Help me out with this...

  • Weston1987

    Posts: 6

    Dec 29, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    Yes, I am sure this has been posted before, but clearly I don't intend on searching for it... icon_biggrin.gif

    So, I have been seeing a really cool guy now for about three weeks. Things are going quite good and in the past I've had no problem asking (or being asked) to be "officially together". I have asked him about it but he blatantly said he wasn't "looking for anything serious at the moment" though he would be open to the possibility - if the situation arose.
    We hang out daily, sleep together nightly, and have GREAT sex typically twice a day. We get along great, there is really good chemistry between us (I think) and we are also engineering students intending on moving to Germany after graduation for work...
    My questions are: Has anyone had a similar experience, or are you in one now? Should I just wait it out until he asked to be more serious? Otherwise, how long do you wait this out until I actually pursue other guys who are looking for something more serious?

    Thanks!
  • yjw22

    Posts: 6

    Dec 29, 2011 11:44 AM GMT
    there is no problem between you two.Just enjoy what you have now.Don't worry too much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2011 2:41 PM GMT

    "I have asked him about it but he blatantly said he wasn't "looking for anything serious at the moment" though he would be open to the possibility - if the situation arose."

    Hmm....

    ..so you asked him to be 'officially together' with you and he said he wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment but would be open to the possibility if the situation arose?

    Because I think you asking IS the situation that arose. What situation is he referring to?

    curious and intrigued,

    -Doug
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 29, 2011 2:50 PM GMT
    Have you asked him to be " officially serious" with you? This is the only way to know.....instead of discussing the topic of " would he consider being officially serious with someone"....just ask...his response should tell you all you need to know. icon_wink.gif
  • lykewise

    Posts: 30

    Dec 29, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    I think it totally depends on the entire situation. I mean if you two only have sex everytime you see eachother, that's great, but is that the solid foundation of your relationship with him?

    Have a good overview and think about things you would do with an official partner. Spend some more time with him doing stuff you would normally do. I mean the attraction is already there. Now the more emotional caring stuff...

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    While I'm not saying that you are projecting your happiness onto the relationship, it's certainly a possibility based on your statements and his responses.

    I do want to point out an observation of mine based on my own past relationships and the observation of others. Often, one person in the relationship (it doesn't matter which one) will perceive the exact same words and events in a completely different perspective than the other. This is common. The important point, though, is that both of them fail to see that this is the case. Everyone has different past experiences that can often have profound and seemingly cryptic results to their daily decision making process.
    You can take 5 adults who were abused as children and each of them may have developed widely different defense mechanisms and survival techniques for daily living even though they are long past the abuse. (I only use abuse as an example since it tends to manifest itself in obvious or extreme ways.

    Consider these possibilities:
    He may be waiting to find out if he trusts you enough to commit.
    He may be afraid of commitment because of being badly burnt in the past.
    He may be biding time just waiting for someone better to come along (in his eyes - I'm not casting aspersions on you.)
    He may think you only want him for sex.
    He may simply enjoy the sex but doesn't want to give it up so he strings you along with the carrot of "...if the situation arose."

    I'm not saying that these are true, but any one of these or other could be.

    I'd suggest some dates where there is no sex and see how well you get along in interests and conversation. Be clear up front that there'll be no sex later. If you don't get a good idea of where he stands after you make that suggestion, then you'll definitely have a better idea if he goes along with it (and you still DONT have sex, otherwise it doesn't count)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    1. Ditch the painful to read blue text.

    2. You are getting regular ficktime with a guy whose company you enjoy. Don't analyze it to death.

    3. Deutschland ist erstaunlich.