Suggestions on how to meet non-scene type guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 12:27 AM GMT
    I've done the whole scene thing when I was younger and got burned out on it pretty quick. So I'm trying to find dudes in a similar boat as me to connect with as friends or even possibly date.

    So far I've tried the classics like Manhunt and A4A, have Grinder on my phone and used to have Skout. Hell, I even tried Craigslist, but get tired of the same losers flagging my posts there and even the people I've met off of there have been sketchy at best.

    I'm not the type to hang out at the gay club. bar, gym, activist group, or what have you. I like hanging with my friends, watching a game, drinking some beer, or just hanging out, maybe a little gaming. When I'm at the gym, I pretty much do my own thing and keep to myself.

    Anyone have any other suggestions of sites or methods to meet non-scene type guys? Thanks!
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    Dec 23, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    I use MH to find sexually compatible guys. I may spend several months talking to them before an actual date, or may I date them just as friends, and I end up becoming friends of their friends, increasing my circle of contacts.

    The environment is what you make of it. MH, or bars, or clubs, anything can be a great tool if YOU have the competence to give it the right direction.
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    Dec 23, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    I'd think those are the only places to actively meet someone. Either that, or the natural way. Find someone you're interested in, find a common ground and see if you can start a friendship after that. Do you have any friends that could set you up? Otherwise, I'd think the only place to really meet someone is by going to a club/bar/gym/group thing.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 23, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    wow, you sound a lot me. why don't you check out meetup.com i do not know if they have one in colorado but check it out to see. they have all type of social events that you meet people at. they even have gay leagues and social clubs as well
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    Dec 23, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    bachian saidif YOU have the competence to give it the right direction.


    Can you expand on this statement please. Thanks!
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    Dec 23, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidwow, you sound a lot me. why don't you check out meetup.com i do not know if they have one in colorado but check it out to see. they have all type of social events that you meet people at. they even have gay leagues and social clubs as well


    Yeah, I considered the gay groups and social clubs angle, tried a couple, but found it was the same negative atmosphere as the bars/clubs where everyone was talking about who was dating who, who was cheating on who, who was trying to get who to cheat with whom, and who was going to hook up with the fresh meat first, etc. etc. Then I find myself walking on egg shells because this guy doesn't like these guys, but this one guy is kind of my friend, so I'm a bad guy because I know him. icon_razz.gif

    I just want to meet dudes that, as a start, like drinking beer and watching football with no expectations of getting frisky (because I know if it goes that direction it's a one time deal and that's not what I'm trying to go for there).
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 23, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    aedile245 said
    tuffguyndc saidwow, you sound a lot me. why don't you check out meetup.com i do not know if they have one in colorado but check it out to see. they have all type of social events that you meet people at. they even have gay leagues and social clubs as well


    Yeah, I considered the gay groups and social clubs angle, tried a couple, but found it was the same negative atmosphere as the bars/clubs where everyone was talking about who was dating who, who was cheating on who, who was trying to get who to cheat with whom, and who was going to hook up with the fresh meat first, etc. etc. Then I find myself walking on egg shells because this guy doesn't like these guys, but this one guy is kind of my friend, so I'm a bad guy because I know him. icon_razz.gif

    I just want to meet dudes that, as a start, like drinking beer and watching football with no expectations of getting frisky (because I know if it goes that direction it's a one time deal and that's not what I'm trying to go for there).
    bro, i know how you feel. listen, try craigslist but put it in platonic. also try meetup.com i think you can always find people to do things with. actually, i am thinking about moving out your way. hell maybe you can show me around when i get there. i have not decided where i will live yet but i am definitely thinking about moving out that way
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    aedile245 said
    tuffguyndc saidwow, you sound a lot me. why don't you check out meetup.com i do not know if they have one in colorado but check it out to see. they have all type of social events that you meet people at. they even have gay leagues and social clubs as well


