Not that you're supposed to care, but

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 12:18 AM GMT
    I don't post much but I just have to get some things off my chest and hear OTHER people for once. I've been dragging things on and on for so long and I need a real wakeup call. No one in real life would care enough to do that for me.

    So, I'm doing bad and bitter as hell. I have ruined my childhood and adolescence by being depressed and letting it get the best of me, stay home and get involved with the wrong people on the very rare ocassions I tried to make a progress.

    In a few weeks I'll be joining the army. The closer it gets the more stressed out I feel. I feel like my time is running out. I'm so unfriendly and so bitter right now and I should really open up and have fun before I go if I want to stay sane. I can't keep that "damn you've nothing in your life" baggage with me.

    I don't really want to talk about the actual serivce but I want to see what I can do to make my life feel worthwhile so I don't go completely bitter. I want to make friends and have fun in the time I have left. I've been planning to go to a gay club by myself and see how it goes. But it's the same thing every week... I end up not going at all. I don't want it to happen again this week but I don't trust myself on that. A psychologist isn't what I'm looking for either. I want something that's quick and helpful in getting more "experience". Help?
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    Jun 16, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    Well, at 18 you're just starting your life so I think it's being overly harsh on yourself to say you've never done anything in life. When you get to 40 and if you still feel that way, then you can be concerned.

    What it really sounds like is that you're insanely bored and ready for new scenery. While the military wouldn't be my first suggestion to accomplish that, it'll probably do the job.

    Good luck.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 16, 2008 1:12 AM GMT
    Dude, if you're battling depression than that's not really something you can just shake off. I know you're not looking for a psychiatrist, but you can't blame yourself for this. I really identify with a lot of what you're saying, but it's not just going to go away without help. I'm not big on drugs, but you might even benefit from an anti-depressant. You don't need to go through life in the pain and bitterness you're feeling.

    Thinking of you,

    Eric
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    Jun 16, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    EricLA saidDude, if you're battling depression than that's not really something you can just shake off. I know you're not looking for a psychiatrist, but you can't blame yourself for this. I really identify with a lot of what you're saying, but it's not just going to go away without help. I'm not big on drugs, but you might even benefit from an anti-depressant. You don't need to go through life in the pain and bitterness you're feeling.

    Thinking of you,

    Eric


    I couldn't agree more. You're only 18 and your attitude indicates far more than the bitterness one would associate with someone with far more loss over many years. It's obvious that you should really seek professional help. The armed forces is not the place to go with the attitude and mental state your in. You've got to deal with this first before your can even start to consider 'doing something with your life.' This will not simply go away.
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    Jun 16, 2008 1:59 AM GMT
    My initial thought was "and you are going into the military???"

    But who knows maybe the military will help you out.
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    Jun 16, 2008 2:09 AM GMT

    They want me too...in more ways than one.
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    Jun 16, 2008 2:13 AM GMT
    Well alrighty then. First off dude, if you are battling depression then joining the army should not be the place for you go (or any other military group) because it will add to your own depression and given the fact that you haven't handled it very well you might do alot more harm to yourself then good. I say this as a person who once served in the military and if you are having such problems dealing with depression now it will only get worse.

    That being said you are limiting yourself and others the possiblity of helping you when you make a comment like "I've been dragging things on and on for so long and I need a real wakeup call. No one in real life would care enough to do that for me."

    Sounds like you are looking for pity rather then help but if you want a wake up call from an anonymous individual online then you chose a good place. Let me be the first to help you. GET OVER IT. I don't know what your problem is or how it has effected you throughout the years of your youth but whatever it is you need to stop running from it and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get the hell over it. Problems do not solve themselves. If they did that would be the equivalency of heaven on earth since the world is very problomatic and needs some serious solving. If you need help then YOU need to make the effort to get some and stop looking for handouts and stop RSVPing pity parties. That's lame and tiring to watch.

