Boyfriend had a life crisis and left town for New Year's Eve

  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 31, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    I'm really at a loss here, and really just not sure I am looking at things clearly.

    My boyfriend of about 7 months found out that his work is doing drug testing next week. Since he is a recreational pot smoker this is a major problem, and it is very understandable that he is freaking out about it. Last time they did the testing one of his co-workers was on vacation and when she got back the testing agency had left so they never rescheduled her test, so he took off the few remaining days from next week. He might also go the whole fake penis route.

    So he starts freaking out about how his whole life and career is ruined...ect and decides he is leaving town for a week and going up to his parents cabin. I asked him to stay, it is New Years and we've had our plans arranged for quite some time, but he refuses. I offer to go with him (it is a 7 hour drive away) and he tells me he doesn't want me to, that he wants to go alone (his parents, sister and brother in law will all be there).

    I try to express my feelings about this: that I want to support him but he won't let me, that it is hard for me since I only moved to California in April and don't have many friends and zero family here, that I feel he always picks spending time up with his old friends and family over me. If we're supposed to be together, as a couple then we should rely on each other, not running home to mom and dad.

    But any point I try to make, he just goes against it by saying that this is what he feels he needs to do. Or that he is doing this for him to make a change...ect


    meanwhile, I'm just stuck here with a few days off feeling like crap, nobody to kiss at midnight and shitty cheap champagne
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Very odd. Not much you can do until he gets back except to live your life and enjoy a New Year's Eve on your own.

    If you can't find a way to enjoy an evening on your own, then perhaps you have a great New Year's resolution right on your doorstep.

    Try Meetup. See if there is a group getting together tonight doing something fun.

    I hope you can manage to have some fun.

    BTW, real Champagne is just a wine merchant away. Life is too short to drink cheap wine.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 31, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidVery odd. Not much you can do until he gets back except to live your life and enjoy a New Year's Eve on your own.

    If you can't find a way to enjoy an evening on your own, then perhaps you have a great New Year's resolution right on your doorstep.

    Try Meetup. See if there is a group getting together tonight doing something fun.

    I hope you can manage to have some fun.

    BTW, real Champagne is just a wine merchant away. Life is too short to drink cheap wine.



    I'm not too worried about New Years, it isn't really the holiday itself that has got me upset (though, that is some part of it). I'm more upset that his solution to a problem was to leave town and leave me behind, instead of taking my offer to help and support him. I get that this is his issue to deal with and I don't want to be one of those people who makes everything about themselves, but I still feel slighted here.
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    Dec 31, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    Sorry your new years plans fell thru. I def understand that you wanna be there for your guy to help him through this. I thought weed was legal in California with a prescription? My cousin at Christmas showed me his Marijuana ID to go to the dispensary. He obviously has Glaucoma haha.

    Maybe you'll find something to do last minute?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 31, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    lotta drama out there on NYE!
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Dec 31, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    He's seeing someone else.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Dec 31, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    Shitty situation, man, sorry to hear it.

    He's made his intentions pretty clear, but perhaps it'll work out for the best. If he's in a negative mindspace right now he may feel that it would be healthier for the relationship to take some time apart while he sorts out his issues than to risk getting into unnecessary conflict with you that he knows might result from his current attitude. A few days away might be just what he needs to help him realize how important your support is to him, and he may come back with a deeper appreciation for you and your bond. While it's a crappy situation for both of you, I can understand why he might think that spending time together over the holidays while he's at his worst may strain the relationship more than a few days apart. That you communicated to him how much you want him in your life, and to be there to support him when he's down, is probably the best, healthiest thing you could have done.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 31, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    DesireIron saidHe's seeing someone else.




    azzhoal icon_exclaim.gif





    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 31, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    rnch saidlotta drama out there on NYE!


    I hate the holidays. I don't hate it because I want to hate it, but I hate it because everyone starts showing their ass around this time.

    Now I'm grouchy because other people want to be a grinch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    DesireIron saidHe's seeing someone else.


    That thought crossed my mind too... then I realized I was making an assumption and jumping to conclusions.

    Chin up and I hope you can work through this with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:07 AM GMT
    sweet savior!!!! where da hell do you guys find this drama!?

    one of those stupid soaps have nothing on some of youicon_exclaim.gif

    can't you go with him to the cabin in the woods?
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    To summarize.....

    1. You are dating a pot head.
    2. The pot head's employer doesn't like drug addicts for employees.
    3. Your bf is upset. He wants to keep smoking pot and working, but his employment status could change after he fails a drug test.
    4. He runs away from his problems.
    5. You make it all about you.

