Thought I'd share.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    This past week my therapist told me two things that are probably obvious for a lot of people but for some reason really struck a chord with me and made me start to change my way of thinking.

    Just for some background information, I'm the type of person who has the bad habit of comparing himself to others (to my boyfriend, to my friends, to my co-workers, etc.) and always getting down in the process. Also, I have the bad habit of looking back on the past with regret, sadness, etc. even though there are good things in my past that I simply choose to ignore. It comes as no surprise that the regret goes hand in hand with the comparing.

    So my therapist and I are working on overcoming these false beliefs and thought processes. Here are the two things she told me this past week that helped me re-think my thinking:

    1) Wonder creates anxiety. Note: not childlike, happy wonder, but the "if only I'd done this" type of wonder or "I wonder what my life would be like if I had only" type of wonder.

    2) Comparison is the source of pain.

    I know that many of you probably are saying "well these are obvious, what's new?" but for me these two little statements may be the keys to helping me stop the cycle of self-bashing that I often do to myself in my mind.

    I've been saying these two statements to myself again and again like affirmations. Because, after all, who wants to feel anxiety and pain that the wonder and comparison beget? When I start to feel a thought that I know will lead to comparing myself with someone else, or if I start thinking about the past in a negative light, I say these statements to myself.

    Just thought I'd share this. Maybe it will help other guys who sometimes have similar thoughts as I do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    Thank you... that was great.
    Now here's another a friend let me in on

    Forgiveness is giving up all hope that the past will ever change
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    Dec 18, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    She is absolutely correct. You got yourself a keeper!
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Dec 24, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    Smart lady, your therapist. It seems like obvious advice, but everyone needs reminders now and again to stay positive. Thanks for reminding me. icon_smile.gif
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Dec 24, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    If you want to know your future, check out:

    Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Dec 24, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    Also, I've always felt that if someone was better than I in something, I was probably better than he in something else. So it all equalled out.

    Another good book....

    Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2011 1:56 AM GMT

    On a sidenote... you can use all of those thoughts in a constructive fashion:

    1) Wonder... thinking about how you could have done things differently, allows you to change how you tackle things later on... dwelling on it is a waste of time.. its a lesson for the future... when a child takes a step and falls.. he/she doesnt dwell on "if only I had taken that step differently".. it remembers what it did and takes a new and improved step ^_^

    2) Comparison... you may use comparison in a destructuve fashion.. this is equivalent to comparing yourself to the birds and think "if only I could fly".. the fact of the matter is you cant.... its a waste of time to sit and dwell on it ... what you can do is compare yourself to yourself... and notice where you are improving.. this will make you feel positive about yourself and more confident to improve even more later on... icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 24, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    Thanks. I think I needed to hear that, too.