do your parents try to find out your personal financial information?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 29, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
    during the fam-dam-ily's Christmas celebration; my mother was trying hard to get me to reveal the dollar amounts of: my salary, my house payment, my property tax amount, my car insurance amount, my car payment amount, how much i owe on credit cards, my average monthly checking account balance.......

    (i should say that i have been away from home for decades and haven't borrowed any money from my mother (or my dad, when he was alive) since i was in college.)

    i took personal offense to this financial prying. would you?

    finally, after a couple of hours of her off and on invasive verbal bombarding, i calmly and politely said "mom, unless you plan on paying my monthly bills i just can't see how this is any of your concern". (if she and my father hadn't "raise me right", i wudda said: "woman, it's NONE of your GD business!)

    then she got this hurt look on her face and said "but i'm your mother! you can tell me ANYTHING!"

    my reply was: "yes, anything that i CHOOSE to tell you."

    the other 3 kids, all younger than me, still spill their guts out to her about stuff that is wayyyyyyy none of her business, IMO.

    wadduathunk icon_question.gif
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    Dec 29, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    Sounds like she is used to having her kids tell her everything, thankfully my parents don't/know they can't pry into most of my business icon_biggrin.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 29, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    Claystation saidSounds like she is used to having her kids tell her everything, thankfully my parents don't/know they can't pry into most of my business icon_biggrin.gif


    yeh, sometimes i cannot believe the deeply personal stuff the other adult kids still confide in this sheltered, almost 80 year old woman. ('course they "borrow" money from her wayyyyy too often)

    i've alwaysbeen a "private person" and kept my life "close to my vest". even as a school boy i was very carefull of what i told my parents about my away-from-home events and who i brought home for them to meet (and criticize after they left). you would think after all these years she would know better!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 29, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    No, my mom never asks...but then again I have no secrets from her also. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 29, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    My mother is Jewish.

    She is a professional level manipulator and will acquire information she wants by any means necessary.

    Approach with extreme caution.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 29, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    Haaretz saidMy mother is Jewish.

    She is a professional level manipulator and will acquire information she wants by any means necessary.

    Approach with extreme caution.




    mine is german-russian.

    just as potent as yours. my father dryly referred to her as "the velvet hammer".



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    Dec 30, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    My Mom is my "Accounts Receivable" department. She knows to the dime how much I gross.
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    Dec 30, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    I've heard of cases where parents are making up their will and have decided to leave different amounts to the children based on need. Most people I have heard weigh in on this consider it undesirable in most cases, that all should be left equally.
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    Dec 30, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    Regarding the comment above - - - I was just thinking that myself, after reading each post. I wonder if your mother is being pressured by other siblings (the very siblings who borrow from her) to leave them a different amount in her trust or will than you? I've seen this done by unscrupulous siblings. They claim life isn't fair - - - brother number 1 (you) makes so much money - that Mom needs to make amends and leave him less. I hope this isn't the case there.
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    Dec 30, 2011 8:55 AM GMT
    yes they do
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 30, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidRegarding the comment above - - - I was just thinking that myself, after reading each post. I wonder if your mother is being pressured by other siblings (the very siblings who borrow from her) to leave them a different amount in her trust or will than you? I've seen this done by unscrupulous siblings. They claim life isn't fair - - - brother number 1 (you) makes so much money - that Mom needs to make amends and leave him less. I hope this isn't the case there.



    oh yes! the bottom two ankle biters are always pressuring her to "change her will around to benefit us who need the inheritance more". (NOT going to happen.....)

    as a career federal civil service employee my every other monday direct bank deposit is not THAT much in it's actual hard dollar amount; i just am a much better money manager than they are.

    "you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose.....but you can't pickyour family".



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    Dec 30, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    No , my dad never ask .....He is the most laid back bloke i have ever met !!!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 30, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    While this statement comes from religious text on forgiveness the concept and logic must be thought through.
    The oversimplified (when taken literally and/or out of context) message is "Turn [or offer] the other cheek." It doesn't say "allow them to beat you to death."

    My feeling is give the benefit of the doubt. If that submission leads to further taking advantage of you then my statement is always, I gave you the opportunity to do the right thing and you chose not to. Now, here are the consequences, in stone that you must now live with.

    Some have apologized genuinely and others haven't. Those that have remain in my good graces (limited though they may be) but those who have not, will not get so much as a deathbed absolution from me.

    As I've said previously, I believe that the Hammurabi code would leave everyone blind. So I try to do better to others than they have done to me. But malicious action, self serving action that causes more harm to others than the pleasure it provides the instigator deserves action on my part that will defend myself, and if possible others as well.
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    Dec 30, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    My mom is always doing the same thing and I'm always telling her not to meddle in my financial life. The hard part is that I still live in her house (hopefully that will change in two months; I hope my dream house can wait that long).
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    Dec 30, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    No, but my parents know it's a lot more then them, and all my brothers. I guess there's no need to ask.
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    Dec 31, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    Abso-fucking-lutly

    But then my farther is the kind of person that would go through someone's medicine cabinet at a dinner party or open their bills if he was house-sitting....

    You don't leave bills around
    You don't bring a receipt home from the grocery store
    You ask the store to snip off the label's before you leave
    You NEVER leave your email open
    Relatives slip you envelopes under the table at Christmas


    It's completely unnerving. But you get used to it
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    Dec 31, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    I pay my own bills but my parents know just about everything that I spend my money on. They don't ask but I always end up telling them my financial details to the last dollar. It is just a habit and I like to share it to be honest.