harder for most.
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    Dec 18, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    I'm not sure how much utility I can provide you with. I'm only half out of the closet myself. I just suggest that you make sure to tell the people you most care about in a way that isn't demeaning ie) not over a random text. And make sure you have the capacity to exit if it goes wrong. maybe if you have a friend who knows, have them nearby.

    All I know is that as I've told people, I've felt more and more free as I go along. Like an elastic band that had been wound up for far too many years being released.

    If you just need someone to chat with, feel free to message me icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 18, 2011 3:26 PM GMT
    Coming out is about your own self acceptance. You get to a point where you realize that if you have to not be you in order to have someone be okay with you in your life then the proper response is, let me show you to the door.
    You will most likely lose some folks in the process but you never really had them in the first place because they did not accept you for who you are. One door closes and another will open. The next person that comes into your life can accept the real you. How cool will that be? Don't be afraid to make some cuts or be hurt if people can't accept. Show them where the door is.
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Dec 18, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    happytomd saidComing out is about your own self acceptance. You get to a point where you realize that if you have to not be you in order to have someone be okay with you in your life then the proper response is, let me show you to the door.
    You will most likely lose some folks in the process but you never really had them in the first place because they did not accept you for who you are. One door closes and another will open. The next person that comes into your life can accept the real you. How cool will that be? Don't be afraid to make some cuts or be hurt if people can't accept. Show them where the door is.


    Awesome advice - and absolutely true.

    My only add: DONT come out on Christmas day (if youre a christian). Thats pretty much as awkward as coming out on Thanksgiving day. Think of it more as a new year's resolution. might go down with family a little easier, as thats the day a lot of us 'clean house' and move forward.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 18, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    Well first, welcome to RJ, I hope you find the site helpful and the forum contributors friendly and open!

    As far as coming out, do it on your terms, when you are ready and with aforethought. Evaluate both sides, the potential negatives of the disclosure and
    what you can achieve with it.... both by being true to yourself and how your family
    will react.

    Again, best wishes and welcome to our site.
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    Dec 18, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    Good luck man.... for me it was not nearly as bad as what I had imagined in my head
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Dec 18, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    Hey there, welcome and good luck--it's getting easier to come out all the time and by taking that step you'll make it easier for the next generation.

    Also, in addition to searching the forums here I would read up on the support networks for parents and friends (mostly PFLAG), that can be a good resource for your family.
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    Dec 18, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    My Experience was great, I came out to my mom 1st, then my dad, then my sister.

    Pick someone close who you are least afraid will have a bad reaction. It's easier to tell a person like that and will prepare you for your own emotions while you are coming out.

    I'm lucky, I had universal support, I don't come from a religious background so I wasn't in fear of institutionalized discrimination, some aren't so lucky.

    Good luck. You will probably find out people really don't give a shit.
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    Dec 18, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    sdgman said

    Good luck. You will probably find out people really don't give a shit.



    A lot of people will also be mad that you didn't tell them sooner.
    Not that you should rush to come out by any means... The people that care most about me were just upset that I dealt with it on my own instead of trusting them and reaching out.

    The same is true for many friends of mine.
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    Dec 18, 2011 4:46 PM GMT
    Welcome to the site. There are many guys in the LA area who are members. Just join in the forum discussions. Wherever your interests lie, there's bound to be discussions. That is one way to get to know folks.
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    Dec 18, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    welcome....and when you feel the time is right..you come out.you are the best judge of the people around you and in your life.there is no one time table for all.best of luck to you,and remember..we are behind you..
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    Dec 18, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    Welcome! be patient with yourself and with others. This is as much a process for you as it will be for them. Some people may accept it, others not and it may be hard to deal with at first but as you grow things will fall into place for you. Just keep your head up and move forward.
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    Dec 18, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    Welcome to the site. It gets rough in here, but it's not so bad once you get used to it.

    I don't have much advice to give on coming out. It's different for everyone. It might be helpful if you described your situation in a little more detail so that people who have been in similar circumstances can chime in with their experiences.
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    Dec 18, 2011 6:00 PM GMT
    Welcome to the chaos.....I mean realjock icon_razz.gif Hopefully this site won't bug the hell outta ya and you'll get to meet some great guys as I have.

    As far as coming out goes, let that be up to you and you alone. The pressure might be great but it will be twice as bad if you come out when you're not quite ready. Trust me, I've been there and I'm damn glad I waited till the right time. Coming out should be because you are ready to truly be yourself around those you love, not because people say you should come out. icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 18, 2011 6:52 PM GMT
    WestCoastGuy saidHey guys I'm new to this site and will be uploading pictures and updating my profile very soon. I am not out yet to any friends or family and im going to change that by the end of this year. Just saying hi and if anyone has any advice on comming out or knows what I'm going through



    -Thanks for reading


    icon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif

    Welcome to the site. Reading through the site helps, there are plenty of interesting topics from the past. If you have specific questions about your own situation: you can always start your own topic on the forums or send a private message to someone and see how they respond.
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    Dec 18, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    Thankyou all for your words of advice and warm welcomes. I often feel like I don't have a soul in the world I can talk to about this particular thing. So it genuinely means alot to me. ( especially comming from attractive men icon_razz.gif )
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    Dec 18, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    waimea saidWelcome to RJ.

    Pro tip:

    Don't talk about the difficulties about coming out and wanting to perhaps be comfortable about your sexuality until you announce it to the whole world. Apparently when all you wanted to do is to take some time coming out, some people on this website use that against you and call you a fake profile because you refuse to cam naked with them. They then create a sock account and make threads about you and accuse you of being fake. It happened to me, today. /shrugs

    Just talk about which RJer is hot and which ones you would like them to be your future boyfriend. That's what people do here. They just trade naked pictures with each other and they gossip about each other all the time.

    Have fun! icon_wink.gif


    Is that what it's really about? lol. I mean they're are a ton of hot guys on here but what's the point in trading pictures when you can just hangout in real life...if you know what I mean icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    WestCoastGuy said
    waimea saidWelcome to RJ.

    Pro tip:

    Don't talk about the difficulties about coming out and wanting to perhaps be comfortable about your sexuality until you announce it to the whole world. Apparently when all you wanted to do is to take some time coming out, some people on this website use that against you and call you a fake profile because you refuse to cam naked with them. They then create a sock account and make threads about you and accuse you of being fake. It happened to me, today. /shrugs

    Just talk about which RJer is hot and which ones you would like them to be your future boyfriend. That's what people do here. They just trade naked pictures with each other and they gossip about each other all the time.

    Have fun! icon_wink.gif


    Is that what it's really about? lol. I mean they're are a ton of hot guys on here but what's the point in trading pictures when you can just hangout in real life...if you know what I mean icon_biggrin.gif


    Yes, check it out. All I did was I asked a few dating tips and I got attacked. And the attacker made a thread about me. Sick I know. But most of the guys are nice on here though. I'd still like to believe the goodness in people.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2037392

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2038346
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    Dec 18, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    happytomd saidComing out is about your own self acceptance. You get to a point where you realize that if you have to not be you in order to have someone be okay with you in your life then the proper response is, let me show you to the door.
    You will most likely lose some folks in the process but you never really had them in the first place because they did not accept you for who you are. One door closes and another will open. The next person that comes into your life can accept the real you. How cool will that be? Don't be afraid to make some cuts or be hurt if people can't accept. Show them where the door is.


    This is some great advice. I know its not a good excuse but when you're young and financially dependent on your parents and have been friends with the same people for your whole life it gets to be difficult. But your right if they don't accept me for who I am, then they never really accepted me.