I think im done dating......

  • Jake04

    Posts: 44

    Dec 20, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    im tired going on a date because most of them after 2-3 dates they just want to have sex w/ me...... wich is i don't do that shit !!!!!!! it's hard to find a nice guy who can wait=(
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    Dec 20, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Wait a few more years till you get old and ugly. Then they'll stop wanting to have sex with you.
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    Dec 20, 2011 1:43 PM GMT
    I dont date.. I just make friends and if anything happens Ill be cool with it
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    Dec 20, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    Jake04 saidim tired going on a date because most of them after 2-3 dates they just want to have sex w/ me...... wich is i don't do that shit !!!!!!! it's hard to find a nice guy who can wait=(


    And... after 2-3 dates you don't want to have sex with them?
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    Dec 20, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    Jake04 saidim tired going on a date because most of them after 2-3 dates they just want to have sex w/ me...... wich is i don't do that shit !!!!!!! it's hard to find a nice guy who can wait=(


    And... after 2-3 dates you don't want to have sex with them?


    *snicker* ok, I see your point, its a bit slow.... slow actually.. I have only heard the rule, no sex on the first date...

    Though among the conservative its no sex before marriage.. I know people here who practice this....
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    Dec 20, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    I can relate!!!
    Every date I get, all they want is sex in the end...as if its the only thing that matters. I just don't give it to them, kinda pisses them off.
    Finding a guy who's wants something other then sex is so hard, but we gotta keep trying icon_smile.gif
  • buckled

    Posts: 165

    Dec 20, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidI dont date.. I just make friends and if anything happens Ill be cool with it


    This... I'm over dating as well. Been talking to this really cool guy for like a month now... talked on the phone the past 4 nights for a LONG time. But we're just friends... if anything develops good.. if not.. I gained a good friend.

    Easier said than done though.. so... just my 2 cents
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 20, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    There are guys out there that can wait, but how long and why?

    My suggestion to you is that you have a conversation with them about your
    focus and approach to this, not on the first date, but at a point when you decide you'd enjoy (maybe) getting to know them a little better. Explain to them, why you want to wait and the reasoning behind it. The key is communication.
    If they pass automatically, then probably good you didn't waste any more time.
    The point is, you need to express why you want this and come to an understanding.
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Dec 20, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidThere are guys out there that can wait, but how long and why?

    My suggestion to you is that you have a conversation with them about your
    focus and approach to this, not on the first date, but at a point when you decide you'd enjoy (maybe) getting to know them a little better. Explain to them, why you want to wait and the reasoning behind it. The key is communication.
    If they pass automatically, then probably good you didn't waste any more time.
    The point is, you need to express why you want this and come to an understanding.


    i agree with this guy you need to talk about this on the first date.
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    In my recent return to dating, I've discovered a couple of things:

    1. If you hold off on sex beyond the 3rd date they lose interest.

    2. If you have sex on the 2nd or 3rd date, there are rarely additional dates. Just late night text messages of a sexual nature.

    And this is occurring with men met both digitally (online/Grindr/whatever) and in person (Starbucks/gym.)
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    Why is sex so bad? I just dont get it.icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    I don't think anyone is suggesting sex is bad, but it can get in the way of developing something serious. Largely because a lot of people - not just men, people - don't understand the balance needed when segregating or merging sex/love/emotion etc.
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI don't think anyone is suggesting sex is bad, but it can get in the way of developing something serious. Largely because a lot of people - not just men, people - don't understand the balance needed when segregating or merging sex/love/emotion etc.
    You wasnt supposed to answer that.. it was rhetorical!
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    RunintheCity saidI don't think anyone is suggesting sex is bad, but it can get in the way of developing something serious. Largely because a lot of people - not just men, people - don't understand the balance needed when segregating or merging sex/love/emotion etc.
    You wasnt supposed to answer that.. it was rhetorical!


    And yet, it's of serious impact to the discussion.
    To not conflate casual sex and romantic intentions in this day and age of access and shifting values - and by shifting I mean by the minute! - is tough. Removing sex from the mix seems wise, but is it? The mix of the chemical and hormonal with the mental and emotional...it's a Santorum for the brain.
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:24 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    TropicalMark said
    RunintheCity saidI don't think anyone is suggesting sex is bad, but it can get in the way of developing something serious. Largely because a lot of people - not just men, people - don't understand the balance needed when segregating or merging sex/love/emotion etc.
    You wasnt supposed to answer that.. it was rhetorical!


