2 teenage gay nephews

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    My family have all arrived home for the holidays & we were having a BBQ last night and my Aunty informs me my 16 yo nephew has come out and my 13 yo nephew (not brothers) has also come out.
    Times have changed!
    They asked that while we are all away in Margaret River this Xmas I "talk" to them about being gay and boys etc kind of a bees and bees talk. The boys themselves have said on a few occasions throughout the year that they want to talk to me about "stuff"
    I'm freaking out I have always been the fun cool Uncle the family have no issue with LGBT community and the children have all been brought up to be accepting of all people and their differences.
    I want to be honest and have been thinking what did I want to know when I was their age,
    What are teenagers really like these days?
    Are they really that much more advanced than Gen X was?
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    Dec 22, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    Its obviously they are looking for guidance. Remember as their doting fun Uncle you need to answer them about 'stuff' they are questioning about.

    Remember you don't need to go into a the whole thing with them. Just think about your experiences and see how it would best fit them.

    Its really cool and admirable to have a family like yours. I wish I had that.
  • UIUC1978

    Posts: 27

    Dec 22, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    I am actually a little jealous of you. I have a nephew that is going through the same thing. Coming out at 18 and at the moment I am the only one who knows it. The only reason I know is that he has a profile on this site and 2 others. No face picture to know for sure, but the location, age, description and birthmark just above his right ass cheek are dead ringer. He hasn't been on any of the sites in 6 months, which is about the time he met his new best friend. (Who also has a profile on another site.) I've told him that we need to talk about something serious. But to date he has yet to call or come by.
    I know for a fact that he has a fake ID. and goes to one of the gay clubs here frequently. I just want to make sure that he is being safe and knows that he can talk to me anytime he needs to or has a question.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 22, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    it depends on the community they're raised with. because you mentioned their parents raised them to be tolerant and accepting, i don't think you need to give them the you can have the "american dream" speech, i.e., just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't get married, have kids, etc....

    i think the best advice you can give them is about sex and love. they probably know the mechanics about sex (though you can never stress too much the importance of safe sex), but there's so much emotional baggage with it they're probably not aware of. i mean, it took me years to realize guys will hook up with you and then never speak to you again... and it took me even longer to realize that's o.k.

    i think we all think about the permanence of "love" at that age, and it's really easy to get swept up in emotions. though i never had any questions about sex as a teenager, i would've loved to have someone i trusted enough to talk about dating and boy problems or just have a shoulder to cry on when being a teenager taught me more than i was ready to learn. having someone to give you advice is great, but having someone you can turn to is better... so maybe it doesn't matter what you say to them as much as you make it clear you are always there for them to say anything to you. hope that helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    It Gets Better...till someone volunteers you to be the family shrink. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    you should be flattered, I think it's a pretty cool situation you're in.

    Don't over-think it. They know you're not the Dali Lama and that you cannot solve their problems for them. Be honest, be frank, think about what you would have wanted to hear or needed to hear at their age.

    Man, times sure have changed, this is a pretty cool thread.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Dec 22, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    what an awesome opportunity!
    congrats that you get to raise some new gays in our community and warn them...well about the guys on this site. HAHA just kidding.
    That is some great present to give.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:29 PM GMT
    UIUC1978 saidI am actually a little jealous of you. I have a nephew that is going through the same thing. Coming out at 18 and at the moment I am the only one who knows it. The only reason I know is that he has a profile on this site and 2 others. No face picture to know for sure, but the location, age, description and birthmark just above his right ass cheek are dead ringer. He hasn't been on any of the sites in 6 months, which is about the time he met his new best friend. (Who also has a profile on another site.) I've told him that we need to talk about something serious. But to date he has yet to call or come by.
    I know for a fact that he has a fake ID. and goes to one of the gay clubs here frequently. I just want to make sure that he is being safe and knows that he can talk to me anytime he needs to or has a question.


