Cum Etiquette - When he's finished, it's over?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2007 12:23 AM GMT
    Just trying to get some opinions on this issue. So, you're having oral sex. Man #1 is pleasing Man #2, and Man #2 cums. Man #2 is completely finished and doesn't want to continue pleasuring #1. So Man #1 has to finish himself.

    Is that normal? Right? Wrong? It's one thing if it's a casual hookup, but what if Man #1 and #2 are in a committed relationship?
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    Jul 24, 2007 2:37 PM GMT
    It is probably more biological than rude. Once Man #2 cums, there is a sudden drop in sexual excitement more likely do to a sudden drop in hormones. Many times, it is like starting from scratch and Man #2 has to get excited again. Man #1 is at a heightened excitment at the time Man #2 cums and wants to get off himself and may not be able to wait for #2 to get excited again.

    Women experience this all the time. A bit of a let down but then that is were skill comes into play. A skilled lover, whether woman or Man #1, will know how to get Man #2 hot an bothered again. That can make Man #1's orgasm even more incredible.
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    Jul 24, 2007 3:12 PM GMT
    Yeah, it stinks but it happens. In a hookup, there isn't much to do. But, in a relationship things can play out differently. All it takes is knowledge of your lover to get things heated again.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jul 24, 2007 3:30 PM GMT
    Sound like a one night stand, some quickie at the john....what you expect. If you are into those things dont expect to be treated fairly or lovingly. I been to both end of the deal, frankly it rude , impolite, selfish but that the way it is. Not my favorite things but when I am horny, it better then nothing at all.
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    Jul 24, 2007 3:30 PM GMT
    try 69!!!!
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    Jul 24, 2007 3:44 PM GMT
    Is that normal? Right? Wrong?

    That depends on how you feel about it and I would add, the frequency with which it happens. I behave that way SOMETIMES as does my partner, but certainly not ALL the time. That was piss me off. You certainly don't need to get aroused again in order to get your partner off. If he can only get you off while he still has an erection then he is either very selfish or needs bit of an education. Or maybe he justs needs to know how you feel about it - talk to him.

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    Jul 24, 2007 11:45 PM GMT
    Man #2 should be more considerate if you're in a committed relationship. Let him know that you're not done and that the sex doesn't end when he's finished. That's rude as mate. Don't finish off Man #2 till you're (I mean Man#1!) close too.
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    Jul 26, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
    Mutual happiness is the only long term happiness. The man cum first should be able to use his mind (projection, fantasy, or mind power... whatever you call it) to keep up a sensual interest to help the man who haven't cum.

    about 9 out of 10 times, I know when I cum so I tell my partner that i am about to cum in, let's say, 2 minutes. So I push all the partners' hot buttons to make sure he's going for it too. It's easier to learn to cum together - practice make perfect - and yeah "Happiness is the longing for repetition (from the movie The Unbearable Lightness of Being.)

    The best Sex involves the mind and beyond - thus tantra sex is so amazing. On time I was at Burning Man festival, and we were doing acroyoga... my partner face was in my crotch while i push his legs from the waist up the air sort of flying him... and wham... I felt cuming, but to my astonishment, the orgasm was not an ejaculation, it was an injaculation up the energy channels (Chakras).

    Happy cumming.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jul 27, 2007 4:58 AM GMT
    thank god I don't have to deal with this shit, but if I was Man#1 I would turn the guy around slap on a condom and then I'd finish!!! End of story!!!
  • Fuzzers

    Posts: 23

    Jul 27, 2007 5:24 AM GMT
    Luckily, some of us have the wiring that allows for simultaneous orgasms nearly every time.

    Precursor4t has hit the nail on the head, so to speak. When my partner reaches his climax (and what a work of art that is), it flips my switch at the same time. Even if there's no actual cum, the orgasm is there. In some ways, it's even better- allowing for an actual 'cum' orgasm afterwards, if the sexmate is so inclined to provide one.

    Tantric sex is a state of mind, and it's a tool available for anyone interested.

    Alas, I will say that the sex partner has to be open or at least into the idea of energyplay. The button-pushing of a good dom-sub experience is an example. If ya think energyplay/tantric stuff is beneath ya... man... you don't know what you're missin'...

    Cum one, cum all.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 29, 2007 1:11 PM GMT
    Man #2 deserves a swift kick in the ass
    that's what Man #2 deserves...relationship or not
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2007 3:34 AM GMT
    Fuzzers and precursor are absolutely correct. Tantric play gives you greater control and flexibility with your climaxes. I always wait for my partner, there are many ways to achieve this, and every single technique is tons of fun. I think it requires more focus be put on the sensual journey towards orgasm together and less of a focus on the big squirt.