    People aren't gonna help you if you aren't gonna make the effort to wanna help yourself and the military is definatley not looking for people with that kind mental drama and attitude since you probably wouldn't be able to do your job and would probably be a burden to them. Considering your situation you might get someone killed. Do you think you could handle that kind of pressure in your life when things already look so bleek for you? I'm gonna assume you are gay as well since you are here which would definately raise the bar in your depression if you joined with that kind of mental state.

    You need to do some serious soul searching and come to tems with whatever is going on in your life. man up and eal wiht your problem then hopefully you'll be able to "Be all you can be."

    Til then you need help and if you need a therapist to do it then I say go that extra mile and pay the price, buddy. They say the best advice is usually free so coming here might give you a kick in the pants.

    Work it, buddy. WORK....IT....OUT.

    There's your real wake up with a hard biscuit of truth. Goes down well with a cup of harsh reality.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 10:06 AM GMT
    athr, late teens are usually the worst times when it comes to depression, but it'll be over soon once those hormones settle in I think. Just don't let it take root and carry over to the rest of your life. Because you'll feel better soon enough. I've been there. icon_biggrin.gif

    Hopefully the military will be good for you. Though it wouldn't be exactly my first choice either, but it would certainly build your character.

    As for getting an 'experience'... I dunno. You're 18! icon_confused.gif 'sides, I can't help on that being inexperienced myself LOL.

    Good luck!
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 16, 2008 10:26 AM GMT
    I looked at your posts in other forum topics and I think you are bitter because you are gay. You joined the military to make yourself feel more masculine. You're afraid of doing "gay" things because it adds to your "gay" identity. You feel alone because you are deeply in the closet, even if you accepted the fact that you're gay.

    These fears of yours are driving your depression. It will get worse for you while you're in the Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell military unless you start finding comfort in you being gay. And it could be done while you're in the military, just not while on duty.

    Gay does not equate to feminine. There are many masculine gay folk around. I for one and as an army dude. You have to find friends, gay or not, that are just as comfortable with your gay masculinity as you could be with yourself. If this doesn't work, you will need to see a counselor to help you with your dilemma.

    Good Luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 10:57 AM GMT
    They actually don't allow people with mental disorders into the military. If you go to MEPS and are honest about your problems with depression, they'll weed you out as unfit.

    I'm thinkin' there are better ways to get your life back on track.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 16, 2008 4:13 PM GMT
    Aaron_Matthew said, "They actually don't allow people with mental disorders into the military. If you go to MEPS and are honest about your problems with depression, they'll weed you out as unfit. I'm thinkin' there are better ways to get your life back on track."

    That's not entirely true. For officer ranks, yes, but there are some forms of depression that does not medically disallow someone from joining as enlisted.
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    Jun 16, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    Thanks guys.

    I prefer not to be dependant on medication. As for therapy I don't think I have enough time to make it work and I couldn't even afford it anyway. I don't think (or I hope) that nothing but that could help. I think I've been letting myself be so dull for so long that I forgot what I'm really like. It's not hormones or anything... it's just some events, being gay and not being to cope with life in a good way and making everyone go away. Just stayed with that for way too long.

    I definitely thought about NOT going and considered the pros and cons. But I don't want it to be on the record that I didn't do it because of my mental state. That would be so bad for me in the long run. Try to get a decent job with that...

    The alternatives, I don't know. I don't think one trip to a gay club/bar would "cure" me but slowly building myself up could. I think I'll go with the club idea and just drink so much I barely notice I'm there. Not excited about it but I don't know what I can do.


    Guy101, I don't even know how to reply to that. Some parts are so damn nasty and some are actually decent. It's lame and tiring to watch online pity parties yet you actually give some advice. This is anything but me throwing a pity party. The internet is just really the last resort as I see it.

    coolarmydude, I didn't volunteer. I'm not trying to prove anything. You did get it right though that I'm not totally happy with being gay but I've accepted it. Still don't feel free enough to be seen on a gay club but free enough to want other gay people there.
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    Jun 16, 2008 7:45 PM GMT
    I think it's absolutely fabulous that you're going into the Army!

