Merry Christmas Dad, I'm Gay!!!

  • Gunner0228

    Posts: 4

    Dec 28, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    Well that didnt go as planned, but I am happy its done and behind me.
    I was almost completely "Out" a lot of my friends knew and some of my family knew. Telling my Dad was the last hurdle to jump to being a openly gay man. I wanted to tell him not only for me, but I wanted him to hear it from me and not anyone else. I had also reached a point that I was tired of living in fear.
    My Dad decided that he was going to donate a kidney to a friend, so I took a week off from work to take care of my Dad and help him recover, from a surgery.
    A plan unveiled itself
    I saw a opportunity of having my Dad rely on me, and during this trip I would tell him I am gay. My plan was to show my Dad all the good I can do, taking care of him, my brothers, his business, talk to him about my business, things I have learned in school, and show him how hardworking and dedicated I am.
    For some reason, that is still unknown to me there has always been a gap between my Dad and I. I needed to prove to him I am a person who has their priorities straight, the good person I really am.
    Mind you, I hadn't lived at his house since I was 13. I lived with my maternal grandparents.
    Well due to some complications the doctors postponed the surgery and since I had already taken off from work and it was near the holidays I went ahead and went home to visit friends and family. I also brought my dogs along with me cause I knew I would be gone for a week, and I knew they would go crazy without me.
    SN: I only go home to visit family once or twice a year.
    You might ask yourself (Gunner, what about your plan?)
    Hold on ill get to it.

    I arrived at the town I grew up in and I knew I was staying at my old house so I unpacked all my stuff there and started my rounds in visiting family.
    I arrived at my Dads house and I was greeted at the door by my little brothers (13,11, and 9 years old) and since I hadn't been home in over a year, they immediately jumped on me knocking me to the floor, hugging me and telling me how much they miss me. One of the best feeling in the world.
    After the excitement passes, I got up and walked into the kitchen and saw my Dad there cooking supper. I walked over to him and gave him a friendly hug and said "Hi Dad", and he said "Have you eaten?" I told him yes and I proceed to the living room where my little brothers were at, and a few mins later my sister walks into the living room from her room and we started chatting about her recent trip to Europe.
    After playing video games with my brothers and talking to them about school and talking to my Dad about the surgery he was suppose to have and how everything was going along with him. It was getting late and I had a strange feeling come over me that said 'tell him now, or you wont on this trip" so I asked my Dad to walk into the garage I wanted to talk to him about something. he followed me into garage. I didn't want to say anything in front of my brothers just in case my Dads anger showed up and I didn't want any of my brothers upset.
    I told my Dad... "I have something very important I have wanted to tell you for a long time and I don't know how you are going to react to what I am about to tell you, I hope you will still love me and see that I am still your son, but Dad I am Gay"
    He stopped and looked at me and said "I know the relationship between you and I have never been the best, but do you know what Gay is?"
    I replied "Yes Dad, I know what Gay is"
    and out of curiosity I said "What do you think being gay is?"
    He replied, 'Being gay means when a man is attracted to another man and woman is attracted to a woman"
    I said "yes that is right."
    then he said "those people who are gay have a disease in their brain, and you do too"
    I knew it has taken a turned for the worst.
    He then said "Being gay is wrong, the bible says so, and this country is the worst for allowing gay people to live here."
    I said "Ok, that is your opinion"
    He then said "If i ran this country all gay people would be shipped out and the ones who refuse would be shot and killed"
    He then proceeded to walk inside.
    I started to get angry but kept my tone down cause I didn't want my brothers worried or upset and asked him "so you would want me dead?"
    He turned around pointed his finger at me and said "You are not my Son and I would kill you personally. Get your shit and get out of my house."
    Wanting to walk up to him and knock his head off his shoulders, I walked inside, eyes glassed over and grabbed my jacket and leashed my dogs and my little brothers looked at me and asked if I was leaving. I said yes. they all came up and hugged me, and then they asked when will be the next time they saw me. I told them I didn't know.
    As I was hugging my brothers my dad walks to the front door and said I told you to get out. Now he has pissed me off, cause I was trying to tell my little brothers goodbye. I turned to my brothers and said "The reason why I don't know when I will see you next is because I am gay and Dad doesn't approve, and he says I am not his son anymore".
    I couldn't bare seeing my little brothers starting to tear up, so I walked to the door about to step out and my oldest brother ran up to me hugged me and said I Love you no matter what.
    Hopefully, my father will come around and understand that I am still his son, see what a life I have made for myself, and the good person I really am.

    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    Speechless.