    For many people, the big squirt is the only goal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2007 4:27 AM GMT
    just try to time it so you can both cum at the same time. if ur getting too excited, tell him to back off until he gets at the same level then let the water works begin at the same time that way you're both satisfied and no one has to go in again when they don't want to
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    Aug 01, 2007 9:05 PM GMT
    At the same time IS ideal, but not always possible. If you have a relationship, you should be able to be patient and wait a while. 20 or 30 minutes after your partner has an orgasm, his energy should return. If you both understand that sometimes he may be too drained, but that he will please you as soon as he feels better, it takes a lot of pressure off.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Aug 01, 2007 11:06 PM GMT
    I had that a few times too from both sites. Normally at least they do a bit to make me cum as so do I, even if my intrestlevel is down. The worst thing was once, he finished, got dressed and did let me finish there by myself. I stopped it then because I saw no point in coninuing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2007 5:13 AM GMT
    This entire thread hits on something that I find interesting.

    Why do so many gay men approach such an intimate act with so little regard for their partner? It is one thing that an arrogant man will cut you off in traffic and give you the finger, but you'd think in an intimate setting of a bedroom, or even a back alley, one would be on his best behavior for maximum effect. Why are so many guys so rude and callous to the people they are getting naked with? There's no need. Shouldn't we be seeking camraderie with all people we meet, no matter what the situation? I suspect a lot of ill mannered sexual behavior is tied into guilt, shame and self-loathing issues--he busts a nut and then starts feeling dirty and needs rush off to confession? Who knows.

    This is why I stopped pursuing casual anonymous sex. After stranger sex, I never felt any good, so I began pursuing casual frienship sex. Ultimately more fulfilling, and shhhh... you don't have to label these people as your boyfriends, just cuz you care about them.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Aug 17, 2007 4:07 AM GMT
    Just make sure to ask him directly about this and express your feelings (unless it's was a hook up and then you might be a stalker!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2007 1:02 AM GMT
    Well, I have once or twice been guilty of not being able to go on, after a really intense one. Really, it's just a matter of relaxing for a few minutes, until hypersensitivity goes away, then resuming.

    Most of the time though, the other guy cums faster and more often than I do. That doesn't usually bother me, because I'm having a good time anyway, and I know my turn will come around (so to speak) in the next session.

    Of course, in the case of a one-time hook-up, all bets are off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2007 10:44 PM GMT
    I guess, I must be a strange one cause I get off watching a guy cum. If I cum first, then I want to see my partner cum too.
    Sometimes we cuddle for a while and later he cums.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2008 12:16 AM GMT
    Usually for me, if it's a trick or a quick hook-up, or in the steam room, I like to make my partner(s) cum, and I don't worry about myself. I'm usually jacking my own cock, and that way I can totally control when I cum. A lot of the time in the bath house, I want to do at least three to five other guys before I cum, and so for me it's all about pleasing my partner. I want HIM to come and enjoy himself, and that gets me off more than just my own orgasm. I will say though, that it's always disappointing to be with someone who can't go for more than about 2 minutes before shooting. I like to go for a good 10 to 20 minutes before making him come. Or at least 5 minutes. I can also time my orgasm to my partner's usually.
    Sometimes, though, I'll be getting fucked by a guy, and he'll just keep going and going with no letup in sight, and in such a case, I'll get myself off in about 15-20 minutes whether he cums or not, but I usually try to stay after I'm done and at least give him SOME stimulation in return for getting me off. Tit for tat, I figure. Except for the meth users. They can never finish or cum, and they just waste my time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2008 11:46 AM GMT
    I dont mind it at all if its over as soon as the guy I am blowing cums. For me anyway, I get all the pleasure and satisfaction I want just from sucking him off.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2008 11:30 PM GMT
    all he's gotta do his hold my nuts...it doesnt take long, and I dont usually let him get away till I'm done.
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    Aug 22, 2008 3:03 AM GMT
    It doesn't matter whether it is a hook-up or married twenty years... even if you cum first... you're ass isn't going anywhere till I'm done!

    It is way beyond rude to just assume "it's over" just because you have been satisfied. Even though you're cock my going down, you can still kiss, suck, rub, touch, even pinch. Your goal should be bringing me as much pleasure as I just brought you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2008 3:04 PM GMT
    In the scenario above, Man #2 is a thoughtless, inconsiderate lout.....(he has come first, so now he thinks he is finished, and doesn't want to do anything more for his partner). That has never happened to me - thankfully. Man #2 should realize it is better to give than to receive. He should want to get his partner off....not see it as a chore!

    A man who is good in the sack - and is a hot, sensuous, considerate lover, will NEVER lack quality MEN in his life (even as you push 50!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2008 5:38 PM GMT
    I'm usually the man #1 and I don't expect my top to please me anytime soon. I usually plant a big ole open mouth kiss right on him though.

    Then, just cuddle and talk, maybe nap a little and then I wake up his willie, lube up my ass and it's my turn for the tinglies.