    THIS IS WHAT I WOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT! They are going to experiment if they haven't already. They need to know how to be safe. When I was doing my internship with the NPO I got tested and they told me that I was weird for being 27 at the time and never having had an STD. He told me that iYs are basicly coming up with the idea that they will have STDs or even HIV by the time they are 21 and that is exactly what happening! Worse, they are having higher co-infections. Since HIV for most people can be controled with Anti-Virals so is the figuring... it continues to sperad and they aren't so scared of it. If I was in yours shoes.... this would be my big worry!
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    It's great that they'll have an opportunity to be guided and someone to turn to with the unconditional relationship of family. I would let them lead the conversation - let them ask what they don't already know. Generations are becoming more and more accepting of homosexuality and I'm sure your nephews have already experienced some acceptance and some rejection, whether it was about them personally, of homosexuality already. However, there's no real need to delve into things that they'll be safe learning as they grow up but still advise on the basic essentials and whatever they ask about.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Dec 22, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    Wow that is really awesome. It's also really awesome for your family to turn to you to help them.
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    Dec 22, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    dontellmeyorhot saidMy family have all arrived home for the holidays & we were having a BBQ last night and my Aunty informs me my 16 yo nephew has come out and my 13 yo nephew (not brothers) has also come out.
    Times have changed!
    They asked that while we are all away in Margaret River this Xmas I "talk" to them about being gay and boys etc kind of a bees and bees talk. The boys themselves have said on a few occasions throughout the year that they want to talk to me about "stuff"
    I'm freaking out I have always been the fun cool Uncle the family have no issue with LGBT community and the children have all been brought up to be accepting of all people and their differences.
    I want to be honest and have been thinking what did I want to know when I was their age,
    What are teenagers really like these days?
    Are they really that much more advanced than Gen X was?
    Isnt that awesome? I have a similar situation and its great. One gay boy and one gay girl..

    I wonder (rhetorically speaking) why we gay uncles are always the 'cool' uncle in the family?
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    Dec 22, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    TropicalMark saidIsnt that awesome? I have a similar situation and its great. One gay boy and one gay girl..

    I wonder (rhetorically speaking) why we gay uncles are always the 'cool' uncle in the family?
    Usually not tied down by marital baggage.

    My nieces and nephews love the shit out of me. It's almost horrifying being the role model for 7 kids.
    LOL Trolli, ya GOT to draw a line somewhere ya know!
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    Dec 22, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    dontellmeyorhot saidMy family have all arrived home for the holidays & we were having a BBQ last night and my Aunty informs me my 16 yo nephew has come out and my 13 yo nephew (not brothers) has also come out.
    Times have changed!
    They asked that while we are all away in Margaret River this Xmas I "talk" to them about being gay and boys etc kind of a bees and bees talk. The boys themselves have said on a few occasions throughout the year that they want to talk to me about "stuff"
    I'm freaking out I have always been the fun cool Uncle the family have no issue with LGBT community and the children have all been brought up to be accepting of all people and their differences.
    I want to be honest and have been thinking what did I want to know when I was their age,
    What are teenagers really like these days?
    Are they really that much more advanced than Gen X was?


    I'm a college kid now, no teen, but I would never think of being out to my extended family. In fact I'm the only out one in the entire family. This is kind of amazing that your family is like that.
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    Dec 22, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    I'd personally just tell them about safe sex. You could save their life. Hell I'd bring them a bunch of condoms and some lube....some kids at that age may feel awkward buying these things so at least they will have them if they need them.
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    Dec 22, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidI'd personally just tell them about safe sex. You could save their life. Hell I'd bring them a bunch of condoms and some lube....some kids at that age may feel awkward buying these things so at least they will have them if they need them.
    Actually.. you can teach them but whether they adhere to it is in question.. Its a crap shoot. My nephew (straight) saw first hand while growing up the impact AIDS had in his family. We had all those 'talks', teaching sessions etc.. He got his girlfriend pregnant at 17 (both of them were 17)..

    Everything he was taught.. was wasted. In one ear and right out the other.. He's been paying for it for 15 yrs now............. Oh well!
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    Dec 22, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    It is kind of funny sex can be great and create a life of course this is only if you are straight......but then either way straight or gay you can die from sex...

    So pleasurable yet so dangerous hmm.
  • Voice22

    Posts: 79

    Dec 22, 2011 8:30 PM GMT
    they know a lot more than you think. They know now what you knew at 24

    what they dont know is the wisdom part - help them with that
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    Dec 22, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    I have 3 teen aged 19, 17 and 17.. the twins are boy and girl.. I have been amazed by the fact that over the past 3 or 4 years they have told us of numerous out gay and lesbian school mates and there is never a negative word said.. Very proud of them.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Dec 22, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Having only recently entered the gay community and become sexually active myself, I can definitely think of a few things that I wish someone wiser than myself would have told me.

    You can't emphasize the "safe sex" part enough. I think a lot of young people, despite knowing and having been taught better, don't really "get" the dangers of STDs and HIV until they've had a scare themselves.

    Tell them to beware of of older guys who want to get romantically involved with them. Let them know that older the guy is, the less likely it is that he'll view them as anything but a sexual object to use and abuse, no matter how nice or caring he may be. Tell them to stick to guys their own age, whom they'll be better able to relate to and develop more meaningful relationships with.

