phone frequency

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2007 11:42 PM GMT
    I have to admit this is kind of new to me, so I don't know whether this is normal or not. I've been on three pretty good dates with a particular guy who lives about two hours away. Now he is phoning about twice a day. I hardly ever call him, because he always calls.

    This doesn't really bother me, but it is a little confounding. How often do most people call people whom they're dating? What do you talk about, considering that the previous conversation was only a few hours ago? News doesn't happen that fast in my life!

    Also, what is your normal quota of text messages and emails?

    I dunno... maybe the lines are just down to my feminine (gabby) side.

    I've got to admit that I went through school and college before everyone had their own phone. (Even at home, it was a party line shared between six houses.) Email hadn't been dreamed of yet. We actually (believe it or not) wrote letters to friends, once or twice a month, and (get this) put them in the U.S. mail, with a stamp!

  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jul 24, 2007 1:18 PM GMT
    When I first going out with my last boyfriend, he expect me to call him everyday, in the morning and at nite. I am older and more well off that him so I have to paid for it. Anyway if I miss this routine he will get upset and suspecting I dont love him any more.

    He just need a constant reminder that I love him. Aside from that he will sms (short message) me demanding that I call him. Sometimes it really just casual talk like , have you have dinner yet, sometime more romantic talk and sometimes sexual talk like "I have my hand on my di_k and I want to screw you". Most of the time I have to come with ideas on what to say, since he say all he want it to hear my voice and to hear me talking.

    Now that he no longer my boyfriend, I kinda miss the attention and those silly talk I have with him. Really , you dont know what you have until you dont have it anymore
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Jul 24, 2007 2:22 PM GMT
    Everyone is different and has many perceptions. If that's what you think, then tell him how you feel. Even if you do or don't want to start something with this guy, being honest is key.

    This guy may really like you and just wants to get to know you better. He may rather spend time with you, but obviously can't due to the distance. So the phone is the next best thing.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2007 2:48 PM GMT
    it really depends on the amount of contact that you need in a relationship. If it's starting to be this amount at the beginning, it MAY get worse if the relationship proceeds. Sounds like there's some insecurity on his side.

    For me, I couldn't handle that "criteria". I'm a firm believer in quality over quantity. Plus I'm fiercely independent, so "having" to call/sms/email someone a certain amount each day would probably make me feel suffocated. And being on the phone when I have nothing to say really isn't a good thing - for me. I'd rather make the most of the time we spend together and keep the extraneous stuff to a minimum.

    Seems like he doesn't have enough to do and is projecting a certain "personality" on you, rather than getting to know you for who your are. I'd make sure that you are clear to him about your needs and boundaries, rather than submitting to his needs and requirements.

    I should again state, I'm pretty independent so this skews my opinion.
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    Jul 24, 2007 2:50 PM GMT
    Actually, I can't stand being "over-called". If a guy starts calling too often, too soon, it tends to turn me off rather quickly... too many suggestions of co-dependence for my taste. There is a happy medium of showing interest, without going overboard.

    Especially for the first few dates, I think it's good to wait at least a day or two between calls... I usually use the phone during that time primarily to make plans for the next date, and leave the extensive talking for in-person, where you can better feel out whether you have chemistry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2007 3:59 PM GMT
    Yeah, if it were me, I'd be hightailing it out of there. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than guys that want too much of your time and attention. It's very important to me that the men in my life have an independent streak and know how to be by themselves. It's attractive to me. In fact, my biggest turn-on is a guy that loves watching sports on TV (I don't) - I love being with someone who has a passion outside of "relationship," it's very sexy and masculine. And then the time we get together is all the better.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jul 24, 2007 8:08 PM GMT
    Lol, my last 2 relationships started out being somewhat long-distance - we both lived in different cities, not 'that' far but not a stone-throw away from each other, ya know?

    So we WOULD talk on the phone like, every day, just shoot the shit, bitch about work, school, that sort of thing - the kind of thing you typically do in person but, due to the distance, couldn't. When my last ex and I moved in together the stuff that we would talk about in phone calls just became the stuff we'd ask when we got home.

    HOWEVER...we were IN a relationship. after a few days, calling 2x and sending however many text messages is slightly...stifling. I mean, some guys might like it, but...I'd find it a little odd - like "Whoa, buddy, we're not married yet" kinda odd.

    I think, in a long distance kind of way, you almost need to spend some time on the phone, or (cheaper) video calling through msn, lol. But it's something that should be discussed - I'm not a big phone fan - I have one, and I use it a lot, but they are mostly short calls/text messages so I'm not like, gabbing for an hour or 3. But if I had a boyfriend, and I had stuff to say, I'd give it a go. If it got old, or boring, I'd bring it up. Otherwise, I'd enjoy the time I was spending getting to know the other side of the guy I'm falling for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2007 9:01 PM GMT
    Hey Mindgarden - I'm still a letter writer. In fact, one of my very best friends live, oh, not even a mile away, maybe 1/2 a mile at most and we write to each other usually about once a week. This is on top of crossing paths at various social functions. I love writing - and "snail mail."

    Anyway - regarding your ? - I have been in similar situations - and interestingly enough - w/ one person I found it obnoxious. Yet w/ the other person, I was like, "aw, how sweet." Bottom line though I hadn't realized it at the time, I wasn't really into one. What I'm saying is...if you were never to hear from him again. Would you be sad? Or relieved? Or neutral?

    Perhaps that will make it a little less frustrating. Then again, maybe not.

    In any case, have a great day, and of course - good luck!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2007 9:08 PM GMT
    after only three dates, that's WAY too many phone calls.

    unless you're totally digging it, which it sounds like you aren't, i would consider it a negative signal that foreshadows potential issues in the relationship.

    yikes. :)
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    Jul 24, 2007 9:15 PM GMT
    I think phone frequency is different for everyone. Some people really like talking on the phone, some don't.

    In this case, it may be that this guy really likes you and just wants to hear your voice. After 3 dates with him, he seems to be settling into the romantic stage of your relationship.

    You may need to think about wether or not you feel the same way. You see the telephone as a means of communication. This guy sees it as a way of staying close to you.

    I could totally be wrong.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 03, 2007 9:26 PM GMT
    I have to admit that I can be horrible when it comes to Phoneconversations. When I start to date someone it sometimes happen that I call for the stupiest reasons, just so I can talk to him. When they dont pick up it gets ugly, because I get upset and worried and then I find me calling 5 times in a row and I cannot hold it. It bothers me then all day long till he calls me or he finally answers one of my calls. I know that I cause the guys to run away with that. So most times i say them to not even give me their number, they should just call me when they have time, because I try to get rid of that habit, but its hard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2007 9:34 PM GMT
    I think that this is too soon for so many phone calls. Though, I guess, it is partially explained by the fact that you guys live so far apart. I'm guessing Portland.

    But, after a few dates...staying in frequent contact is fine. But two times a day is a boyfriend. And I don't get the idea that you feel you have progressed that far yet.