deeley1 said^^above phrase: 'straight-acting gay guy', doesn't that just piss you off and anger you? On gay dating sites (and on real-jock) people say that they're 'straight-acting' as if to assume that straight guys are masculine and gay guys are camp...I just think that this constant stereotyping has lead the LGBT community itself to believe that these stereotypes are actually true, so much so that when you do get a masculine gay guy, he has to state that he's 'straight acting'. Personally, it irritates me...most of us are average Joes...and not just that, but you can also get 'gay acting straight guys' (see what I did there)...
What do you think?....
I don't like the term, but not for the reasons you state. I don't like the "acting" word, makes it seem like they are just acting straight the way it's phrased.
I and all of my acquaintances consider me masculine. The only beef my straight roommate holds against me as un-masculine is that sometimes I get too emotional about some situations, but I'm getting better killing off that part of me.
I just don't like hanging out with walking/talking stereotypes, and all of my gay friends are, generally, unstereotypical (some still hang in the scene on occasion, but are otherwise masculine). So it's not really the masculine guys or even society stereotyping, it's the gay men who do sound, dress, and act "camp" who keep the stereotypes going.
To put it in perspective, what if all gay men were similar to Neil Patrick Harris, a generally masculine dude by all appearances and accounts? Would society be able to continue to portray gay men as lisping, sashaying, limp wrist-ed drama queens?
I always like to point out the Jack character from Will and Grace (played by a straight dude for comedic effect). You know, when white people dress up in black face and talk about fried chicken and watermelon, the black community understandably gets pretty damn pissed off. Yet when we have a straight dude acts in a stereotypical gay fashion (and I consider Jack's character a prime example of a gay stereotype) the gay community seems to actually revel in, rather than be repulsed by, this sort of stereotypical acting from a straight actor.
So I don't know if non-masculine guys can "butch themselves up" but I personally think flamboyancy is socialized, it comes from who you hang with and is reinforced by the folks you hang with. Quit hanging with the queens and Nelly types and chances are you will eventually get out of the gay stereotype and be a little more masculine in your behavior and dress at least, if not voice as well.