    Yeah, I considered the gay groups and social clubs angle, tried a couple, but found it was the same negative atmosphere as the bars/clubs where everyone was talking about who was dating who, who was cheating on who, who was trying to get who to cheat with whom, and who was going to hook up with the fresh meat first, etc. etc. Then I find myself walking on egg shells because this guy doesn't like these guys, but this one guy is kind of my friend, so I'm a bad guy because I know him. icon_razz.gif

    I just want to meet dudes that, as a start, like drinking beer and watching football with no expectations of getting frisky (because I know if it goes that direction it's a one time deal and that's not what I'm trying to go for there).
    bro, i know how you feel. listen, try craigslist but put it in platonic. also try meetup.com i think you can always find people to do things with. actually, i am thinking about moving out your way. hell maybe you can show me around when i get there. i have not decided where i will live yet but i am definitely thinking about moving out that way


    I actually used to live out your way too, couldn't get away fast enough, heh. Honestly, I wish my company had a presence in Texas since it seems like it was a bit easier to make connections down there, I'd rather move back there, maybe try Austin this time.

    And CL is off limits totally for me. I get frustrated posting an ad there only to have it flagged off an hour later (there's this child molester dude that lurks there all day and flags people constantly).

    I could give meetup a shot I suppose. Just don't know a heck of a lot about it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 23, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    aedile245 said
    tuffguyndc said
    aedile245 said
    tuffguyndc saidwow, you sound a lot me. why don't you check out meetup.com i do not know if they have one in colorado but check it out to see. they have all type of social events that you meet people at. they even have gay leagues and social clubs as well


    Yeah, I considered the gay groups and social clubs angle, tried a couple, but found it was the same negative atmosphere as the bars/clubs where everyone was talking about who was dating who, who was cheating on who, who was trying to get who to cheat with whom, and who was going to hook up with the fresh meat first, etc. etc. Then I find myself walking on egg shells because this guy doesn't like these guys, but this one guy is kind of my friend, so I'm a bad guy because I know him. icon_razz.gif

    I just want to meet dudes that, as a start, like drinking beer and watching football with no expectations of getting frisky (because I know if it goes that direction it's a one time deal and that's not what I'm trying to go for there).
    bro, i know how you feel. listen, try craigslist but put it in platonic. also try meetup.com i think you can always find people to do things with. actually, i am thinking about moving out your way. hell maybe you can show me around when i get there. i have not decided where i will live yet but i am definitely thinking about moving out that way


    I actually used to live out your way too, couldn't get away fast enough, heh. Honestly, I wish my company had a presence in Texas since it seems like it was a bit easier to make connections down there, I'd rather move back there, maybe try Austin this time.

    And CL is off limits totally for me. I get frustrated posting an ad there only to have it flagged off an hour later (there's this child molester dude that lurks there all day and flags people constantly).

    I could give meetup a shot I suppose. Just don't know a heck of a lot about it.
    ha ha ha bro trust me i know how you feel. but give meetup.com a try. it is very simple to work so will not have to worry about anything. yeah dc can be a bit much. i mean most of the gay guys here are all about the gay scene. most can not even function without it. i am lucky i have a few of my buddies who happen to have a nice mixture of gay and straight friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    I don't know. I figure I'm going to throw a few flags out there and go about my day.... use my HRC card, got my right ear pierced, manacure, display what song I'm listening to on my phone, wear my HRC T-Shirt or my ServiceMembers United Shirt. I know my first date wont be at the club, might be the muesume or an art gallary... for sure a run at the park... maybe walk our dogs or something... for sure different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 5:53 AM GMT
    grocery store or where ever you work doesn't seem to bad. i flirt lightly with everyone, every gender and sometimes i get some flirt back. i can't make a move first, but if they like what they see, the ball is in their court. best you can do is put yourself out there.

    also i think volunteer groups are a good way to meet a wholesome person who isn't about himself. also a good way to put yourself out there.
  • Chips005

