30 year old virgin?

  • jsatl

    Posts: 9

    Dec 22, 2011 8:43 AM GMT
    Guys, Ive been a lurker here for awhile when bored at work but never really posted. This is embarrassing but other then my left hand and a couple brief unsatisfying "2nd base" encounters, I'm a total virgin.

    I've never had a boyfriend and tricking is just unappealing. I'm out, go hang out with my gay friends and I assume they think getting it but I'm not. I've been rejected because of looks (mostly online) or more often when I won't go over and fuck right now and in person, I find that on the rare occurences people hit on me, that when they immediately want to get into my pants, it turns me off to the point I want to walk away.

    It sucks because I'd like to meet a nice guy who I could take things alittle slow and feel comfortable. I've got some fantasies about things I want to do (some of them alittle out there too but it just hasn't happened.

    -30yo virgin
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 22, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    Dude, what are you saving it for? Why do you consider having sex tricking? Listen, I am not saying you should not wait. I am just asking why?
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    Dec 22, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    Dude, it'll happen. Eventually you'll either find a guy you like, who feels the same way as you, or maybe some time down the line you'll think, 'Screw it' and just do it. You seem like a nice guy, definitely not a recluse, so that's not an issue. A lot of people nowadays have this inherent idea that losing your 'v-plate' is practically a chore to be done. Just let it come to you.
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    Dec 22, 2011 12:31 PM GMT
    If you really feel like you want to take things slow with a guy... then make sure you make that known on your online profiles. I wouldnt HARP on it, but I also wouldn't try to hide from it either.

    Dating situations usually allow more time to get to know the person before getting physical. Also, you may be building the whole virginity thing up in your head. I remember my first time... I topped this guy who I was seeing. He was totally gorgeous and nice.... but in the middle of it all, I was like, okay? So this is what its really like? lol.

    Like... it was great, but there was no explosion of fireworks or magical anything that really happened. I totally over-built it in my head. And since then it's gotten better, even. Sex is important and special, but dont build it up so much that you're too hesitant to get it on. Meet guys, date.... see who you like, see where it goes... it will happen if you let go and live. icon_smile.gif

    Just be safe!
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    Dec 22, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    Dear OP,

    icon_redface.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 22, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    well, here's the thing:

    A. you're not into hooking up.

    B. you want to have sex.

    There's nothing wrong with your decision to wait until you find the guy for you, but if that's your decision you can't be butt hurt about waiting.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    I find it easier to believe a virgin birth than a 30 yo male virgin.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    I had a friend in the same siutaiton and I was like... dude just get some ass already so you get some swag. Well... guy gets more ass than a toliet now and alot of attention from guys. He's a sweetheart and his boyfriend couldnt be happier. Just saying... maybe its worth a shot but be safe and be picky... not too picky though.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    Strongs man... almost in your foot steps... 21 and still the virgin =) the right one will find you
  • chomp

    Posts: 107

    Dec 22, 2011 2:23 PM GMT
    Dude, if you are any of the three people in that photo I doubt you'd have to worry about attractiveness when it comes to looking for a partner... :s
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    Could you clarify? You seem to be saying that you're upset that you're 30 years old and a virgin, but also upset by guys who want to have sex with you.

    Perhaps it's because you automatically associate sex with tricking, but I think you're missing out on how a lot of gay guys get into relationships. I'm not the tricking type... I'm very relationship oriented and I really, really prefer to only have sex with a boyfriend. I can count the number of guys I've had sex with on my fingers. That said, though I didn't put out for my boyfriends the first day we met, we still on the first date did a LOT of heavy making out and we both very clearly wanted to have sex with each other.

    What kind of signals are you expecting from a guy you'll want to sleep with?
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    PS. - Let me +1 to the following...

    ZbmwM5 saidAlso, you may be building the whole virginity thing up in your head. I remember my first time... I topped this guy who I was seeing. He was totally gorgeous and nice.... but in the middle of it all, I was like, okay? So this is what its really like? lol.

    Like... it was great, but there was no explosion of fireworks or magical anything that really happened. I totally over-built it in my head. And since then it's gotten better, even. Sex is important and special, but dont build it up so much that you're too hesitant to get it on.


    Your first time is very likely going to be either "meh" or awful. I was virgin until 22 and the first guy I had sex with I literally thought "Hmm... that was it? Am I gay?" as I drove home. It got better of course lol... but don't imagine it'll be world-rocking.
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    Dec 22, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    So you want to have sex in a relationship or with someone you love, am I getting you right?

    You shouldn't worry about being a virgin nobody really cares about that when you meet someone. But I'd say it's pretty hard to meet a decent guy for a relationship so you should just keep going. And it's always better to try hard and get what you want in the end rather than jumping in bed with someone and regret it afterwards.

