My Gympartner is gay, what shall I do?

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 16, 2008 7:38 PM GMT
    2 Weeks ago, I was getting tired of always having to go to the gym alone and kicking my ass to do so. So I took a step and asked a guy who trains mostly when I do if he would be interested in training together. Since then we have been training together daily and last week he told me he was Gay and suggested on the same day to have a drink sometime or going out. I then asked him jokelike if he is asking me out on a date. His response seemed postive. He didnt exactly say "Yes".

    The problem comes in not ruining it, since there is something special about that guy. I wanted to take him on that offer this weekend, but the only real day where he can do something is Sunday, and there I am mostly destroyed from the night before. So now I was thinking about asking him, if he wants to come after training for a drink to my House. We both only live 5 minutes away from the Gym.

    I am afraid to ask, that can also backfire. I am not sure what do, I want to be friends with him, but on the other side I want to discover if that could be something more.
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    Jun 16, 2008 7:59 PM GMT
    Uh, what exactly are you "destroyed" from doing on Saturday night??? Is it something you can change for one day/night to get to go out with him?

    I'd say the first drink/date/meal should be outside of either of your's places. If you really think he could be something more than just a friend/workout partner, then go to a neutral place where there's no pretense for anything more than a shared meal/drink.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 16, 2008 8:09 PM GMT
    MuscleBudSea saidUh, what exactly are you "destroyed" from doing on Saturday night??? Is it something you can change for one day/night to get to go out with him?


    You are right. Of course I could just skip Saturday night so I am fit on Sunday, but to be honest thats not gonna happen in the next time since I am having fun for once in this country. Might be difficult for you to understand how I can prioritize it this way, but I have my reasons.
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    Jun 16, 2008 8:25 PM GMT
    That's totally fine if you have your reasons, and I'm not saying don't go out for some drinks or whatever, but this isn't all about you and you don't HAVE to get wasted. If you really want to do something with him and he's telling you that Sunday is is only free day, then make a compromise and be willing to drink less, or whatever so you can do something with him when he's offering his time to you.

    I only say this because from my own perspective, my free time during the week is usually very limited, so it's difficult to fit in anything other than my daily routine and weekends end up being my best time to do anything social with anyone. You can ask to do something during the week, but don't be put off if he can't during the week and really only had time on Sunday.

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 16, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    MuscleBudSea saidThat's totally fine if you have your reasons, and I'm not saying don't go out for some drinks or whatever, but this isn't all about you and you don't HAVE to get wasted. If you really want to do something with him and he's telling you that Sunday is is only free day, then make a compromise and be willing to drink less, or whatever so you can do something with him when he's offering his time to you.

    I only say this because from my own perspective, my free time during the week is usually very limited, so it's difficult to fit in anything other than my daily routine and weekends end up being my best time to do anything social with anyone. You can ask to do something during the week, but don't be put off if he can't during the week and really only had time on Sunday.



    I hear ya. I just wondered if just having a friendly drink after training would be a bad alternative. I definatly dont plan on hitting on him while we do that.

    If he says no, then I dont have another choice anyway or already screwed it up.
  • dcarm

    Posts: 291

    Jun 17, 2008 2:27 AM GMT
    ask if he wants to go out for coffee or dinner or something after training, rather than back to your place. You might not be planning on hitting on him, but if you're thinking of this as some sort of date, neutral ground is the place to start.

    If that doesn't work, tone down your Saturday, or perhaps say you'd love to but can't this Sunday, how would he be for next weekend?
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:43 AM GMT
    Well this sounds pretty easy to figure out. You've developed a simple and easy-going relationship with a fellow gay male who happens to be your workout buddy. No prob there.

    He intiated the possiblity of making it more then what it already is by asking you to hangout and have a few drinks sometime. That's not necessarily a date but merely an opportunity for you to get to know him better outside of the gym with the possibilitiy of something more then just a friendship to develop. The ball is in your court and should you pursue this course of action just be chill about and see where it leads. I'm gonna assume youare bright person and can figure out when someone is hitting on you and when someone is just being friendly and nice.

    Either way I would take him up on his offer and from there see what happens since it's just a drink. It's not like he asked if he could have his way with you in the locker room showers. LOL.
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    No guts... no glory
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    Jun 17, 2008 2:56 AM GMT
    What shall you do? Him... or one of his friends.
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    Jun 17, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    You dont really want to go out with this guy. It would prolly be best if you cooled it and and waited for truly convenient time.
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    Jun 17, 2008 3:16 AM GMT
    Caslon4000 saidYou dont really want to go out with this guy. It would prolly be best if you cooled it and and waited for truly convenient time.

    Or, you're just being a wimp. Sort of just kidding.

    Ask him to lunch on Sunday. Lunch, my good friend says, is non-commital and doesn't necessitate a kiss on the front porch. If you hit it off, there's always dinner and drinks. If you don't, you haven't done irreparable harm to the workout relationship.
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    Jun 17, 2008 3:30 AM GMT
    ruck_us said[quote][cite]Caslon4000 said[/cite]You dont really want to go out with this guy. It would prolly be best if you cooled it and and waited for truly convenient time.

    Or, you're just being a wimp. Sort of just kidding.[/quote]

    Naw...if he really wanted to go out with this guy, he wouldnt have all this drama.
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:00 AM GMT
    Caslon4000 said

    Naw...if he really wanted to go out with this guy, he wouldnt have all this drama.

    Yeah, maybe. I'm just one of those annoying pseudo-optimists.
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    Exactly. If you want to know this person then you'll make the effort to do so and if that means not going out and getting trashed the night before (will power and self control) then do it.
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:06 AM GMT
    Go to Starbuck's or similar and not your home and have a chat!
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:43 AM GMT
    Why do gay men behave like this? Someone shows an interest in you outside of a club or bar when you are sober and has got to know you a bit and so you decide to start playing avoidance games.

    There will be plenty of other Saturdays.

    Like some of the other guys say maybe you're just not that into him.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 17, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    okay, it was obviously dumb to tell that about saturday. I am in not such a lost cause as most seem to think. I just have a rough time behind me and it seems like things finally change since I meet on Saturdays with some new friends. Thats it. I like that Guy and you are all right that I should just make the effort and take him on on the offer as he said. For me such meetings feel always a bit aquward and strange since you are forced to talk about something. I thought that I could create a more loose area at my own home.

    I have to admit that my Social skills are terrible. I cant be sure if I read the signs right.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Jun 17, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    Don't get so drunk on Saturday night that you will look like a fool on Sunday.

    If you know you're going to meet w/ him on Sunday, be smart (that may take some effort on your part) and lay off the partying for one night. You're not going to miss a thing.

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 17, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    SoDakGuy saidDon't get so drunk on Saturday night that you will look like a fool on Sunday.

    If you know you're going to meet w/ him on Sunday, be smart (that may take some effort on your part) and lay off the partying for one night. You're not going to miss a thing.



    Your absolutely right with that man. I will try what all of you said and go on a normal drink with him somewhere. After gym is impossible since we live in a little town outside the city and there is nothing to go to.