    Posts: 16

    Dec 23, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    my suggestion is to just do things that you enjoy doing. don't worry about trying to meet someone, which i personally know, is hard to do sometimes. by doing things that you enjoy, people you meet will undoubtedly enjoy the same things you do. and if you're happy with your life, completely independent of someone else, that energy is very attractive. good luck! =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 6:15 AM GMT
    Chips005 saidmy suggestion is to just do things that you enjoy doing. don't worry about trying to meet someone, which i personally know, is hard to do sometimes. by doing things that you enjoy, people you meet will undoubtedly enjoy the same things you do. and if you're happy with your life, completely independent of someone else, that energy is very attractive. good luck! =)


    this is so true. i get hit on a whole lot when I'm not single. when i am single i am still happy but i dont get noticed to the same degree.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 6:21 AM GMT
    good luck man, it's hard to figure this one out. it's really cookie cutter out here with most people being very into the same stuff, knowing all the same people, gossiping, and being really concerned with who knows/hangs out with/dates who. not my thing at all so never feel like i fit in. i play in the gay flag football league and there are some good guys but still tough to fit in.

    sorry i don't have any good advice. all i can say is that there are other guys out there like you maybe who do their own thing but still want to know/hangout with other gay guys. crap, i'm rambing.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    I'm in the same gay pride parade float as you are...just kidding...Anyway, if I had the answer to that, I'd write a book, save a lot of us quite a bit of frustration and wasted time...I've found different websites like A4A, Manhunt etc. to be a total waste of time...they come over, you fuck, and you never see or hear from them again. And as far as the whole gay scene goes, I came out later in life and I feel like I'm back in high school again. Doesn't help that I'm Oriental and have to deal with the whole "not into Asians" situation. At this point, all I can say is, "Good luck to us all!"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    I've met more decent people through sport and hobbies than anything!

    There are non-scene gay people everywhere... it just depends on what their interests are I guess.......

    ..But finding them you need to network in a non-sexual environment in the first place lol.

    Places I've met awesome peeps:

    Judo club, rowing club, football, flying club, wrestling club, the beach surfing, etc

    just talk to ppl man... you'll never ever get to know anyone to your satisfaction if you're too introverted.

    Get out there man! You don't always need the internet to find someone icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 23, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    aedile245 said
    bachian saidif YOU have the competence to give it the right direction.


    Can you expand on this statement please. Thanks!


    You say you tried the classics like MH, but what went wrong? Don't tell me you found nothing but guys into sex! When you add someone from MH to your preferred instant messenger, you are in control of what you are going to talk and do. You can talk to him as if you would talk to someone you met on facebook. It doesn't have to be a sexual talk if you don't want to. He's a human being like any other and most likely there's something beyond sex going on his life. Why don't you try to find this side? Just because the site has a focus on sex doesn't imply its members are nothing but whores. The environment is what you make of it.
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    Dec 23, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    aedile245 said
    tuffguyndc saidwow, you sound a lot me. why don't you check out meetup.com i do not know if they have one in colorado but check it out to see. they have all type of social events that you meet people at. they even have gay leagues and social clubs as well


    Yeah, I considered the gay groups and social clubs angle, tried a couple, but found it was the same negative atmosphere as the bars/clubs where everyone was talking about who was dating who, who was cheating on who, who was trying to get who to cheat with whom, and who was going to hook up with the fresh meat first, etc. etc. Then I find myself walking on egg shells because this guy doesn't like these guys, but this one guy is kind of my friend, so I'm a bad guy because I know him. icon_razz.gif

    I just want to meet dudes that, as a start, like drinking beer and watching football with no expectations of getting frisky (because I know if it goes that direction it's a one time deal and that's not what I'm trying to go for there).


    I'm with you! If I lived near you I would watch football and drink beer with you and have no expectations of anything else. I do this with all my straight friends but have yet to find anyone gay who enjoys stuff like this without expecting more as well. Sucks.
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    Dec 23, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    Why not try everyday life? Gay is everywhere and so is bi if you're into bi closet types. Limiting yourself to only gay places is a thing of the past. Depends what you're looking for as well. If you just want a good quick hookup then all of the places you named should fill that void. Too meet a potential boyfriend don't limit yourself.