Cheers to the father-less

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    Jun 15, 2008 1:15 PM GMT
    I suspect that there are many folks like me that don't celebrate this holiday. It sometimes leaves me feeling like I am missing something significant in my life, but I have not really known anything different. My father is still out there and I have a bridge to build, I know. But for today, this is just a nod to those of you who know what I'm feeling.

    (Edit: I hope this isn't me, but you never know icon_eek.gif )

    dysfunction.jpg

    "The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you."
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jun 15, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    I was just thinking today that I will never be called "Dad" I will never be a father icon_cry.gif

    Anyway, it would probably be worse to be father-less.

    Hugs

    Mike
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    Jun 15, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    I was estranged for over 20 years from my dad. He died 4 years ago. I thought that I had dealt with all the feelings I had about him (hurt, anger, rejection, etc), but when he died, all those feeling I had buried deep down in my gut came bubbling to the surface. Even though I know we could never have had a "normal" father/son-type relationship, I still regret all the years I missed out on any-type of relationship with him.

    If your dad is still alive, I would ask you to contact him today. You don't have to get in to anything with him...just say "Hey dad, I was thinking about you and wanted to say Happy Father's Day". Open a door. You never know where it will lead. You may never have the type of relationship with him that you would like, but trust me, it's better to do it while he's still alive that to regret the years of silence.

    Peace.
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:14 PM GMT
    I am really lucky because my dad is such an amazing guy. I think anyone who has issues with their dad should try to resolve them. I can't imagine my life without my dad in it. Still to this day I remember those times 20 years ago when he was first teaching my how to play baseball, and how scared my mom was that I was gonna get hurt somehow. Well I did, more than once, and he always got in trouble! lol.

    I look forward now to him getting older and me being able to be there for him like he was there for me!
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:17 PM GMT
    How One well remembers seeing my Pa on his death bed, eroded with envy and hate. He would not even talk to me. Full of anger it was him there and not I.

    Full of hate because he was forced at gunpoint too marry a women he did not love. Eroded from a lost life.

    The last thing I said to my sperm donor, was "have a good trip." I have never missed him once since his death. But..... then I never had a father, even when I lived under the same roof as him.

    This man blamed me for starting to have sex at 5. It was my fault. yet this man stood by and alowed his wife to rape my soul and murder my childhood. Maybe when this guy got me to start to suck his cock. One may not of looked at this as tender touch; love.

    I'm now so grateful I have never bred. I am free, to be me.
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:21 PM GMT
    Of course, you are right. It is only a label. But you mentioned in your first post that "this is a difficult day for me as well".

    When I stop talking to my dad, I was 18 years old. One month became two. Two became a year. A year became ten. Ten became twenty. Unfortunately, the more time passes, the harder it is to open the door.

    When he died, I wasn't even sure if I should go to any of the services...it was for someone to whom I had absolutely no connection. Fortunately, my niece convinced me to go. Because of that, I reconnected with my step-mother and she has been like a guardian angel ever since. She should have been dealing with her own grief, but instead she went out of her way to take care of me. And through her, I came to know the man. I'm still not even sure it could have happened when he was alive (in fact, I'm almost positive it couldn't). But, I found out things about him and his life that I never knew. Trust me, it doesn't excuse the way he treated me. But at least I can begin to try and understand him.



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    Jun 17, 2008 2:44 PM GMT
    My Dad passed away about a month ago and yesterday was his birthday as well. Tough couple of days.....icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    Luckydog76 saidMy Dad passed away about a month ago and yesterday was his birthday as well. Tough couple of days.....icon_cry.gif


    Luckydog and I both struggled with Father's Day this year because we both lost our dads this year, mine just last week. I can't emphasis enough how important it is to take the high road and reach out to your fathers. Like Laddy said, you never know where it might lead. It takes one to initiate it, be the man guys.

    I had a great relationship with my dad, despite some personal issues and I know that when he died, we were fine with each other. Reach out if you haven't, you'll NEVER be sorry regardless of the response. Peace.
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:52 PM GMT
    Luckydog76 saidMy Dad passed away about a month ago and yesterday was his birthday as well. Tough couple of days.....icon_cry.gif


    Matey ponder on the good times, and you are blessed to of had a Pa you loved, and whom may well of loved you too.
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:54 PM GMT
    Thanks guys...you are all a blessingicon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 17, 2008 3:21 PM GMT
    Mine was always a cell phone call away...if that says anything. He was there financially until i was 18 and then he realized he didnt have to be after that (also the time he left my mom for the hotel maid he was carrying on a 4 year relationship with) thus i had to start working and lowered my university grades significantly and could forget all ideas of law school..but an education is better than no education. Luckily my mom is amazing and does everything she could for my sister and i. We live a great and bountiful life now, i only have to work minimally now to pay for my groceries while at school and such, i dont know how she did it, haha, well aside from how good her divorce lawyer was...

    So this fathers day i felt like maybe i should shoot him an email and leave a message on his cell...well, the email address no longer exists and the cell phone connected me to a completely different person's voicemail, so, i took that as a sign of relief, im done with him. So i took my mom to dinner and we toasted to it being her second mothers day.
    i cant wait to be a father, i will give my kid(s) all the opportunity in the world, and be a significant person in their lives from their first step to their last. My kids will be proud of me as a father and will be able to look to me for anything and everything, no matter what the circumstance and whatever curveballs the world throws them.
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    Jun 17, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    Its all toooo Much! Next will be Uncles Day? Aunties Day and Gran and Grandad's Day?

    Maybe Pooches and Pussies Day?


    It drives me Nut's!!!!!!!!
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    Jun 17, 2008 8:51 PM GMT
    Pattison saidHow One well remembers seeing my Pa on his death bed, eroded with envy and hate. He would not even talk to me. Full of anger it was him there and not I.

    Full of hate because he was forced at gunpoint too marry a women he did not love. Eroded from a lost life.

    The last thing I said to my sperm donor, was "have a good trip." I have never missed him once since his death. But..... then I never had a father, even when I lived under the same roof as him.

    This man blamed me for starting to have sex at 5. It was my fault. yet this man stood by and alowed his wife to rape my soul and murder my childhood. Maybe when this guy got me to start to suck his cock. One may not of looked at this as tender touch; love.

    I'm now so grateful I have never bred. I am free, to be me.


    Yikes!
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    Jun 21, 2008 1:50 PM GMT
    I identified with a lot of the guys who posted on here.. I had a lot of mixed feelings about my father.
    He died yesterday of prostate cancer. I thought I would be ok. I thought that maybe his death wouldn't leave a giant hole or a broken heart. But it is horrible. I should have been the bigger person and not held on to my own selfish pride. I blamed him for not being able to clearly communicate how he felt about me and life. Whenever we would talk he would only just say "I love you and I am proud of you". "How's the weather?" There was never any room to talk about anything else. It always frustrated me until I just stopped calling.

    I spoke to him a couple hours before he died and he said I love you and I said the same. I could feel how scared and sorry he was. I was told that he said a prayer for me every night in the hospital. I wish I could go back and enjoy talking about the weather more.. because I will never have that opportunity again.

    Life is complicated. I thought I had it all figured out only to realize I was just being stupid and had it all wrong. Family is a tough gig, but sometimes it is better to suck it up and be forgiving than to hold out for something that will never be.