my dillema with my straight friend

  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jan 02, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    hi everyone. hope you had a nice new year.

    i just want to share my situation with a good friend who happens to be straight. feel free to write your advice and/or even judgements here, it might be helpful

    so here it goes... i've been friends with him for about two years now, we met because we attended the same civil service class in college(we are like 10 in that class), after the class ends, we manage to still keep in touch.

    A couple of months ago, i made a stupid decision to make a fake facebook account to specifically anonymously ask him to have sex with me. And to my suprise, he said yes(which is a turn off, i mean, who says yes to that. but them again, who ask his friend anonymously to have sex with them -_-). And since he said yes, I immediately replied that it was me who send that message. And then he replied "oy pare, sige ba, game"("hey buddy, ok, game). which to me is a very awkward and wtf exchange of messages. Why is he so cool with this? wouldn't you be like surprised or confused when you found out that your friend messaged you to have sex with him? I hated that there is no facial expressions in emails.

    Fast forward to now, the sex did not happen. And now we are both pretending that the whole thing did not happen(the awkward exchange of messages), but really, its killing me. what gives?

    Should i remind him or should i just keep mum about the whole thing and wait for him to talk about it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    You dug that hole yourself, buddy. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 02, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    Sounds like your 'straight' friend is not ready to deal with his sexuality, and nothing you can say or do will get him there. I would let it go for now and just continue to be his friend. Of course this hole you dug, may become the 'elephant in the room' in which case, you may eventually need to bring up the subject. I suspect though he will do a great job of avoiding the situation and, if you value his friendship, you should let it go. Hopefully he will come around.
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    Jan 02, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    toohottohandle7 saidYou dug that hole yourself, buddy. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Yep. Don't bring it up again. Let him bring it up. Find another crush until he decides to act on it. If you want to accelerate things, go out drinking together but, again, let him be the one to bring it up. Don't stare into his eyes or make things weird at all. Just literally act like nothing happened.
  • Grubberboy

    Posts: 70

    Jan 02, 2012 10:36 PM GMT
    That fake Facebook account thing was a bad idea. I assume you used a fake pic? And if you did, he really agreed to have sex with someone other than you. Isn't that right?
    Man, you opened up a Pandora's box. If I was you, following the logic of this, the conclusion I would come to is that he is willing to have sex with someone else, but now you. This would drive me nuts.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jan 03, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    Grubberboy saidThat fake Facebook account thing was a bad idea. I assume you used a fake pic? And if you did, he really agreed to have sex with someone other than you. Isn't that right?
    Man, you opened up a Pandora's box. If I was you, following the logic of this, the conclusion I would come to is that he is willing to have sex with someone else, but now you. This would drive me nuts.


    the fake fb has no pic in it. so yeah, the thought of him agreeing to have random sex with a stranger is gah! to me.
    and i agree, my lust gets the best of me, i crossed the line icon_sad.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 03, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    Did he know you were a man when you asked him for sex? Also, maybe he was just joking when he said yes. Why is it a problem that he would have random sex with some random person. Is he married? Does he have a gf? If not, than you should not be judging him because he has sex I am a little confused about this whole post..
  • mindandmuscle

    Posts: 44

    Jan 03, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    I would say just let it go for now, maybe the time will be right for both of you to discuss it someday, but it sounds like you shouldn't push it.
  • confidentcrip

    Posts: 111

    Jan 03, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
    We all make mistakes. But, wow. that was dumb.
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    Jan 03, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    The fake profile was totally out of line. He probably said yes as a joke anyway. But to make it worse, you went ahead and said that you were behind the fake profile the whole time, which was an even bigger mistake because you could have just used the information you gathered anonymously without risking personal repercussions. He probably agreed with you when you revealed your identity jokingly still, probably to make it a less awkward situation too. That would be the reason why he is pretending like it didn't happen while you are in person. That's a crazy awkward situation you created for yourself.

    I'd say to apologize and come clean but that won't restore the previous state of your friendship. You can never be friends like you were before again.
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    Jan 03, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    Eh drop it and move on. You're young, find someone else to play with
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    itsabouttheblues saidEh drop it and move on. You're young, find someone else to play with


    People aren't playthings to be tossed aside or collected on a whim.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Jan 03, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    Don't ask a question you don't want an answer to and don't hold someone to a standard that you can't match yourself. Assuming he wasn't joking and/or still knew it was you, at least have a mature (though that was kinda gone the minute you made a fake FB profile hahaha) conversation with him. Maybe he's game; maybe he's not. Either way, I don't think you can be disappointed or disgusted with his initial response, since you posed the question (albeit, underhandedly). At the worst, you'll both remain awkward around each other. But don't go giving up the cookies and cakes!
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    Jan 03, 2012 7:30 AM GMT
    Animus said
    itsabouttheblues saidEh drop it and move on. You're young, find someone else to play with


    People aren't playthings to be tossed aside or collected on a whim.


