What to do after an amazing hook up?

  • Derble

    Posts: 7

    Dec 25, 2011 9:06 AM GMT
    Hey guys. I am very new to the scene and last night, I had my first time.

    So, I was at this bar and was dancing with this guy and his lady friend. We were dancing for like 20 minutes when the music stopped because the bar has to close. We then went outside and smoked for a little bit. All this time, we were having a great conversation about being "gay" and how I as a "newbie" should go about it.

    We then walked his lady friend over to her car then we decided to go and have some pizza. After that, since I would have to wait 30 minutes for my bus, he said that it's probably a good idea for us to just chill in his apartment for a bit, since he just lives down the street. We then went there. We talked and talked and we were just really having an amazing conversation. When it was time for me to leave, he asked me if I wanted to just take the next bus which is in an hour, so we could hang out a little more. Then we hang out and talked and we were just having a great time. We can just talk and talk and I really felt like we have a connection.

    So while we were talking, we started getting closer and closer to each other then we ended up in his bed. We both had a great time. I know this not only because he said it but I also saw that he was really into it. A few hours later, we did it again.

    When we woke up in the morning, it was totally not weird and we still are having the same conversations we were having the night before. I still felt like we have a connection and I think so does he.

    He however gave the hint that I should probably leave and so I did.

    I might just be being paranoid or whatever. Is it normal for a guy to give you the hint to leave the morning after, even if you seemed to both had a great time?

    Also, when should I call and ask for a date? lol

    I'm such a newbie at this and I hope you guys can help me out!!! icon_smile.gif Thanks!
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    Dec 25, 2011 9:13 AM GMT
    Assume that was probably it.

    If it turns out there´s more, great, but don´t set yourself up for disappointment. It´s possible that he was just chatting you up to get you in bed.

  • Nizzo

    Posts: 130

    Dec 25, 2011 10:34 AM GMT
    I would send him a text or one email asking if he would like to hang out again then prepare yourself mentally that you were most likely a one night stand. It happens to everyone though, lol
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Dec 25, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    Go to the club again, try to run into him, see what the vibe is like. Might have been just a one night stand, don't read much into it, as you are so new at this, try to rmember it as a nice beginning to gay sex for you.
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    Dec 25, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    It is known as a "hook up".... you will do it many times in your life, and at some point you will have to ask yourself it that is enough for you.

    Nothing wrong with that, it's a good thing. Eventually, you may want more, or maybe not.

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    Dec 25, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    Derble saidHey guys. I am very new to the scene and last night, I had my first time.

    So, I was at this bar and was dancing with this guy and his lady friend. We were dancing for like 20 minutes when the music stopped because the bar has to close. We then went outside and smoked for a little bit. All this time, we were having a great conversation about being "gay" and how I as a "newbie" should go about it.

    We then walked his lady friend over to her car then we decided to go and have some pizza. After that, since I would have to wait 30 minutes for my bus, he said that it's probably a good idea for us to just chill in his apartment for a bit, since he just lives down the street. We then went there. We talked and talked and we were just really having an amazing conversation. When it was time for me to leave, he asked me if I wanted to just take the next bus which is in an hour, so we could hang out a little more. Then we hang out and talked and we were just having a great time. We can just talk and talk and I really felt like we have a connection.

    So while we were talking, we started getting closer and closer to each other then we ended up in his bed. We both had a great time. I know this not only because he said it but I also saw that he was really into it. A few hours later, we did it again.

    When we woke up in the morning, it was totally not weird and we still are having the same conversations we were having the night before. I still felt like we have a connection and I think so does he.

    He however gave the hint that I should probably leave and so I did.

    I might just be being paranoid or whatever. Is it normal for a guy to give you the hint to leave the morning after, even if you seemed to both had a great time?

    Also, when should I call and ask for a date? lol

    I'm such a newbie at this and I hope you guys can help me out!!! icon_smile.gif Thanks!


    Ahh, the ol' wait-at-my-place routine. You got played. But you got some good sexing out of it. Just don't try to make something more of it than it was. You may be disappointed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidAssume that was probably it.

    If it turns out there´s more, great, but don´t set yourself up for disappointment. It´s possible that he was just chatting you up to get you in bed.



    don't listen to him, don't be afraid to be disappointed, you go and give him a shot if it dont work out then move on if it does great for you, at least you know you gave it a shot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    Maybe he had shit to do that day. Just send him a message saying you had fun and would like to see him again. Being direct is the best way, so don't try to read into things too much. Guys can be assholes, so don't take it personally if he just wants sex and not a relationship. I'm sure you are a good person, so don't get discouraged newbie!
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    Dec 25, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    I agree with what everyone else has already said, man...
    I think to him it was just sex - some people are like that. What I mean is some people are so outgoing and can make you feel like you're their best friend. It's a talent - they're usually great salespeople lol
    Just send him a text in a few days asking him to hang out. He can't say yes unless you ask.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    Derble saidWhat to do after an amazing hook up?
    Go back in the bar and find another one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 9:34 PM GMT
    Those are what we called "one nighters" and prior to HIV, that's what we older guys did - in our college years. We went out dancing and since we were all in our prime, fit, worked out, having a great time - we almost never went home empty handed. We ended up at our place or another guy's place. In fact, before you went out, you made sure everything was right for any guest you might bring back. You lowered the lights, keyed up some music (albums & tapes) and chilled some wine and strawberries. I liked B&B, Amaretto or Courvoisier. You had fresh sheets and towels ready, and at around 10, out you went. There were some great dance places with live bands or places with d.j.'s. Even though things were on the DL then, you knew where to go - and there were some hot places in SF, near where I was an undergrad. Did we ever see a one nighter more than once? Although most of them were hot and the nights were almost always amazing, for some reason we rarely ever hooked up twice with the same guy. We always wanted "strange" which is another word for a new conquest. Finally with growing tired of the one nighter life, and with HIV in the news, most of us cut this sort of life out, and found ourselves spending more time with boyfriends.

    icon_cool.gif
  • Derble

    Posts: 7

    Dec 25, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    Thanks you guys for all the replies!!! I really appreciate it!

