How you go about meeting guys ...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 7:02 AM GMT
    Ok, I'll be the 4th-grader and ask the question like a little school girl: How do you go about finding a guy? (No, this is not an SAT question with a verifiable answer and A-E choices to narrow down. Only an opinion).

    This is not for the hookup du jour, or drinking buddy, or whatever. Relationships, dating, someone to go to a movie with, what have you. Have you used Match, gay.com, bars whatever?

    Honestly, I've reached a rut: I don't like meeting guys in bars, but I'm in Cincinnati which, while it has a bunch of people, has limited gay venues to meet folks (granted, I know you could say this about nearly every city in the country save a handful, but I digress). So I go out, have tried match, have tried a few other websites, friends, etc. ... and nothing. I end up at night with my copy of Men's Health, DVD of Anchorman and images of Sponge Bob to lull myself to sleep.

    Ok, I'm not that lame. Well, yes, I am. But I'm damn proud of it: Patrick the Starfish rules!

    Anyhow, tips on how you did it/do it/would do it/thought about it/would if you had seven arms?

    Much appreciated.

    -SB
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:30 PM GMT
    I've heard of people joining match.com and finding a guy. I think it's okay, but you have to use it properly.

    For me, while up close and in person I can feel if his arm is warm, if his breath smells like alcohol or smoke, if his skin is smooth or hairy.

    Then, you know, there's that odor...hard to pick up if it's masked by gallons of cologne, though...that tells me I could even breathe underwater if I had my nose planted firmly against his neck. When I smell it, I'm toast.

    It has to be close physical contact.

    So, make an effort to meet as many of the guys with whom you've begun corresponding for casual dates. And be casual, like a daytime lunch. Be sure you can be close to him during this encounter, without being too creepy.

    At a bar, find an excuse to be close to someone. I will buy a drink if it will get him to stand still. "What're you having? Water, Long Island Iced Tea? Corona? Let me get you one..."

    You're cute and tall, with nice abs. This will take you mere minutes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    LatinoStallion saidI personally go around sticking my finger in people's bootyholes


    If they light up, then I know they are destined for me icon_smile.gif


    LatinoStallion...did we meet at Alegria in January of 2007? Someone stuck their finger up my hole while dancing. Hmmmm!?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:48 PM GMT
    I'd start out with the local websites, whichever works for your area (Manhunt, Gay.com, m2m, etc.). Check to see if there's local community center or organizations around town that you might go to an event or two to see what prospects might be there. I know the feeling about not liking to meet people at bars, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and keep trying.

    In the end, just socialize and network around town. Make friends and see if they can help you find someone. I agree that you should definitely keep things casual in the beginning! Just see what's what and what's going on around town.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    I forgot about the initial question. Are you talking about meeting men for dating or just in general? I've found friends while out at bars, volunteering for gay events such as Folsom Street Fair's Magnitude party, and through other friends. To give you a broad answer I'd say you just have to get out and just enjoy life as you always have. It's when you least expect it that you find someone.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Jun 17, 2008 6:04 PM GMT
    I know you guys have a gay softball team with attractive men on it, and who plays against attractive men. How about that?
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jun 17, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    I guys at the bar, birthday parties, gay.com (my boyfriend for example) and of course, the fun sites for when I wasn't serious (m4m and manhunt).

    Now that part is over, I want you to run to your mirror, look yourself in the eye and say, "I deserve a good relationship". Repeat it until you mean it.

    I bring this up because, though you meant it as a joke, something in your profile bothered me.

    "So you're reading this, which means:

    A) My pictures didn't catch your eye, but you have a choice between going through my prose or viewing Bill O'Reilly eating tomatoes"


    What's wrong with that? Although I'd like to watch BillO eat a salmonella infected tomato, the first part of your reasoning screams, "I have low self-esteem even though I know I'm a catch and actually consider myself to be attractive!"

    How more interesting life would be if your smile made someone want to know more about you? I mean, hell, you unapologetically like SpongeBob. That toon frightens me, but you're strong enough to handle him and Patrick.

    Take yourself out on a date and remind yourself how great you are; the world will follow you soon after.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 6:35 PM GMT
    say hey.. with a smile. Works on both sexes... young and old.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    You'll meet guys just doing all the normal things you always do in the course of your week. Places I've met great guys and bfs include:

    Running, cycling, lifting, swimming laps
    Through other friends - hooking me up
    Alumni assn. gatherings / events
    Work related events
    Last but not least - RJ
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 6:45 PM GMT
    Places where I see guys trying to make eye contact.

    - walking down the street (I live in the gay community);

    - supermarkets;

    - subway cars;

    - movie theatres;

    I am in a relationship, but if I was single and prone to casual sex I could probably hook-up every week.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 7:22 PM GMT
    Have you tried looking up activity groups, like a hiking group or a sports team composed of gay men? it's nice to make friends with similar interests in that respect, and might also open doors for a guy or two to date! win-win sitch, no?

    also, in my experience, when i'm not actively looking or hoping to meet a guy for a date/romance/etc, that's when they show up unexpectedly.

    btw, whoooooooooooooooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 7:46 PM GMT
    Ugh.

    You go about finding a guy by living a full life in which there seems no room for a guy!

    FYI: I live in Cincinnati. I've even chatted with user sock_are_nice on this site and others. He's quite funny.