    I do not personally believe they are either but the "game" that he initiated seems like he may not find his friendship as valuable as he protests. My wording was poor yes but the point remains, things get awkward you drop it and move on or you discuss what happened and work it out. Either way things need to move forward.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Jan 03, 2012 8:45 AM GMT
    OP you are a little neurotic.

    YOU initiated the whole thing then you can't face the consequences. The fault is entirely yours.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jan 03, 2012 8:49 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidDid he know you were a man when you asked him for sex? Also, maybe he was just joking when he said yes. Why is it a problem that he would have random sex with some random person. Is he married? Does he have a gf? If not, than you should not be judging him because he has sex I am a little confused about this whole post..


    i think janko cumming is a male name, isn't it?(porn star names are funny lol)
    I don't think he is joking when he said yes.
    Yeah, i have a fucked up moral code that i follow.
    And no, he has no gf/wife.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Jan 03, 2012 8:52 AM GMT
    I would class your behaviour as 'bit weird' or, consider your age, childish.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 03, 2012 8:56 AM GMT
    offshore saidOP you are a little neurotic.

    YOU initiated the whole thing then you can't face the consequences. The fault is entirely yours.

    agreed! That was a strange/creepy thing you did. Also he isn't into you he said u were playing a game-get over it before you end what could be a good friendicon_idea.gif
    If he was into you he would have made a move.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 9:00 AM GMT
    Dude do you want it or not
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 9:21 AM GMT
    You ask him to have sex (as a pic-less guy). He says yes (presumably would find out what you look like first).

    You ask him to have sex, revealing that it is infact you. He says yes.

    He is obviously into you to some degree.

    You are confused.

    puppy-head-tilt1.jpg

    I R Confused...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 9:50 AM GMT
    I think the set up of a fake profile was pretty deceitful, no matter his reply. If it were my friend that did that I'd be very unsure how to react.

    If he is exploring his sexuality, think back to your first thoughts and online interactions when dealing with it- you may have responded to people online excitedly yet had no intention of meeting, rather seeing what developed.

    I think apologise, tell him you're interested in something physical if he wants that, but otherwise be open with him and put it behind you if he doesn't want to proceed. You did breach his trust in the first place.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jan 03, 2012 10:39 AM GMT
    AussieBody saidI think the set up of a fake profile was pretty deceitful, no matter his reply. If it were my friend that did that I'd be very unsure how to react.

    If he is exploring his sexuality, think back to your first thoughts and online interactions when dealing with it- you may have responded to people online excitedly yet had no intention of meeting, rather seeing what developed.

    I think apologise, tell him you're interested in something physical if he wants that, but otherwise be open with him and put it behind you if he doesn't want to proceed. You did breach his trust in the first place.


    Thanks for the advice, i've thought of apologizing to him but i'm afraid that it will also remind him the whole thing so i've decided not to do it.
    And also to clarify, the word "game" used in our online conversation is a just a slang for sure ok etc. The whole thing is not a game.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 03, 2012 10:48 AM GMT
    So you have the hots for this guy. You did something dishonest and stupid. Then admitted it to him. In a way it sounds like you were baiting him and somehow you "won" or punked him.

    You need to tell him straight up that you are crushing on him, and you didn't know what to do so you did this stupid thing. Then tell him that if he is interested in playing with you to let you know, but you would like to stay friends regardless. Let him make the next move. If he doesnt' make a move, then assume he isn't into you and move on, and just be friends.

    Receiving a proposal of anonymous sex with another guy might have created a sexy fantasy and a safe place to explore in his mind. But then connecting it with an actual person that he knows probably burst the bubble. The difference between fantasy and reality is pretty big!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2012 11:03 AM GMT
    Some guy I was with once told me had some something and wanted to try it. I said one time for everything. He then viciously berated me about how I shouldn't want to try it. He was essentially testing me and I thought he was being extremely dysfunctional. For this and other reasons things between us ended. Not even friends.

    To me what you did was essentially testing him and you two were only friends. At least he's ignoring what you did. I'd just warn you against doing it again and be careful when you judge him and others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2012 2:02 PM GMT
    1. Apologise to your friend for misleading him.
    2. Tell him why you did it: you wanted to have sex with him.
    3. If he wants to have sex with you I am sure he will tell you. If he is not interested, he will let you know.
    4. If you like someone, you cannot start a relationship on lies, deceit and manipulation. You were a BAD BOY. Now learn your lesson and start over.