    I really hope it's more than just a "one-nighter" cause I really thought he was cute and that we really had a connection. Nevertheless, I'm not crazy enough that I can't help myself from calling him. I HAVE NOT CALLED YET AND I DO NOT KNOW WHEN TO CALL. When is the best time to call without appearing either too clingy or uninterested?

    Also, the morning after our amazing night, he said that "there will be more." I'm just not sure if he meant "more of the sex with him," or just simply "more of the sex."

    Also, we were both SOBER when we went to his house. We even had pizza before we went there and we were really having a great conversation. If it's a date, I'd say it was an amazing one followed by mind-blowing sex.

    I really don't want to disappoint myself but maybe I have to try and ask him myself. Do you guys think I should wait before he calls me first or should I do it first?

    However, if it was just a one nighter for him (which I hope not), it really is a great experience me. My self esteem really boosted up since somebody thought I am "sexually attractive."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    Derble saidThanks you guys for all the replies!!! I really appreciate it!

    I really hope it's more than just a "one-nighter" cause I really thought he was cute and that we really had a connection. Nevertheless, I'm not crazy enough that I can't help myself from calling him. I HAVE NOT CALLED YET AND I DO NOT KNOW WHEN TO CALL. When is the best time to call without appearing either too clingy or uninterested?

    Also, the morning after our amazing night, he said that "there will be more." I'm just not sure if he meant "more of the sex with him," or just simply "more of the sex."

    Also, we were both SOBER when we went to his house. We even had pizza before we went there and we were really having a great conversation. If it's a date, I'd say it was an amazing one followed by mind-blowing sex.

    I really don't want to disappoint myself but maybe I have to try and ask him myself. Do you guys think I should wait before he calls me first or should I do it first?

    However, if it was just a one nighter for him (which I hope not), it really is a great experience me. My self esteem really boosted up since somebody thought I am "sexually attractive."


    you should deff give him a call, wait 2 or 3 days then call him to go on a date lol
  • Derble

    Posts: 7

    Dec 25, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
    should I greet him "Merry Christmas" at all today?
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Dec 25, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
    Derble said

    I'm such a newbie at this and I hope you guys can help me out!!! icon_smile.gif Thanks!



    It was probably just sex...What are you...A lesbian? icon_eek.gif
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Dec 25, 2011 10:30 PM GMT
    Wait three days before calling or texting.
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    Dec 25, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    Derble saidshould I greet him "Merry Christmas" at all today?


    its really you're choice, the problem with guys today is that they turn everything into a mind game, if you want go greet him merry christmas. show him you are interested and see what happensicon_biggrin.gif remember don't play it safe. you got to take the riskicon_biggrin.gif
  • Derble

    Posts: 7

    Dec 25, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    archon said
    Derble saidshould I greet him "Merry Christmas" at all today?


    its really you're choice, the problem with guys today is that they turn everything into a mind game, if you want go greet him merry christmas. show him you are interested and see what happensicon_biggrin.gif remember don't play it safe. you got to take the riskicon_biggrin.gif


    okay, i did greet him through facebook. he was online then 2 minutes after i sent the message, he logged out. icon_sad.gif(((
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    Derble saidshould I greet him "Merry Christmas" at all today?


    See where that leads and then try to initiate another date.

    But, be prepared for passive-aggressiveness. Minnesota is known for it.
  • Derble

    Posts: 7

    Dec 25, 2011 10:38 PM GMT
    BlakeJ said
    Derble saidshould I greet him "Merry Christmas" at all today?


    See where that leads and then try to initiate another date.

    But, be prepared for passive-aggressiveness. Minnesota is known for it.


    hey what does "passive-aggresiveness" mean?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 10:40 PM GMT
    Derble said
    archon said
    Derble saidshould I greet him "Merry Christmas" at all today?


    its really you're choice, the problem with guys today is that they turn everything into a mind game, if you want go greet him merry christmas. show him you are interested and see what happensicon_biggrin.gif remember don't play it safe. you got to take the riskicon_biggrin.gif


    okay, i did greet him through facebook. he was online then 2 minutes after i sent the message, he logged out. icon_sad.gif(((


    lol be patient, wait until he answers, to tell you the truth when i like someone and they send me messages and i am online i usually log off and look at it latter cause i get nervous lol, so just wait. and if he dont answer you have removed something from youre life not worth anything, better sooner then latter righticon_wink.gif
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Dec 25, 2011 10:43 PM GMT
    I say if you feel like calling or texting then do it.

    Sitting around for X amount of days pretending to show no interest in someone does what exactly?
    icon_neutral.gif

    The worst thing that can happen is he will not be interested and you can know for sure and move on with all the 'learning' ..so pull the band aid already.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 10:45 PM GMT
    Hmmm not to sound negative but I think he took the advantage of your being a freshie and therefore and easy lay.

    If you got his number, ask him if he would like to hang. If not then think nothing of it but a notch in your belt icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    Calling/texting someone you just met on Christmas Day is a terrible, terrible idea. He likely has plans, possibly with family. It sounds really needy.

    Wait a few days. Then call. Make sure you have a reason for calling ("I bought that album you were telling me about" etc).