"thats so gay" - offensive statement?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2008 3:51 AM GMT
    So...im not out to a lot of people, family and friends, and if it comes up, ill tell, but i dont feel that being gay defines me. Now to the point... when people that dont know im gay, or even when people know i am, they sometimes say shit like "thats so gay" or "what a queer" or "ur such a fag". Now, its never been directed towards myself and actually never toward someone i know that is gay. I feel ... i dont even know how to describe it, just, a pain, or like a "sharpness" when these phrases r used. And like i said, its never been towards me, but is it just ignorance and i should ignore it...or tell them (the ones who know im gay) to cool it?

    Your thoughts?
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    Jun 15, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    Yeah, I agree. Even if the person is joking, it still reinforces the negative connotation that gay is something bad.

    I suppose you could turn it around and act like it was meant as praise, and say something like..."well, I am not THAT good, but thanks." or "well, it's not that good, but it is good!"
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    Jun 15, 2008 4:23 AM GMT
    Ya, you should be offended. That statement is dependent on the question "gay = bad". If the new hip phrase was "that is so niggerly" people wouldn't take it as well, but it is just a simple but equally relevant substitution in the equation.

    If your friends or family uses such a phrase, you should tell them they sound like an ignorant ass.
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    Jun 15, 2008 4:26 AM GMT
    I feel the same "sharpness" or pain that you're talking about when people say that around me too. But, over the years, I've started calling people out on it (even if they don't know me) because it seems like it helps more often than not. Most people I've told didn't even realize what they were saying until called on it. Then they were like, "wow, I'm not going to use that anymore." I've noticed people I hang out with rarely or never use it anymore.

    There's always the handful of people that will argue with you and say it's not degrading, etc..., but whatever. I ignore them.
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    Jun 15, 2008 4:32 AM GMT
    Sometimes my strait male best friend makes a little joke or tease here and there, not very often. It is all in good fun.
    However if he were to do it more often, I am sure it would begin to annoy me.

    But if your friends are making statements like "that is so gay" or "you're such a fag," oh no (especially the latter). I would not stand for that, even if they were not directing it at me (God forbid if they did). These statements especially sting if you had been subjected to bullying.

    It's just rude for one because they don't stop to think about what is meant by those statements. Who are they to define what is "Gay"? They cant even comprehend what it is to be gay. And calling someone a fag? I take it as a racist remark or derogatory slur. Ignorance indeed.

    Stones can break bones, but words can break wills.
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    Jun 15, 2008 8:05 AM GMT
    I don't know guys, I don't think it holds so much weight... I sometimes even use the phrase "That's so gay" sometimes lol.... U can tell if someone is using it to be hurtful, or if someone is just yanking your chain. Also, the "Niggerly" analogy just doesn't apply to this situation whatsoever...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 15, 2008 10:42 AM GMT
    That statement just goes to show the level of residual homophobia that's left in this country

    and the terribly incendiary aspect of the term is more that it really has nothing to do with actually BEING gay but everything that is both Weak and Lame

    I especially don't like the term because it's used so pervasively in American adolescent jargon
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2008 11:31 AM GMT
    You have a right to fill that way. But I myself, an old fag of 46, whom has been sexually active since five. Is well adjusted to ones own sexuality. Such things give me no grief at all.

    I used the term here today; that's so gay. Do I feel One said anything wrong?

    NO!

    You are young, and are not at the level of being at ease with your sexuality as I.

    I feel people have a right to be homophobic. But this does not give them a right to beat up homosexuals.

    If someone does not like me because of my sexuality, then fine. I have not one issue with this. i don't seek approval.

    Plus I feel political correctness is a crock, and I've seen it used as a weapon to abuse and attack others, as well it is detrimental to freedom of speech!

    Sorry but somethings are just soooo gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2008 11:49 AM GMT
    Oh get a thick skin! When you let a statement that's meant to be offensive offend you it only gratifies the jerk who said it.

    What is it about straight people that can be used as a quick come back? Especially straight guys.

    How about "Boring as straight guy sex" or how about the label "vagina slaves"? Don't get mad, hit back, just keep the wrist straight and punch through the target.

    Can anyone think of others? Some women have a problem with us too and make evil comments, what about them?
    Can you come up with a quick come back for evil women?

    Getting pissed off, well, that's not very gay.



  • jetswa737

    Posts: 18

    Jun 15, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    "Sticks and stones can break my bones but word may never hurt me."

    Any one remember saying that as a kid. Little did we know that words can hurt and to some do more damage than sticks and stones. The human psyche is very fragile and to tell someone to just get over it is appalling. What most people dont realize is that yes these are just word, but to those people who carry baggage around, these words mean a whole lot more. It takes them back to the day when their father beat the crap out of them and shouted "you are such a fag." Or when they were learning to play football with their brother and was told that the way they threw the ball is "so gay." One of our many faults as human beings is we think that everyone is like us. Well guess what they are not so get over it and it is our reponsibility as a member of this society to be respectful of one another. And that would be, to not use offensive statements. Fo those of you who shudder at hearing "that so gay" and the like think about all the other offensive comments you may make towards others and try and curtail your behavior as well.
  • gymguy81

    Posts: 455

    Jun 15, 2008 1:38 PM GMT
    when some one makes that statement i make them justify it and make them feel dumb then i tellem thats so str8.
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    Jun 15, 2008 1:45 PM GMT
    gymguy81 saidwhen some one makes that statement i make them justify it and make them feel dumb then i tellem thats so str8.