    Let them know that just because it seems like promiscuity is a normal part of the culture, doesn't mean that it's ok or good for them to just give themselves away. Make sure they understand that they have value, and should repsect themselves by holding out for a relationship that means something to them, and to avoid hook ups.

    The internet makes it way too easy to meet guys, especially for those who may not be ready or don't really know what they're getting into. Teach them just because hookup sites are popular and easily accessible doesn't make them ideal venues to meet people of substance. In fact, tell their parents to keep an eye on these kids' internet use, lest they end up getting into dangerous situations experimenting. Again, way too fucking easy to get in over your head if you're young and naive and using Grindr or Manhunt or Craigslist.

    Talk to them about the diversity in gay culture, and the many different types of guys and personalities they can meet out there! I bet that these kids probably don't see more than a fraction of gay culture and don't understand its broadness. Let them know that there's more than just flamers and leather daddies, and give them an appreciation for just how many "normal" guys there are in the gay community.

    For the older nephew, perhaps send him some links to good gay blogs out there. As much trash as there is on the internet, there are also a lot of sites that can give helpful, insightful information to gay guys that might not be exposed to it anywhere else. I didn't have any gay mentors in my journey into faggotry, but there were a lot of really great authors and articles online that helped give me a better sense of what exactly gay culture is, some of common troubles guys experience while finding their niche, and what exactly one can expect to expect as they venture into a lifestyle that's much grander and more confusing than any of us ever expect it to be.

    Hope this helps!

    ETA that while older guys are awesome, this is advice geared towards a sixteen year old. Give him another couple years before he gets inter-generational.
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    Dec 22, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    That hardly shows "advancement."
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    Dec 22, 2011 9:44 PM GMT
    Trepeat said

    Tell them to beware of of older guys. Let them know that older the guy is, the less likely it is that he'll view them as anything but a sexual object to use and abuse, no matter how nice or caring he may seem.



    I take umbrage with that! When I was younger, the "older" guys were the ones I could turn to for questions without them reaching for my zipper!
    Now that I'm the "older" guy, I have helped a few young'uns with some serious crap that their 'peers' could care less about!
    icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 22, 2011 9:47 PM GMT
    Yeah, the Cool Uncle is usually the gay one. I think it's like said above "no marriage crap to deal with".

    Plus, usually no children of our own, so we have time & money for the children of our siblings.

    Besides that...we've 'done more' than our straight (and most times straight-laced!) brothers and sisters...hehehehe.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Dec 22, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    I meant older guys looking to hook up. Plenty of great older gay role models to befriend and learn from, they just need to be aware of the ones who are looking to get intimate with them.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Dec 22, 2011 10:16 PM GMT
    Trepeat said
    Tell them to beware of of older guys. Let them know that older the guy is, the less likely it is that he'll view them as anything but a sexual object to use and abuse, no matter how nice or caring he may seem. Tell them to stick to guys their own age, whom they'll be better able to relate to and develop more meaningful relationships with.


    Don't you mean to beware of the homosexual?..



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    Thanks guys some great advice there. Definately the older guy thing is my worst fear, as they are both very handsome, are into fitness, gym, surfing and Aussie rules football. The 16yo Mathew is already doing some modelling, he gets attention everywhere he goes. Funny watching him with girls yesterday when we went shopping he was oblivious. BUT
    He obviously has a type and thank goodness its young blonde guys (he is half southern Italian). He kept pointing them out to me. I was quite amazed at how many of them returned his glances and smiled, things have definately changed.
    We caught up with some of my mates while we were out and both are my age pretty handsome and he didn't seem interested at all he was just so excited to be out having coffee with openly gay men. We talked about the usual stuff we guys talk about, boys, fashion, the gym and gossip. He did get a shock when one of them opened up to him about being HIV positive.
    My friend was a teacher and deals with teenagers all the time and did a great job explaining his personal situation with HIV.
    Turns out he is very aware of the "nuts and bolts" of male to male sex, I think I was blushing (me of all people) when he brazenly elaborated what he and his best mate like to get up to, I remained cool (ish). My brother pissed himself laughing when I told him and his wife, he found it quite amusing that his out (previously slutty) brother was a bit embarrassed. After all he has seen me in full flight when we were younger in the Sydney bars.
    So we head down south in the morning and I'm sure there will be more chats over the Holiday period. I think talking about relationships, having some self control and remaining true to ones self will be the key points.
    Will let you know how it goes