Falling for straight friend...need advice please!

  • LunarFreak

    Posts: 1

    Dec 18, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    Hey guys, first time poster here. I know there are a lot of these kinds of topics here but I thought I'd just ask away anyhow. So here it is: I'm pretty sure I'm bi. Growing up, I was always attracted to chicks, but occasionally I'd be attracted to a dude. I couldn't even say it was a sexual attraction, I never really had sexual fantasies about dudes. But whenever I felt myself getting close to a guy as a friend, I'd just become unbelievably infatuated with them, being really possessive and jealous although I'd never show it. All these fantasies would pop that he felt the same way and etc etc etc, all of course which is complete and utter bullshit and I knew it. those friendships all ended badly, either they did something fucked up or I just ended cutting them out.

    Anyway, I just got out of a two year relationship and i made friends with some guys at my school just to get my mind off of it. Me and one of them have hit it off, been talking and chilling a lot, texting a lot, he seems like a really trustworthy and kind guy. But of course, now I feel myself falling for him and I just want it to stop before it gets too bad. All these irrational thoughts like that he feels the same way or is a closet case are crossing my mind. I'm pretty sure he's straight, he just got out of a 6 year relationship and has been trying to play the field although he seems to avoid the actual deed when he comes close. I've caught staring at me a few times, sometimes I feel like we have some sexual energy when we are alone but I'm pretty sure it's just all in my head.

    So what should I do? I thought of just telling him, if he takes it badly and we stop Being friends it's not the biggest loss because we haven't been friends for very long. I'm just tired of trying to ignore it and then ending up cutting people out, it just becomes so painful. The worst is that i feel like he could be a really great friend, but my feelings are preventing me from just seeing that way. I could really use your guys advice. Sorry for the wall of post, I just feel like I have nowhere else turn to. Thanks in advance.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Dec 19, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    There is probably a lot of complex stuff going on in your thought process that you are unaware of. Counseling can help you untangle it so you can start making better choices. Clearly, you've got a pattern going here that isn't serving you well. You deserve better.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 19, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    Bro, I suggest you pull back before you get your hurt and lose a friend. If you know he is straight that should be the end of it. All you are doing is setting yourself up for heartbreak and a potential lost of a good friend
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    Dec 19, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Meh... Just play it cool. Maybe hit up a game or something. Could just be a bromance... Either way keep the alcohol away... Let him make the move but be preped to stop if because your friendship could be in jepordy. I had a situation like this Aiden & I have NEVER been the same.
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    Dec 19, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    Drop Everything and run.
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    Dec 19, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    icon_neutral.gificon_rolleyes.gif ......
    (walks away)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2011 2:54 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidicon_neutral.gificon_rolleyes.gif ......
    (walks away)


    tumblr_ltr726Wexx1qbpsdb.gif
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    Dec 19, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    Can relate and wish I knew what to tell you.

    I'm reading a novel about this very subject right now. It's pretty damn good for three bucks. I don't know how it comes out yet so no spoilers.
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    Dec 19, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    Rodcet said
    GigoloAssassin saidicon_neutral.gificon_rolleyes.gif ......
    (walks away)


    tumblr_ltr726Wexx1qbpsdb.gif


    LOL!!!
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    Dec 19, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    Did you have very close male friends growing up? Or do you have male siblings of close age? This often happens to late adolescent male growing up, and when the testosterone is kicking in at its highest ever. What happens is that they do not know how to distinguish a bonding that is a brotherly / male camaraderie relationship from a lustful sexual urge. And as the relationship deepens it always end up having sexual fantasies about the member of the opposite as well as the same sex. This is why often you hear guys in their early twenties or late teens that they are "bi-curious" or "I'm straight but I fool around with dudes sometimes".

    My suggestion is trying to pay attention to your feelings and really try to distinguish whether or not this is a sexual urge that you wish to consummate, or it's an emotional/mental connection that you wish to expression via physical behavior, or a combination of both. I also suggest that in the midst of all your confusion of not knowing how to feel and/or how you should act, you still your mind and think things through before you act on something that you might regret later in your life.
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    Dec 19, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Just fuck him already.