what method have you used to break up with your bf? (face to face, telephone, voice mail, text messages, "dear john" letter....)

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 02, 2012 12:56 PM GMT
    my long term bf broke up with me via text messages yesterday.

    i thought it kinda-sorta tacky and cowardly that he had to do it this way; that he couldn't have a face-to-face conversation with me over something this important.

    (i suspect that he was too drunk or too hungover to drive or to be seen in public; perhaps this is why he chose this method of conversation.....)

    wadduathunk icon_question.gif
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    Jan 02, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    If he is/was always in this kind of state (drunk/hungover) then consider it a favor he provided for you because you don't need that kind of baggage.
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    Jan 02, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    Always face to face. It's the most honest way. Whenever I hear someone broke up with their partner over phone/text/facebook/messenger/letter/smoke sign all I can think is "What a pussy".
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    Jan 02, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    He must love you very much.
    He probably knew that a break-up was imminent and had the guts to do it. So you get to play the victim and complain about "this douchebag who broke up with you via text message after X years of relationship". Now you get to look for a new boyfriend without having to string him along.

    Laisse les bon temps ruler (tally ho)
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    Jan 02, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    If they were a good guy and I just wasn't feeling it, in person always. But I have stranded three different guys in bars for pissing me off... once in a city 300 miles from his home. That was fun. He got back to the hotel and was locked out of the room because I had checked out and left town.
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    Welcome to my world... mine broke up with me over a phone call at 3 am just 4 days afer I spent a weekend with him, his family, and our friends. He's been avoiding me since even thought he says he wants to hang out... I find that BS hard to beleive since I've made all the efforts and now it's up in his court. This is bullshit.. In that relationship I would have been the more submissive one (no necessairly the bottom... long story) but I've got more balls than him. Pussy... woman arent the only one with them.
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    Seeing the threads about him over the past few months, this really doesn't surprise me. Have some "me time" and bask in the fact that you were the bigger man. *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    rnch saidmy long term bf broke up with me via text messages yesterday.

    i thought it kinda-sorta tacky and cowardly that he had to do it this way; that he couldn't have a face-to-face conversation with me over something this important.

    (i suspect that he was too drunk or too hungover to drive or to be seen in public; perhaps this is why he chose this method of conversation.....)

    wadduathunk icon_question.gif


    i think he has blatantly told you what he thought of you. grieve a little if you have to, dust yourself off and get back on the horse.

    and try not to be bitter - this too shall pass.

    i have used face to face
    i have used email
    i have used the phone

    face to face: if i valued the guy and wanted to remain in his life - somewhat
    email: due to distance and if i don't give a damn about him.
    phone: i couldn't be bothered
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    I think a text message breakup is tacky and potentially hurtfully. Texts are short form messages and you need to honestly and fully express why you're breaking up with someone you've been with a long time. If you're only casually dating I think an email or phone call would work ok.
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 02, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    Shotgun.........in my dreams!
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    paulflexes saidSeeing the threads about him over the past few months, this really doesn't surprise me. Have some "me time" and bask in the fact that you were the bigger man. *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif
    I can't tell if you're being sentimentally serious or not...

    Taking into account the OP's many posts anticipating the breakup I think the sentimentality is most likely faux.
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:40 PM GMT


    After this much time and a rather intense relationship I think it was a tacky way to break up. It could, however, make the letting go of him a little easier, knowing you don't mean enough to him for him to do it face to face.

    *gives rnch a hug*
    -Doug
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    Jan 02, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    TexDef07 said
    Trollileo said
    paulflexes saidSeeing the threads about him over the past few months, this really doesn't surprise me. Have some "me time" and bask in the fact that you were the bigger man. *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif
    I can't tell if you're being sentimentally serious or not...

    Taking into account the OP's many posts anticipating the breakup I think the sentimentality is most likely faux.
    I was talking about the double entendre in the "bigger man" part.
    "Bigger man" = the one who showed a great deal of patience and love.
    And yeah, if he were here in person, he'd get a great big hug from me. He deserves it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Jan 02, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Anyone who would end a long-term relationship via text message should be filed under the column "Good Riddance". This is a coward, with zero communication skills, who doesn't deserve you or anyone else until he grows some balls and gets his act together. It may not seem so now, but I suspect you will thank the guy one day for giving you your first real gift of 2012.
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    Jan 02, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    A little history is in order. The guy that just dumped his well-over-a year partner (rnch) had gone to great lengths to prove his love. Rushing rnch to hospital and weeping over him. Declarations of love et al.

    When things went rocky rnch was here asking questions and trying to proceed cautiously, doubting what his guts were, I think, trying to tell him.

    The guts turned out to be right.