    So good luck icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 22, 2011 3:20 PM GMT
    Yeah.. assuming the OP is one of the three guys in the pic, I have a hard time believing he's getting rejected over looks. I'm thinking maybe he's just really picky. icon_lol.gif

    In any case, don't worry about it. No shame in being a virgin. There are lots of other late bloomers out there. Take your time and a find a guy that you feel comfortable with. icon_wink.gif
  • kenanna

    Posts: 77

    Dec 22, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    I'll be your bf icon_razz.gif
  • jsatl

    Posts: 9

    Dec 22, 2011 4:26 PM GMT
    Everyone gets rejected sometimes. I updated the pic to just me, its not cool to post other people online who might not want it.

    Anyway, I'm just turned off when the 3rd line of a chat (either online or a bar) goes straight to "So when we gonna fuck?". And I send out not my favorite pic online usually, because I'm aware I'm not a troll quite yet and just the other day I sent out a pic to a dude I'd chatted with a couple times on a website and all of a sudden he had to go and surprise I got no pic in return and no return message. All good, I just weeded someone I don't need out of my life.

    I'm not trying to protect some "magic flower," I just have really only met like 3 single, normal, nice, good looking guys ever I've wanted to get down and dirty with and they didn't want me. No problem, just be upfront. Some people like steak and some people prefer chicken. As long as everybody eats. Atlanta is a hard gay town. Lots of used up skanky people and Atlantatitude all the way.

    I don't think I'm any better then anyone else. Everyone has their own life path. I'd just prefer to get to know someone prior to doing the dirty and so far, despite the best efforts, thats eluded me. I'm sure I could go on manhunt, send out the most flattering pic I have and end up bend over some guys bed in half an hour but I'd hate myself after. Its just not in me.

    p.s. - Paulflexes, don't bother responding any of my posts. I don't post here enough to warrant your bad attitude and idiotic "devils advocate" type behavior. I've read enough of your work to know that you're about as bad a gay as they come. Thanks.
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    Dec 22, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    I'd go to dinner with you, man icon_smile.gif. We don't even have to talk about teh sex if you don't want haha.

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    Dec 22, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    Guys.....this guy seems kinda fake honestly. He gets turned down because of looks....lets be honest he is a 10. I don't think 90% of guys are turning him down.

    I say troll. icon_smile.gificon_smile.gif
  • jsatl

    Posts: 9

    Dec 22, 2011 4:35 PM GMT
    Hey ASU, believe what you want, but thats exactly why I wouldn't normally send that pic out on manhunt.

    And at least I put a pic up.
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    Dec 22, 2011 4:35 PM GMT
    same here with the dinner thing! no sex at all =D we'll talk about sports, dota, and traveling, and hot celebs
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    Dec 22, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    I think you need to realize that you have intimacy issues which you are rationalizing as some kind of moral issue. Unless you get some experience you are not going to be a good lover if the mythical Mr. Right does come along but don't be surprised it you are still looking at 40.
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    Dec 22, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI think you need to realize that you have intimacy issues which you are rationalizing as some kind of moral issue. Unless you get some experience you are not going to be a good lover if the mythical Mr. Right does come along but don't be surprised it you are still looking at 40.


    +1 great post
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    Dec 22, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    Hey PaulFlexes - Meet the 36 year old virgin...

    To the OP - I'm in the same boat.

    Plus, being the fat person all my life - no one has ever looked at me "that way" in the first place.

    I am hoping now that I am on this new journey to a better me, that someone might come along. - I have a friend who seems to be a bit of psychic... - she keeps asking me if I have someone in my life. She thinks I am lying. She sees someone in my near future... lol

    For years, I had decided that I was just meant to be alone and that is what I deserved. Now, I am just going to live my life, have fun, and when the time is right, it will happen.

    Merry Christmas!!!


    **** Edit: I think I have probably utterly humiliated myself by this post, but I guess now that I have outed myself and it's out there, I can't take it back. I apologize if my comments made anyone uncomfortable. *****
  • jsatl

    Posts: 9

    Dec 22, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI think you need to realize that you have intimacy issues which you are rationalizing as some kind of moral issue. Unless you get some experience you are not going to be a good lover if the mythical Mr. Right does come along but don't be surprised it you are still looking at 40.


    I agree. I probably might end up going to see a therapist. I have a few body image issues from the past also. But that doesn't change the fact that most gay guys in my city are looking for just one thing regardless.
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    Dec 22, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    jsatl saidHey ASU, believe what you want, but thats exactly why I wouldn't normally send that pic out on manhunt.

    And at least I put a pic up.


    Well I dunno on manhunt how they turned you down if they don't know what you look like. Get verified and I'd believe you....just seems trolly.

    If you are that hot.....and could not find a bf....I'd go to counseling you probably have some social interaction problems that need addressed.....