    And yet, it's of serious impact to the discussion.
    To not conflate casual sex and romantic intentions in this day and age of access and shifting values - and by shifting I mean by the minute! - is tough. Removing sex from the mix seems wise, but is it? The mix of the chemical and hormonal with the mental and emotional...it's a Santorum for the brain.
    LOL true dat.. but did you have to mention the 's' word? Oh the visuals now!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 20, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    Jake04 saidim tired going on a date because most of them after 2-3 dates they just want to have sex w/ me...... wich is i don't do that shit !!!!!!! it's hard to find a nice guy who can wait=(
    what are you saving it for? hell go ahead and do the deed. Hell you can't take it with you. ha ha ha Listen, are you informing people of your decision upfront? if you do this than you weed out the guys you do not want to date right away
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 20, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    Yeah.... that would be tough.
    You're fighting against cultural norms. Even in heterosexual dating, in your age bracket sex early in the relationship is very, very common. Among gay men much more so (which isn't surprising, guys are usually much more gung-ho about sex than women icon_smile.gif.

    The guys who will wait are out there. A lot of them will still *want* to have sex, but when you really click people will usually put up with a lot of idiosyncrasies. How long do you want to wait.

    I will say, I like having sex early in a relationship. Sex is a form of, very intimate, communication and it's something that I love sharing, but to each their own. Do be careful about being too quick to judge someone on the matter though; just a thought.
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    Dec 20, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said... ha ha ha Listen, are you informing people of your decision upfront? if you do this than you weed out the guys you do not want to date right away


    This is a good point that you should really think about. The fact is, the standard practice among gays is to have sex pretty early. If you don't articulate that you're working with some other standard, it may not be that he loses interest so much as he assumes you've lost interest or are stringing him along.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 20, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidIn my recent return to dating, I've discovered a couple of things:

    1. If you hold off on sex beyond the 3rd date they lose interest.

    2. If you have sex on the 2nd or 3rd date, there are rarely additional dates. Just late night text messages of a sexual nature.

    And this is occurring with men met both digitally (online/Grindr/whatever) and in person (Starbucks/gym.)


    It sounds like you're just not having much luck dating... icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 20, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    Jake04 saidim tired going on a date because most of them after 2-3 dates they just want to have sex w/ me...... wich is i don't do that shit !!!!!!! it's hard to find a nice guy who can wait=(



    I feel your pain. I'm an LTR-oriented guy living in a one-night stand kind of town. I've truly given up on finding a deep relationship. At least until I move.
  • Jake04

    Posts: 44

    Dec 20, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    every one have there own opinion and i respect that icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 20, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    I didn't have sex with my partner until our 4th or 5th date, hell he didn't even get a kiss until the 3rd date.

    I'm a proper lady icon_rolleyes.gif

    It was funny cause he told his best female friend that he was upset that I didn't kiss him early on. We had great conversations on our dates. He was in the same boat of dating stupid guys who were 30+ who were acting like 18 year old college frat guys. This was almost 6 years ago too. I'm 38 and he is 39.

    I would tell your prospective dates that you are just wanting to take things slow because some people think that if they didn't get laid in the first two dates he or she is not interested in them.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Dec 20, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
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    Dec 20, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    join the club, I just had a horrible experience with a guy I met off here...no one understands romance anymore, its very sad
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    Dec 20, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    People aren't mind readers.

    It's a safe bet that half the reason they wanted to date you was so they could have sex. You are pretty cute and you can't really fault someone for wanting to want you like that. It's flattering. LOL.

    However, you don't look like someone who would have a problem just having sex so clearly that's not what you want. You need to be more specific, open and forthcoming about what you are looking for so by the 2-3 date they have a choice in figuring out whether they wanna continue seeing you or not. It seems on the 1st date someone isn't doing a good job communicating so, sadly, your dates aren't to blame entirely.

    They're guys and so are you so you should already assume that sex is something of an issue when it comes to dating. You just need to make what you are wanting clearer so as to not waste your time or theirs. It's really a two-street.

    I know when I go out on dates I make people work for it (whether they know it or not). However, you always have to be ready for when you meet that one person you'd consider bending the rules for. In any case, if I found someone who I thought was worth it I could patiently wait for awhile or until they felt ready for the next level.