    -Doug

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    Jan 02, 2012 4:10 PM GMT
    He took a swing at me and I broke his jaw. Message received, apparently.
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    Jan 02, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    Up close and personal. I'd do it face to face. That's what a man who respects himself does.
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    Jan 02, 2012 4:35 PM GMT
    mike29401 saidHe took a swing at me and I broke his jaw. Message received, apparently.
    One of my exes thre a punch at me (while drunk). I caught his fist and held it. Then he threw another punch with his other fist. I caught that one, too. Then I squeezed both his fists so hard that it almost broke his fingers. He never tried hitting me again. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 02, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    rnch saidwadduathunk icon_question.gif

    If he was still under the influence it may have been better that you guys didn't do this in person, might have gotten very loud and even physical. But even if he had waited until recovered fully from New Years, I can think of another reason why he texted you --

    His wife forbade him from seeing you again. And if she still has that influence over him (I think they're just separated, correct?), to the point that he spent NYE with her instead of you, and he's been dividing his time between the two of you for some time now with no change in sight, then this has been a dead end for you all along. Which you sensed previously and shared with us here.

    Incidentally, I've broken up with 3 BFs in the last 17 years I've been out. And each time I told him my decision in person, in a non-accusatory way. One I lost track of, one became vengeful that I chose my future partner over him and he still tries to throw obstacles into my life, and the other remains friends with me, as well as with my current partner. We've even done touristy things together in Florida.

    So I can see any number of possible dénouements after a breakup, and I anticipate you asking us about that issue next. I'll jump the gun and suggest that you make the break clean and total. And take Paul's advice for some "me time" and let your emotions normalize before you throw yourself "once more into the breach" of the dating scene.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 02, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    If you can't break up face to face...You're a pussy
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    Jan 02, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    DatBeef saidAlways face to face. It's the most honest way. Whenever I hear someone broke up with their partner over phone/text/facebook/messenger/letter/smoke sign all I can think is "What a pussy".


    I agree. It's basically the only way I've been dumped (and I was the one who was always dumped in the end). Sadly, these are the ones who will then approach you via the same medium with the "I made a huge mistake. I miss you" messages later. icon_rolleyes.gif

    A phone call is at least a little better, but if you're going to break up with a guy, have the courtesy to send him off respectfully.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 02, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    meninlove said A little history is in order. The guy that just dumped his well-over-a 3 year partner (rnch) had gone to great lengths to prove his love. Rushing rnch to hospital and weeping over him. Declarations of love et al.

    When things went rocky rnch was here asking questions and trying to proceed cautiously, doubting what his guts were, I think, trying to tell him.

    The guts turned out to be right.

    -Doug




    thank you, MIL, for your reply and for "catching my back". we had been together for 3 years, 8 months, "late in life bloomers" who figured our true sexuality out at about the same time. given my short term doner DNA (my father's side of the family, whom i closely resemble, all died in their mid/late 60's...so i prolly have about 15 years left); i honestly thought that I had won the lottery of life with him, that the ex would be the one i one spend the rest of my life with.

    i wonder if he's not on some type of mood leveling medication(s) the he has stopped taking!

    seriously!!

    96% of the time he was a sweet, kind, gentle, intelligent, loving, attentive man who showed me his love in verbal and non-verbal ways, cooking for me, buying me small gifts, the above mentioned two hospital trips, calling me a cab and bringing me home when i crashed from too much diabetic meds, a skillfull and attentive lover and quite caring in and out of the bedroom.

    our own quirky, "abby normal" personalities seemed quite in tune with the others: he "got" my droll jokes that few people did and would often have the same thoughts as i did, laugh at the same things that i thought was funny that other people did not notice. more than once he or I would call/text the other just as the other's hand was on his phone, about to do the same thing. people that barely knew us would comment how much we appeared to like each other.

    then he would turn into this selfish, arrogant, hurtful, hatefulll man who did what exactly what he wanted to do, regardless of the consequences, with no regard to whose feelings he hurt in the process of his own self-gratification; and then try to minimize his actions and make fun of me when i complained or called him out on it.

    i can only shake my head at what has happened here.


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  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Jan 02, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    Face to face, or I'll cut you.
    The last one, I basically had to force the breakup consent out of him via e-mail. What a little bitch.
  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    Jan 02, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    I broke up with my long-term bf over the phone after I found out he had cheated on me several months earlier. I was drunk, cussed him out and basically made an ass of myself in lashing out like a broken-hearted tween.

    Next day I drove to his place (three hours away) and re-broke up with him face to face, just for good measure icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 02, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    My last bf of 6 yrs lived 2 hrs away so everything was done over the phone. It was fine with me cuz if we would have done it in person I probably woulda hurt his lying cheating psychotic ass.