    All my best to you.
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    Dec 28, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    Wow that's a heart-wrenching story. I hope in time he will come to accept you.
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    Dec 28, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    U kick ass! best wishes for u this holiday.
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    Dec 28, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    icon_cry.gif

    Sorry that it turned out so bad, but it seems like you handled things pretty well. Give him some time and maybe he will turn around. Best of luck.
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    Dec 28, 2011 3:49 PM GMT
    That is commendable and brave. So sorry that turned out that way. Hoping your father will come around. Take care.
  • bonedome

    Posts: 3

    Dec 28, 2011 3:53 PM GMT

    you, OBVIOUSLY, are an awesome guy. your dad ... sounds like he needs some help.
    i am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that, and i am hoping that somehow it will make you an even stronger, better person. i understand how important family is, or can be. it sounds like you have some awesome brothers and sister(s) - i hope your father can't get between ya'll.
    rock on man.
    peace and best wishes
    s
  • Armedion

    Posts: 2

    Dec 28, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    It's very sad and I hope you'll know better days very soon. Take care.
  • rioriz

    Posts: 1056

    Dec 28, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Wow, that was a very brave thing to do. I am so fortunate all my mom wanted to do was send me to a Christian camp. It really breaks my heart to hear stories like yours but I can tell you are a strong man and I hope things get better over time between you and your father.
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:02 PM GMT

    You're brave, and you handled the confrontation with maturity and confidence. I wish I had a little of that when I was your age. I hope your dad comes around but, if he doesn't, know that you are a better man than he is.

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    Dec 28, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    What a horrible story.. Im so sorry about this :/
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 28, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    It's so hard to believe that any parent could be so cold and dismissive toward their own kid as your dad was. I know they exist out there, but hearing these sort of stories is always disappointing. I hope your dad will come around. Perhaps he just needs some time.
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    Im so glad u had the courage to do this. Your strength is enviable. Good luck to you!
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    WOW! And my admiration for your courage and strength couldn't be greater. Let me know if you ever need any help or advice, insofar as I can offer it.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 28, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    you must get your calm & classy doner DNA from your mother's side of the family line....obviously not from your father's icon_exclaim.gif
  • Havenjock80

    Posts: 428

    Dec 28, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    You should have told him that he made you and gave you this disease. He should grab a gun himself and blow his brains out for carrying this gay gene. You should have told him that he ruined your life and made you gay and then he would have the perfect reaction but that would be fighting evil with evil. The burden is his not yours. Let him live with his decision, you have done your part.
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    Wow..I didn't expect that. While I have been out to my brothers and most of my friends, and to anyone new I've met, I have not worked up the courage to tell my parents. I don't think my dad would react that way. I hope not.

    My fear comes from them building up these expectations of me, and I don't want to break their heart. I realize that being gay should not break their heart, but that is how I feel.

    I don't know if you thought that it could go that way, but I admire your courage! Wishing you the best during this time.

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    Dec 28, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    Christianity is such a pile of shit. Sorry u had to go thru that
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    You appeared to handle this as well as possible. My condolences on having such an up-tight father. Told my family/parent's nearly 40 years ago when things were not nearly as openly discussed. Went thru the common reaction of disappointment, offers to pay for therapy, and eventually full acceptance of me and when I was fortunate to have one my partner. Time and your other family members may help a little in bringing acceptance but in the meantime realize you have done the best thing for your own mental health.

    The parallel thread I noticed this morning "Being Gay is a Gift from God" with an excerpt from Oprah might help you in your process. Good luck.
  • Gunner0228

    Posts: 4

    Dec 28, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    Thank you everyone, I appreciate it.

    For those who haven't told their parents, I hope this hasn't discourage you. You will know when the time is right.
  • timcity2000

    Posts: 50

    Dec 28, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    holy cow... i don't even know what to say.
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    Dec 28, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    Gunner0228 saidThank you everyone, I appreciate it.

    For those who haven't told their parents, I hope this hasn't discourage you. You will know when the time is right.

    You can't imagine how much this distresses and upsets me. I hope you're in an independent position where this won't hurt you in practical terms.

    Your best revenge, if you seek it, is to have great success in life, that shames your father compared to what he had done himself. And to provide your siblings with things that he cannot. They should not suffer over this, especially since they seemed sympathetic to you.
  • Havenjock80

    Posts: 428

    Dec 28, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidChristianity is such a pile of shit. Sorry u had to go thru that


    Unfornately, Christianity has killed Millions of people in the name of God.

    -Where was Christianity during the holocaust?
    http://www.nobeliefs.com/nazis.htm

    -Where was Christianity when slavery and hangings were rampant in America?

    Religion and sick followers are the cause for the majority of the terrible killings in the world.



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    Dec 28, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    I'm sorry Gunner. Perhaps over time, these wounds will heal. Best wishes..
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Dec 28, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    Wow, that's really brave of you and I admire your courage. I'm sorry to hear about your dad's reaction but hopefully he'll come to realise what a wonderful and amazing guy u are.

    I'm not out to my parents (just don't have a good relationship w them) but my brother knows that I'm gay and he's alright with it. Since u have the same support from your siblings, hopefully it'll make u feel that you're surrounded by love because that's what I feel from my brother.

    I hope your story will bring courage to others though the outcome may not have been ideal. But the act of your brother showing his unconditional love towards you is the real story here. icon_smile.gif