what's your biggest complaint/turn off/dissappointment about your bf?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11505

    Dec 25, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    mine would be lack of access: i just don't see him enough!

    our jobs and work schedule have changed during the almost 4 years we have been together. when we first met and became close; he was working varying shifts as an EMT for the city. i was working 4 pm to midnight or 4 pm to 4 am most of the time, with occasional infrequent shifts on either the morning or midnight shift. we we both were often on the same work/sleep/social interaction shift schedule.

    now he works 7 pm to 7 am as an ICU nurse, on a revolving 3-2-2-3 schedule. i work a fixed 7 am to 3 pm shift monday thru friday now.

    he is just waking up and ready to "greet the world" at 8 pm on his nights off; by 10 pm i am falling asleep where i am sitting.

    on his first day off from work, he is recovering from night shift, so any social interaction is not possible. often on the day before resuming his night shift he is trying to sleep late to prepare for his grueling, stressfull night shift nursing job, so getting together on that day is often limited.

    we are both "Private People", neither wants to move in with the other, we both value our solitude and usually don't take offense at the other enjoying his.

    i've tried to get together with him in the afternoons before he goes to work; but he needs his quiet time before he goes to the hospital to mentally prepare himself for the Hectic Hell his job can often be.

    in the morning, after he gets off of work, he is a walking, washed out zombie, needing his "quiet time" to wind down from his job, usually by web surfing/video game playing and consuming various amounts of alcohol and cigarettes.

    as the current expression sez: "it is what it is".

    i don't see either one of us being able to change our jobs or personalities; so our "quality time" together is limited.

    but....when it's good....it IS good!

    so, what's your bf beef?
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    Dec 25, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    Interestingly, my issue is similar to yours. I feel that we don't spend enough time with each other. My boyfriend is the same way as yours: he needs his alone time, and we also live apart. He's a busy guy and the one thing I am grateful for is that we are in the same profession so our schedules are very similar. When he has vacation time, I have vacation time. Only problem is that he often needs time to spend by himself because he enjoys solitude. I enjoy solitude but I'm willing to give that up to spend more time with my boyfriend.

    He's very stoic, so often he comes across as uncaring, or better yet indifferent, but I know that at his core he is a very sensitive and vulnerable guy. He's just been hurt before and so he comes across as having everything together.

    When we're together, I'm in heaven. The sex is great, our chemistry is totally in sync, etc., but when we're apart I always feel that distant thing going. I've gotten used to it since we've been dating for 15 months today icon_biggrin.gif but my hope is that someday we can spend more time with each other.
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    Dec 25, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    He doesn't see me as his boyfriend, yet.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 26, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    Oh great question, but I think the OP's answer is a cop out LOL. Of course it sucks you don't see him enough, But besides that what's your biggest complaint or turn off about HIM not his schedule? (But don get me wrong, I do feel bad for your situation it must be really hard for you both...but get to the juicy stuff)

    For me it is my boyfriend's classic car...I just don't care, at all about cars and he loves it and always wants to go for rides for fun. I just find it boring as hell. If it is day and there is pretty scenery I don't mind it, but in the winter it is already dark after work and the last thing I want to do after fighting rush hour to go see him is get in a car and go for a "joy ride"
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    Dec 26, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    You didn't say what you did, but in his defense working in the hospital is very very draining. You need some time to recover afterward.

    This does seem like problem that can be fixed though, he should have some say in his schedule but he probably likes the night shift differential..

    I dont' really know what my complaint about my bf is lol. He asked me the other day and I didn't have an answer. I'm a really laid back person and essentially as long as no one is going to die or be irreparably harmed from something.. I just let it happen. So, its hard to come up with things that bother me about him.

    (In my defense, i've shared all these things with him). I wish he would initiate things more. I like equality in a relationship and I'm not around to be the "man" and make tall the decisions. He would easily let me do that and we stall whenever I don't.

    Sometimes I think he has some immature views and he gets a very kid-like brand of upset if I disagree with him. I think its rooted in some of his insecurities about being intelligent. I am a person who argues from experience and tends to synthesize a lot, so I wouldn't really use someone elses argument or use their name to defend my point of view. He's very very book based and getting an original thought out of him is like pulling teeth.
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    Dec 26, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    rnch saidso, what's your bf beef?
    About 6.5" or so...perfect for those late-night after-party whore derv's. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 26, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    You mean apart from that he doesn't exist? Hmmm that's a toughie. lol
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    Dec 26, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    I think the title of the thread is misleading.

    You don't have a problem with your bf. You have a problem with the work schedules. If you make your relationship a priority, you solve the problem very easily. One of you could change his schedule somewhat or find another position. As to the "privacy" and not moving in together, it doesn't seem like privacy would be an issue if you did live together.

    I hope you can both work it out somehow. One of you will have to make a compromise. My bf and I had this same problem our first few years together. However, his schedule could not be changed. So, I was the one to have to make the compromise which I did, gladly. So can you. By the way, living together, we each still had our privacy when we needed it.

    As to the question in the title of your thread..... If I had a "biggest complaint/turn off/dissappointment about" my bf, I would NEVER be so disrespectful to him or our relationship to air it in a public setting. I will never speak ill of him in public... under any circumstances. Sorry. that was just the way I was raised. I love him and respect him too much for that.

    Good luck to you. I'm sure it is very frustrating for you. Relationships are about being together and interracting... Relationships are not about being apart.... Each individual must interpret what "being together" means to him. I hope you find your compromise and make it work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    The fact that he didn't wish me a merry christmas even though he's overseas with his family icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    That he's so hard to find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    That he's not with me yet and I really, really, really want him to be.