paulflexes saidThen why do you feel uncomfortable in a "straight" environment?
I said, "I feel really uncomfortable when I'm around them both. I feel like a total outsider. When I hang out with my friend one on one we get along and I feel great.
It's more of a personal and possessive thing I'm realizing. There is a lot more to this than I have revealed.
The thing they have in common is both of their fathers are gay and are HIV positive. My friend's dad is still living with the virus. His friend's dad died from complications due to H.I.V. My friend is not homophobic but has issues with it. He's sometimes mistaken for being gay. He is definitely not gay.
In the beginning of our friendship I was attracted to him. He knew this and we worked it out. We are better friends now because of it. It wasn't easy and I guess I'm jealous of the fact that his other friendships didn't come with that kind of baggage. He seems to have more in common with them but I know what he gets from our friendship is communication. He says he doesn't talk with anyone else like he does with me. We are very active together. And I'm the only person with enough free time to go traveling with him (Amsterdam this Spring). We hangout on a regular basis too.
This all stems from an open mic they did last night. I was really jealous of their connection. I filmed it for them and it was great. But I kind of felt like a third wheel so I took off after their set.
This was cathartic though. Thanks