    Is that accurate?

  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 01, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    rnch said
    DesireIron saidHe's seeing someone else.




    azzhoal icon_exclaim.gif





    icon_rolleyes.gif

    oh boo hoo, babylonian eyes!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:21 AM GMT
    You are dating an infantile douche. Time to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:25 AM GMT
    Your boyfriend sounds lame.

    He continues doing something he KNOWS will terminate his employment?
    He abandons you and your NYE plans (I'm assuming you had some) and won't invite you along? If he knew ahead of time that he couldn't have you along (his family isn't comfortable with the situation or whatever) then he shouldn't have gone.

    Unless this is part of his elaborate plan to thwart the drug testers? To provide him with a detailed alibi? If not (hell, even if so) he's lame.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 01, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    DesireIron said...
    oh boo hoo, babylonian eyes!






    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidsweet savior!!!! where da hell do you guys find this drama!?
    one of those stupid soaps have nothing on some of youicon_exclaim.gif

    can't you go with him to the cabin in the woods?

    The OP's bf hasn't invited him. This is a key detail. The non-invitation sends the message that whatever is bothering the bf, he doesn't see the OP as part of the solution.
    This does not bode well. Maybe the next step is one of those awkward discussions culminating in the dreaded "It's not about you ..."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    osakarob saidTo summarize.....

    1. You are dating a pot head.
    2. The pot head's employer doesn't like drug addicts for employees.
    3. Your bf is upset. He wants to keep smoking pot and working, but his employment status could change after he fails a drug test.
    4. He runs away from his problems.
    5. You make it all about you.

    Is that accurate?



    I think osakarob might be on to something to consider.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    TerraFirma said
    osakarob saidTo summarize.....

    1. You are dating a pot head.
    2. The pot head's employer doesn't like drug addicts for employees.
    3. Your bf is upset. He wants to keep smoking pot and working, but his employment status could change after he fails a drug test.
    4. He runs away from his problems.
    5. You make it all about you.

    Is that accurate?



    I think osakarob might be on to something to consider.


    He may have glaucoma icon_smile.gif
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 01, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    If I were boyfriend, I would spend the time getting a drug card and then tell the employer to stuff it up his personnel file. You are in California.
  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jan 01, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    Step 1. Go to a club or go to a college party (doesnt really matter where or whos, people are so drunk around New Years that everyone looks unfamiliar)
    Step 2.DRINK alcohol like its water icon_smile.gif
    Step 3. Talk to a few guys icon_lol.gif
    Step 4. Same as Step 2, only more icon_biggrin.gif
    Step 5. Find a good looking guy at the location you are at (Your in Cali, im sure even the homeless guys are hot over there, so it shouldnt be that hard) icon_wink.gif
    Step 6. Same as 2 and 4 only more icon_biggrin.gif
    Step 7. Have SEX with that guy from step 5, and A LOT of it icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
    Step 8. Watch the Ball drop icon_smile.gif, while you continue doing steps 2,4,6 & 7 icon_cool.gif
    Step 9. Go to sleep sometime after you have either gotten so drunk that you cant get a boner anymore or you pass out icon_lol.gif
    Step 10. You will probably wake up feeling a little guilty, if you remember anything at all (under the condition that you do remember, you can drink some more, but that is opitional) icon_cool.gif

    There you go! sounds like a great way to start 2012 to me!
    Lmao hahhaha, icon_surprised.gif

    P.S a buddy of mine did something simliar when his gf left him on valentines day (I think i miss spelled that) icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2012 12:47 AM GMT
    When "boyfriends" do something so obviously unboyfriend like, it's time to walk.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 01, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    If he's doing drugs, well cannibas, you likely are too. That shit fucks with your brain. Been there and done the embarrasing that. It's just New Years, not the end of the world. If he's good at work, they will keep him even if he's got a bit of drug history in his urine. Relax.
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    Jan 01, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidYou are dating an infantile douche. Time to move on.



    Haha! Getting right to the point tonight aren't you?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 01, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    LJay saidIf I were boyfriend, I would spend the time getting a drug card and then tell the employer to stuff it up his personnel file. You are in California.



    It is Cali and anybody can get a marijuana Rx, but employers don't have to honor that...kind of a lame loophole in that law.



    DesireIron saidHe's seeing someone else.



    No, that isn't even a tiny little bit of a concern in my situation.