    As he says, Cincinnati is just like any other city in the States. There are bars, the internet, etc. I've never had trouble meeting men here. (They're not always the hottest or most whatever, but the recipe of a good man is a bowl filled with way too many ingredients to ever allow one or two dominance in the mix.) We are a metro region as well, meaning there are plenty of men. Meanwhile many gay men here have integrated into straight society - by that I mean they rarely set foot in "gay places" and they aren't fraidy cat closet queens. So you meet cute guys EVERYWHERE. I even met one at freakin Starbucks on Sunday.

    There are also gay churches or faith groups.

    There are the local action groups: Equality Cincinnati and our local Human Rights Campaign chapter. Also very action in this area is GLSEN.

    We have a men's choir. A gay running group. Nothing targeting young gay professionals...although frankly the Equality Cincinnati and HRC groups fill that niche. I've met a lot of people through those.

    My overall point: do not dismiss any method and do not blame a place. A place is what you make of it.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Jun 17, 2008 7:49 PM GMT
    I just happen to meet them. I've been out for 12 years, so meeting guys is pretty easy. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 7:51 PM GMT
    you could always join something at a local LGBT community center?

    http://www.lgbtcenters.org
  • dannyTX

    Posts: 7

    Jun 17, 2008 7:53 PM GMT
    Man... I wish I had the answer. I live in a gay neighborhood, and I am (literally) surrounded by guys. I just can't work up the courage to ask someone out.

    My gay friends who have partners or date a lot, mostly meet guys on manhunt or adam4adam. I have not had great experience with that- it's mostly talking with duded who just want hook-ups.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    kryptonianadrian said

    btw, whoooooooooooooooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?!


    SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! Yes, I'm a loser. And proud of it.

    Thanks for the advice. Yes, question is more for finding a good, dateable guy. Kind of tired of going home alone.

    Also dreams of Patrick sometimes suffice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    Cincinatti has a pride center. That pride center is in contact with just about every other GLBT group in the city. You can browse those groups at their website's links page. There is everything from sports groups to political organizations to Bears.

    Go to a couple of these meetings, meet some people with a similar interest, and go from there.
  • drakutis

    Posts: 586

    Jun 17, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    I always meet guys at the gas station. They say there's something about the way I put my nozzle in the gas tank hole!
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jun 17, 2008 8:09 PM GMT
    drakutis saidI always meet guys at the gas station. They say there's something about the way I put my nozzle in the gas tank hole!


    That just reminded me of the best advise of all for those that are too shy to meet guys:

    "Go to a bus station or to a bowling alley and hang out with no underpants. Yeah, you'd be surprised at how many men will approach you...."
    -Leon Phelps, The Ladies Man
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 8:10 PM GMT
    socks_are_nice said[quote][cite]

    SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! Yes, I'm a loser. And proud of it.

    Thanks for the advice. Yes, question is more for finding a good, dateable guy. Kind of tired of going home alone.

    Also dreams of Patrick sometimes suffice.



    HAHAH, not a loser dude, i'm a cartoon geek myself! actually, i did some illustration clean-up work for Nickelodeon on an internship a few years ago. i worked on a few SpongeBob SquarePants books =0D

    keep that optimistic chin up, guys are also attracted to guys who aren't afraid to be themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    Stop looking or trying.

    Do the things that make you feel that happiest.

    Stay away from Manhunt, Gay.com, and Adam4Adam and other sites for a while - they can make you very jaded (at least in my experience).

    Love finds you when you are busy living your life and being happy. I know it sounds trite, but it's true.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 8:44 PM GMT
    lissenup saidStop looking or trying.

    Do the things that make you feel that happiest.

    Love finds you when you are busy living your life and being happy. I know it sounds trite, but it's true.


    Ditto... Worked for me.

    I met my current BF when I decided to treat myself to a massage (he had an ad online...NO, not that kind of massage). We got to talking about how we both wanted to go biking but didn't have anyone to go biking with, so we made plans to go since he lives really close to me.

    The day we went biking, we totally hit it off, and it turned into one of the best dates I've ever had. There you have it.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 17, 2008 9:36 PM GMT
    Good Places to meet men icon_cool.gif

    Gym
    Beaches
    On line at the movies ... try it it works icon_wink.gif
    clubs... What!?icon_eek.gif
    Bars ... Eh icon_confused.gif
    Online ... Mystery date icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2008 11:37 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidCincinatti has a pride center. That pride center is in contact with just about every other GLBT group in the city. You can browse those groups at their website's links page. There is everything from sports groups to political organizations to Bears.

    Go to a couple of these meetings, meet some people with a similar interest, and go from there.


    Um...as someone who's lived in the Nasty Nati a while, I'm gonna veto going to the Center. Unless you're looking for volunteer opportunities such as the suicide hotline, the Center is not a place to meet guys. It's mostly run by lesbians and a few kooky Northsiders.

    lissenup's was a good one though. Stop looking. At which point you'll run into 'him'.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2008 12:19 AM GMT
    One addition - don't get too comfortable being single! I got to the point where I didn't want to be in a relationship, and wasn't that into dating anyone on a regular basis. I met a wonderful (truly amazing) person and didn't recognize it at first because I wasn't looking for anything. I'm glad I didn't end things before they had a chance to begin.

    He's not like anyone I've dated before and I'm glad. It keeps things interesting! I'm glad I got rid of any preconceived notions of who I could or couldn't date.