    As a homosexual. I have every right to use the term "that's so gay", without having too justify it, and too use the word fag.
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    Jun 15, 2008 1:48 PM GMT
    I personally find it irritating. Maybe we should start a movement that uses the word "straight" in a derogatory way. To mean ignorant, narrow-minded and intolerant. icon_evil.gif

    I am fortunate that my family (including my nieces and nephew) know I am gay and don't use that term. Matter of fact they probably wouldn't anyways, they don't seem to be into slang that much.
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    Jun 15, 2008 2:04 PM GMT
    Remember that Ann Coulter excused her calling John Edwards a fag with the logic that it's just a generalized playground insult now that bears no relation to actual sexual orientation.

    That's bullshit, of course. The right has made attacking a candidate's masculinity a favorite strategy. George Bush, a draft-dodging child of immense privilege, was successfully depicted as a brush-cuttin' cowboy (on his livestock-less ranch) while Gore and Kerry were both feminized.

    We're seeing the same thing happening with the McCain-Obama contest. McCain's being represented as a war hero, a manly man, while Obama's an arugula-eating, effete terrorist and elitist. (Maybe the Dems should try swift-boating Mr. McSame.)

    Were calling something or someone "gay" not still an insult, politicians would not be exploiting the issue so predictably and successfully.
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    Jun 15, 2008 2:30 PM GMT
    Some people here seem to brush it off and dismiss the negativity of that phrase, but it still denigrates gay people and reinforces the idea that being gay is inferior and gay people are less deserving of respect (in fact, deserving of disrespect). In that light, I don't see how anyone here would defend using that phrase.
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    Jun 15, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    In some cases, it's the same victims of stockholm syndrome who consider themselves repugnicans.
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    Jun 15, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    I think it is silly to worry about it really. We have started saying "that's so straight" around here. All in good fun and besides, I call people fags all the time.
  • byronicheros

    Posts: 211

    Jun 15, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    I use to say "that's gay" before I even realized that I was gay, so I still use it sometimes...not all the time though.


    However, whenever I do hear it, I definitely perceive it as humor. It seems somewhere along the line the word "gay" exemplified a gay connotation. It's probably not a good thing, however I don't find it offensive when I hear it because instead I hear "that's dumb" in place of "that's gay".

    I'm sure when people say it around you, they think they are teasing you or trying to create humor. So, I don't think you should feel that way. Anyway, that's my opinion for the day.
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    Jun 15, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    I call my straight friends and straight people in general that I don't like fags and faggots. It annoys them a lot and makes me feel happy. It's especially fun to use when they know I'm gay. I also use the word "gay" to describe anything I don't like.
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    Jun 15, 2008 5:07 PM GMT
    I dont even notice when my buds say stuff like that. Its so common. I dont get offended when I hear it, unless its given literal effect towards me.
    Otherwise i brush that dirt off my shoulder lol
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    Jun 15, 2008 5:36 PM GMT

    Yeah, that phrase irritates me. Whenever I hear someone use it, they're intelligence is kind of lowered in my mind. It's really juvenile and I just think that there are better ways to express things negatively.

    I don't think that saying "that's so straight", however, is really fixing any kind of problem. I doubt that straight people would care to the same extent we did about that phrase. Plus, do we really need to alienate ourselves even more from the heterosexual community?
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    Jun 15, 2008 5:42 PM GMT
    All I have to say is this; words only hold certain weight if we allow them to!
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    Jun 15, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    my fraternity brothers say it ALL THE TIME; and then realize i'm present and stumble over themselves to apologize and make sure i'm alright with it- its really cute. i honestly don't mind when its said casually. its like, i used to say 'that's retarded'.. until this girl i was with said 'um... my little brother is autistic, could you not say that?' and so i broke myself of the habit. but i know it's said without intending to be cruel or rude- just and expression. it only bothers me when its said homophonically/hatefully/hurtfully. when its intended as the worst insult one guy can think of to fling at another, i take offense.
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    Jun 15, 2008 6:00 PM GMT
    Most of my current friends were saying "thats so gay" long before they even knew me. After I came out, they still said it, but would always look at me apologetically afterwards when they realized that it might be offensive to me. I told them I have no problem with what they said, and would be more offended if they started treating me differently just cuz I finally came out. Words are just words.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Jun 15, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    Holy crap, I can't agree more. I also understand that it's kind of joke-ish, but I also get this weird feeling, like a gulp getting pierced by a knife.

    But yes, perhaps you, we, should offended. Like MunchingZombie said, they're using the words gay/fag in a very derrogative way. If you think about it, it's just as "funny" as saying something like "Man you're broke? You're such a nigger".