    I'm a retired soldier. Permit me to give you some advice about becoming a soldier, it boils down to Stifle Your Ego. When you become a soldier, you become a defender of our civilization, allow it to consume you. You aren't just anyone, you're a soldier.
    You will get into excellent shape and face extraordinary challenges. When you're a soldier, it isn't about you anymore, it's about our country, our civilization, your Army, your Division, your Battalion, your Company and your Platoon. You are one of thousands working together to protect our civilization. Great sacrifices are demanded of you but if you subordinate your ego for the mission, you will do well and be greatly rewarded.

    Be a good soldier, you won't regret it.

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    Jun 16, 2008 8:04 PM GMT
    It is your life so the best of luck to you, but depression and bitterness at such a young age are not good mental states to have.

    If the army does not help you turn things around then swallow your pride and get professional help. A mental health professional that is good at their job will provide you with coping techniques, ways at looking at your problems that you may not have thought of, and perhaps prescriptions that could correct some chemical imbalances in the brain.

    I think the most important though is to make sure you are joining the military for the right reasons. As John43620 stated above, your ego and individuality will need to play second fiddle to other priorities. The country, military tradition, your unit, your fellow soldiers and their well being. If you find that your mental state is affecting your ability to be a good soldier then seek help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 8:13 PM GMT
    You're scared/anxious because of change, however embrace it! You're 18, go see the world on the Army's dime, explore yourself. TRUST me when I say your bitterness will eventually go away ESPECIALLY since you are acknowledging it, however do not shut down new experiences or people because of the past; allow this opportunity to breath new life in to your soul! Maybe a "shrink" isn't what you want/need; however you will need some sort of support, for example I opted for a Life Coach and it was more direct/in your face, no pussy footing around and THAT helped me tremendously! So take a deep breath and jump and ENJOY!!! It DOES get WAY better!!
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 17, 2008 3:53 AM GMT
    athr said, "coolarmydude, I didn't volunteer. I'm not trying to prove anything. You did get it right though that I'm not totally happy with being gay but I've accepted it. Still don't feel free enough to be seen on a gay club but free enough to want other gay people there."



    I didn't say ANYTHING about gay clubs. Now do you see how you're viewing things? You only see these clubs as the only gay happening, much to your dismay. And volunteer for what? The draft is not in effect. What are we missing here? And yes, you've accepted being gay, but you're not comfortable with it. Some of your comments suggest suicidal tendencies. You really need to seek counseling. Getting advice online is not sufficient for your needs.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 17, 2008 3:56 AM GMT
    John43620 said, "I think it's absolutely fabulous that you're going into the Army!
    I'm a retired soldier. Permit me to give you some advice about becoming a soldier, it boils down to Stifle Your Ego. When you become a soldier, you become a defender of our civilization, allow it to consume you. You aren't just anyone, you're a soldier.
    You will get into excellent shape and face extraordinary challenges. When you're a soldier, it isn't about you anymore, it's about our country, our civilization, your Army, your Division, your Battalion, your Company and your Platoon. You are one of thousands working together to protect our civilization. Great sacrifices are demanded of you but if you subordinate your ego for the mission, you will do well and be greatly rewarded.
    Be a good soldier, you won't regret it."


    John, if there is a post you need to refrain from, it's this one. This kid is confused as all hell and you want to pump up some rhetorical jingoism because that's all you know. This kid's looking for advice on life, not on Soldiering.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    coolarmydude, He knows what he's doing and he's making a great life choice. Why did you become a soldier?

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    Jul 14, 2008 9:19 AM GMT
    [quote]That's not entirely true. For officer ranks, yes, but there are some forms of depression that does not medically disallow someone from joining as enlisted.[/quote]

    That's kinda interesting. I know of a girl who was trying to join the military and failed the medical exam because she had an antidepressant in her drug history.