Confused. Need advice.

  • c_l012345

    Posts: 1

    Jan 02, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Hi. I'm 28 year old guy. I'm really confused about something and just need to hear from others that might know where I'm coming from.

    So, for as long as I can remember, I've had the desire to be with a man. I'm not attracted to men normally and the idea of dating a guy or holding hands and kissing just does nothing for me. But at times, I get this almost uncontrollable feeling to give oral sex to a guy or even have anal sex as a bottom. It will just build and build and build and when I masturbate it feels amazing. Until right after I climax, then all of that desire just vanishes and I instantly feel attracted to women again.

    I love women. I love dating and being with and having sex with women. But the urge to have sex with a man hits me almost daily. I jerk off and it's gone again. The attraction I feel to men isn't romantic, it's just sexual. I thought I might try to meet a guy and just get it out of my system. But every time I find someone, I just chicken out.

    It's like there are two sides to me. The side that is straight, loves having girlfriends, being romantic, and very sexual with women. And another side that is just attracted to sexually to the idea of being with a man. I don't know if I should just go for it and see what happens or something else.

    If there is anyone out there that could help with this, or give any kind of advice, I would sincerely appreciate it.

    Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    You're bisexual. The reason you don't want to date a man is because society has conditioned you to feel that way.

    There are bisexual women out there who would love to have a bisexual man as a partner; but you'll have no luck finding one if you aren't honest about yourself.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Jan 02, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    Dude...You're bi....My advice would be to experiment with both sexes...If you feel comfortable...be honest and up front with your partners...Use protection at all times...Don't submit to guilt...There's nothing wrong about your feelings or sex drive....All the best...BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2012 6:13 PM GMT
    You actually could be gay, too. Life has conditioned you, and society pressures you, to date and have sex with women.
    But if it feels really great stroking off while thinking of guys and its more intense than with women, you like guys more. You are just afraid to act on those urges.
  • Hammer89

    Posts: 237

    Jan 02, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    You're Bi and there's nothing wrong with that. I agree with the previous posters about society conditioning you to date women and the pressure and all that but you shouldn't be ashamed of having sex with a guy or putting yourself out there to be with a guy. If you've never done it, go ahead and try it and see what you feel. You'll never fully understand or know how you're feeling or what you want unless you try. Good luck and happy new year!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    I had a similar situation when i was growing up as far as not wanting to kiss a man or be in a relationship with a man because I was raised that it was so wrong and the thought of it just didn't seem right. It took time for me to get over the social rules I had instilled in my mind. Bottom line if you're attracted to guys, you're attracted to guys and that's not going to change. You need to accept who you are whether that's bi or gay. As far as experimenting with a guy to get it out of your system, this isn't something that's going to leave.
  • 20crash10

    Posts: 3

    Jan 02, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    I had the same ussue when I was younger. It took time, and a lot of soul searching. I still switch between which I like more. Sometimes I still think it's just sexual with guys, but that's my own battle. But i've come to realize i'm only limiting myself when it comes to love by picking a side.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 02, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    at 28 I am surprised you know so little about yourself. Be smart use condoms. You will be fine you are not the only man like this, BUT you are missing out if you don't kiss.icon_idea.gif
    I'd say your either bi or you were raised with religious guilt about sex and men. Just my opinion.
  • mav29x

    Posts: 12

    Jan 03, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    I was in your shoes not too long ago. In my soul searching, I decided to hook up with a guy and just tried it out. I was honest with him and told him my story. He was gay and didn't want a relationship anyway so it worked out for both of us.

    Give it a shot. What do you have to lose? Be safe though.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 03, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    My current boyfriend is like you, although more conflicted. We love each other but he won't leave his girlfriend, and he claims that I'm the only guy he has a sexual interest in. Gays are not stupid. We just go along for the ride.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 03, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    Bro, it sounds like you are bi. There is nothing wrong with that. Or you could be one of the those guys who just like to be fucked. Hell I am sure you can find a woman who might be willing to put on a strap on and fuck you. ;)
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 03, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidMy current boyfriend is like you, although more conflicted. We love each other but he won't leave his girlfriend, and he claims that I'm the only guy he has a sexual interest in. Gays are not stupid. We just go along for the ride.

    But what does this say about you??? ... icon_eek.gif
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 03, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
    20crash10 saidI had the same ussue when I was younger. It took time, and a lot of soul searching. I still switch between which I like more. Sometimes I still think it's just sexual with guys, but that's my own battle. But i've come to realize i'm only limiting myself when it comes to love by picking a side.

    Wow, being Bi is a bitch. Glad my genes made a decision. ... icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidMy current boyfriend is like you, although more conflicted. We love each other but he won't leave his girlfriend, and he claims that I'm the only guy he has a sexual interest in. Gays are not stupid. We just go along for the ride.


    Yikes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    Welcome to the club! embrace it!
  • 20crash10

    Posts: 3

    Jan 22, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    DesireIron said
    20crash10 saidI had the same ussue when I was younger. It took time, and a lot of soul searching. I still switch between which I like more. Sometimes I still think it's just sexual with guys, but that's my own battle. But i've come to realize i'm only limiting myself when it comes to love by picking a side.

    Wow, being Bi is a bitch. Glad my genes made a decision. ... icon_biggrin.gif

    When you can be whatever you want to be, it's easier to get swept along in the conformed ideas of how we should be.