Does hooking up on the first night ruin the possibility of a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2008 8:03 PM GMT
    I've met some really cool guys, but it's like, no matter how strong that innitial connection, if we hookup that night, it just gets awkard if I see them again and we usually just ignore eachother.

    It's quite unfortunate because the first night we meet we'll be holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and that to me is better than sex itself. But once we get home, we're usually both horned up, so the clothes come off and we both end up taking it to the next level.

    After a night of cuddling and sleeping in the same bed, we usually exchange numbers, with the intention to "hang out again", yet never do. It's an endless cycle that I really want to break.

    So I guess I sort of answered my own question - hooking up the first night does in fact ruin the possibility of any relationship. But then again, I don't even know any guys that are even interested in one in the first place.

    Oh well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2008 9:13 PM GMT
    I met a nice guy at the local bar (of all places) 5 years ago. We fell and had sex that night. 5 years later we're still falling and having sex.

    If you liked the conversation before the sex happened, be the one to call and ask for a date. It makes your intention to pursue a relationship much clearer than simply "hanging out."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2008 9:25 PM GMT
    I'm of the mindset (from personal experiences) that if you have sex on the first date, that no matter what precludes it, the date was merely about sex and that it's ruined any chances of anything else progressing.

    If you think you're REALLY interested in the guy and seeing if something can develop, then keep it in your pants and wait for a few dates to see if it's worth it or not to get nekkid.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 12, 2008 10:00 PM GMT
    One Hard And fast rule... icon_wink.gif

    Sorry, had to say it

    if I'm interested in a guy for more than just sex I'll specifically not hook up with him on the first night

    Because if you do... it's always gonna be about the sex
    everytime you get together it's gonna be hop-into bed
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jun 12, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    It's less than about the single initial instance of and more about how you interact without it.
    I met one guy at a sex club, we had sex and ended up being together for many years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
    It all depends. Some guys just want to hook up some would want more to come out of your first date/hook up.

    So, after this hook up, do they come back for more? If no you might want to find out why that is? It could be something you are doing wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2008 10:42 PM GMT
    It depends, for me hooking up on the first night can ruin it sometimes. When I met my partner, we all most "hooked up" on the first night, but I wanted to get to know him so we waited. Now three years later we are still together with no end in sight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2008 11:29 PM GMT
    Ultimately it's all in your head and his head.

    You learn these patterns from society and although you COULD really screw on a first date and then have the longest relationship ever you kind of sabotage it because even in your rebellious gay independent self -- in the back of your head linger these patterns you picked up and the patterns say you slept with him now it's over. So it is.

    Mind over Matter.

    Mind over Matter.

    Repeat after me:

    Mind over Matter.

    :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    I'm an advocate of sex before relationship.
    To me, sexual compatibility is tops!
    So even if you pursue the relationship (where good sex is guaranteed) and fail along the way (knock on wood), there will still be the sex part which is an indispensible "keeper" factor that was the foundation of the relationship to begin with. As they say, "Keep the good, throw out the bad.
    Then again this is an advice coming from a sad, single dhirty-fwhore year old.

    Zx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 1:07 AM GMT
    LatinoStallion saidyeah im a very sex oriented guy, but i also crave companionship

    Sounds like an ideal fuckbuddy to me. x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 1:12 AM GMT
    I believe that hooking up can ruin a chance but it doesnt always have to. It can be a part of the process of knowing eachother. We can learn alot from eachother thru the way we have sex. for example are they tender or rough, or are they active in bed or do they just let things happen. These are things that may not be apparent otherwise
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jun 13, 2008 3:34 AM GMT
    If I am really into the guy I try to wait until the 2nd or 3rd date, but DAMN it's not easy. I do think that if you wait a bit the sex is potentially hotter just cuz you waited.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 3:51 AM GMT
    i think u should totally pull the 40 year old virgin scenario and say no sex for 20 dates....haha, or 10, whatever both ur willpowers can handle
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 4:53 AM GMT
    well........how about satisfying a little curiosity and instead of sex......nakedness.....kissing....touching....grinding.,,,,you can get a good feeling for the guy just by doing that....and talking...laughing....naked......no bjs or anal..........and both having the willpower to NOT cum....and save the evperience for another time.

    This way, you can fell the physical atraction but have an understanding (spoken or understood) that this could be something you both want to pursue further and save the experience for another time and don't want to fuk it up with the hormones getting in the way of the brain.

    And at least you get to see the merchandise.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 4:56 AM GMT
    If you don't want to get together again then you have no basis for a relationship sex or no sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 5:27 AM GMT
    Have a wank before you go on the date. If you're feeling particularly horny have two. This eliminates sexual desire, thus you don't have all the sex stuff clouding your decisions and you can work out whether you're date is more than just a shag.

    Voila. Problem solved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 5:32 AM GMT
    LatinoStallion saidsex rocks my socks


    I think we got it, we're pretty smart here :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 5:53 AM GMT
    I guess it depends on you as a person and the person you are dealing with and what sort of relationship it is you are looking for.

    I've never just hooked up with anyone on a first date or brought someone home from a random encounter after just knowing them for an hour. I don't believe in that sort of thing and I'm not knocking those who do it (to each his own I say).

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 6:01 AM GMT
    Obviously, this is not scientific, but for my two LTR.s, we did not have sex initially. In the first case, we became friends first and then after about 2 weeks we got hot for each other.

    In the second case, we went more like 6 weeks on the insistence of my partner. I was much hotter to trot than he was, being younger I guess, but it was wonderful to wait because we planned a very romantic holiday in a secluded resort and it made our first time really special.

    However, I do think that sexual compatibility is very important for the long haul. You just do not have to find that out on the first date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 12:44 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidHave a wank before you go on the date.

    How Something About Mary of you, Red.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    Depends on the person. LTRs are not model airplanes, they don't come with an instruction manual that you must follow!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 1:13 PM GMT
    12 years later I can say the answer to that is no. Sleeping with someone on the first date doesn't ruin a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 1:22 PM GMT
    Depending on the level of maturity of the parties involved... it can - or it can be the start of something great.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2008 1:24 PM GMT
    it depends on the guys I guess and what went into setting up that first date.

    "find each other on manhunt and then meet in the bathroom at a club, go home and have sex?"

    thats making it difficult to form a lasting bond. not saying it cant happen..any two guys can have a lot in common.

    "run into each other at the gym or playing soccer, talk a few times, go out on a date and then go home and hump?"

    ya, maybe that's easier to turn into a relationship.

    though I gotta say, if I had a first date with muscletroy and we did not have the sex...I'd be JONESING for that second date!!

    (did anyone note how this thread got started by a dude with no pics, no profile and he never even bothered to respond back again after he started it? No wonder no one wants to date him.)
  • Thaitank

    Posts: 9

    Jun 13, 2008 1:26 PM GMT
    Ok tough question...

    It's kind of like a 3 out 5 lottery with this...

    those find that 1 nighter ends up forever,
    and
    those who didn't have a 1 nighter still ends up forever.

    You gotta be at the right place and at the right time.

    GLUCK! icon_cool.gif