does anybody value friendship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2011 9:40 AM GMT
    This past three months have been particularly difficult. I've been in love rehab, recovering from the shortest, intense and most abusive LTR; which contributed to 2011 being the most sorrowful year of my entire life.

    Onward and upward, friends are supposed to be there for you, and many have been, and thanks to their immense efforts to smother me in love I have made a full recovery. However, I have a serious issue with many of my gay male and bi friends wanting more. It's been almost the same scenario.

    You hang out, you smile, you laugh, you share good times and make memories, completely platonic - you understand. But then they muse more... and suddenly, those memory making moments feel tainted when their objective and perhaps hidden agenda comes to light.

    Incredibly sweet, one might think, but always a shock when someone confesses a fantasy, or surprises you with a passionate and intense kiss out of the nowhere. I wouldn't think anything of it if it were just one or two, but I am talking about several handfuls of people. Perhaps it's just the Christmas season, I hear it's the most depressing time when suicides are high.

    Everyone has their scars but is there no such thing as romance anymore? DId they try it once and let it die with their past? Have I missed the memo for modern living? I'm feeling kind of strange.

    Looking at the hopeful horizon. 2012 is destined to be immensely inspiring, by comparison, boundless opportunities, possibilities and complete reinvention. When everything is broken there's a piece I'll never use.
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    Dec 27, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    I'm lucky that I don't have that probem but yeah I know what you mean. Seems to me that some gay guys have that problem with their friends. I can't do that. If you're my friend I might flirt with harmlessly but nothing more.
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    Dec 27, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    For me it was the "straight" married guy, but I can relate, yup. However there are decent people out there.
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    Dec 27, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    Yeah, that sucks. People often take your actions the wrong way, purposely or not.
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    Dec 27, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Yeah... majority of my gay friends have attempted to do something with me. It's annoying I don't like when people do that.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 27, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    I've for sure experienced that in the past, guys I thought wanted to be my friend later coming on to me after we went out for drinks or something like that.

    But at the same time I also have several really good gay friends that have never hit on me and I've never hit on them. It helps if you know you're not their type LOL, but I do have a good friend that I would say I am his "type" based on the guys he dates, but we've never had anything romantic or sexual between us. Just good friends who like to work, go to the beach and clubs together.
  • lykewise

    Posts: 30

    Dec 27, 2011 6:55 PM GMT
    You COULD feel flattered, because that means you have qualities they look for in partners...
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    Dec 27, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    lykewise saidYou COULD feel flattered, because that means you have qualities they look for in partners...


    yea but that gets annoying when you feel like a majority of your 'friends' want to be more than friendly.
    Clearly I have a similar issues
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    What you describe seems to be common. It hasn't happened to me a lot but every guy my best friend hangs out with seems to fall in love with him. I think it just means you've got charm. Just be thankful you're good enough to attract all these men and politely tell them this is not what you're looking for with them.

    Glad you're hopeful about 2012. Romance still exists, it depends on your own idea of what romance is because everyone's idea of romance is different. I just hope your idea of romance is not based on Disney movies because you may find romance in real life quite disappointing. icon_smile.gif

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    Dec 28, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    Yes. But I mean sometimes I can be heartless. Haha.

    As for friends making passes at you. I always, always, ALWAYS set the rules and boundaries and I tell em what happens if they cross em. What's happened to you with your friends has only ever happened to me one before. Most awkward horrible feeling you get when someone you care for as a friend, just a friend, tries to take it elsewhere.

    It ruined our friendship. :/
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Dec 28, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    That's always been a reason I found myself getting along much better with straight friends (and if I end up crushing a bit on them, I can be content in knowing and accepting that it is what it is).

    Had a lot of casual friends who were gay when I was closeted, friends of friends who I got along with, but didn't like enough to become real close with. After they found out I liked cock, major change it attitude by them. They went from trying to "act straight" around me to relentless, shameless flirting.

    A truly good friend doesn't let sexual attraction compromise a friendship. If your "friends" continue doing that to you, I'd suggest seeking out people you might be more compatible with.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Dec 28, 2011 6:54 AM GMT
    The friends who rush in when you are going through a breakup but who were not around so much when you were in a relationship might be looking for what some of my straight friends call "fall out pussy" (i.e. they suddenly become very supportive of a female friend going through a breakup hoping to be there when the woman needs "comforting") It is unsavory behavior, but hardly unique to gay men.