chat room as a trainer

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  Jul 25, 2007 6:39 AM GMT

  Hey guys
  
  For a long time, I suffered from very low self-esteem. I have always found it hard to flirt or chat up guys because I have issues surrounding rejection.
  
  Over the last five or so years, I have found that being able to join in a lively and fun discussion in gay chat rooms has given me more confidence. I realise its more important to be able to do this face to face with people, but its a start.
  
  Any advice or experiences to share?
  

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• Laurence
  
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  Jul 25, 2007 1:41 PM GMT

  Hi Cooper
  
  Well done at losing some of your inhibitions in your chatroom experiences. It's a great way to get used to chatting and flriting with guys.
  
  It is hard to strike up conversations in person, but does get easier the more you do it I think.
  
  My top tips for chatting someone up;
  
  1. Be interested in them, don't go on and on about yourself.
  
  2. Be funny and laugh at the funny things they say. Everyone is flattered when someone finds their jokes humorous.
  
  3. If you're going to compliment a guy, make it believable, he'll think you're a creep if you lie about something.
  
  4. Be prepared for rejection. Everyone has suffered it, even really hot guys get knocked back. You may not be his type. Just learn to brush it off and move on (it's not personal).
  
  Good luck and get out there.
  
  Loz

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• Lincsbear
  
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  Jul 25, 2007 4:05 PM GMT

  Hi there,cooper!I`m in a similar situation to you.Having been out of meeting other guys/dating for a number of years,I`m finding the internet a great way to restablish contact with them,especially I live in an isolated,rural area with liitle in the way of a gay scene.Learning to chat/flirt/interact with guys again has encouraged me to go further and meet in the flesh!I lacked the self confidence to just go out there and meet them previously.This cyber medium has enabled me to get going again!
  Now I`ve met a few,I`d agree with a lot of what Laurence says....All I`d add would be to be honest,be yourself.Don`t make things up to impress a guy or start acting the way you think he wants you to.Simple things like looking him straight in the eyes and smiling go quite a way as well.
  Best wishes.Hugs,John.

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  Jul 25, 2007 5:30 PM GMT

  Congrats, Cooper, on becoming for comfortable via internet chatrooms.
  
  Some great advice has been given so far. I also agree that internet chatting is a great way ease into feeling more comfortable with regards to meeting people.
  
  Just like it is with talking with people in person, be yourself and be honset. Rejection happens to everyone, so you're certainly not alone there. Keep on going. Practice does make perfect. :-) Jorel

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  Jul 25, 2007 6:16 PM GMT

  Learn to play the bass right handed. :D
  
  (just kidding)

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  Jul 25, 2007 10:21 PM GMT

  All the above posts are on target. I never chatted online or hooked up on the net, generational thing. When you meet a guy in person, Laurence's advice is right on target. Find something nice to say to him. It shouldn't be too hard if you know him on-line. "Cool shirt", "Love the cut of your jeans," "Nice arms," "great shoes", etc. Don't clam up about yourself, but ask him about himself and things that interest him (movies, music, books, whatever you found out about him online and LISTEN to what he says, and go from there. Nobody wants to be with a guy who blathers on about himself.
  Funny is good. You don't want to do a stand-up routine, but show him you have a sense of humor and don't take yourself too seriously.
  
  Everybody faces rejection. It's not easy, but you can never be sure why you're being rejected, so chalk it up as a learning and toughening experience and move on. The strangest things turn guys on or off, so develop enough ego to tell yourself its his loss!
  
  Your profile says you are looking to meet guys who are comfortable in their own skin. So are the guys you meet.
  Best wishes, John

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  Jul 26, 2007 12:54 AM GMT

  Thanks heaps guys. Much appreciated advice. I will certainly keep it all in mind.
  
  Abd being a gay left handed bass player is a talking point, I feel, so I won't be changing anytime soon :-P

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• GQjock
  
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  Jul 29, 2007 12:47 PM GMT

  while the internet is a means of meeting other guys it can never replace "meeting" men as you put it face to face
  .... just a warning that you shouldn't fall back on chatrooms to keep you from getting out there

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