It's all so confusing.

  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 03, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    I had a wonderful date on Friday. 9 hours long. We started with lunch. We hit it off so well, we enjoyed the day out together and it ran thru dinner, then a walk afterwards. Then ....nothing all weekend. Only one brief response to a text.

    He said how much fun he had on the date. Nobody twisted his arm to say it. He said how much he enjoyed being together. Nobody twisted his arm to say it.

    Now nothing. This drives me crazy. It's all so confusing.

    Maybe I'll learn what's up one of these days. I'm not saying anything and he'll prolly act like he doesnt have a clue. Men are like that. Yeah, they are.
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    Jan 03, 2012 4:38 AM GMT
    Why do guys DO that!? It's happened to me on several occasions as well. Once the guy disappeared for a month after the date and suddenly was all over, me probably after he ran through his other options. But sometimes, you really like a guy, and he gives all these signals that he likes you back, but then you never hear back. I would much rather prefer, 'let's be friends' or 'I just don't like you in that way.'
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Jan 03, 2012 7:29 AM GMT
    Yeah, with some guys it's like flavor of the day/week/month. It sucks because you aren't really in a position to do anything, except look clingy or stupid. He has your number. If he wants to talk to you, he will. Otherwise, you're not a big deal any more.

    For guys like that, screw em', no matter how cute they are icon_confused.gif It's no fun moving on, but that's what you should probably do.

    You should be glad it was only 9 hours of your time.
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    Jan 03, 2012 7:50 AM GMT
    If you contacted him since the date you side due diligence. Let him call you
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    Jan 03, 2012 8:05 AM GMT
    My take... when people "date" there are all these expectations, some hidden, some not so hidden and it causes people to think like 29 year old single women whose biological clocks are ticking. Instead of "dating", more people need to "friend". By "friending", you hangout one day and then you both get like several days/weeks to yourself away from each other. You can meet other guys without expectations and then keep in touch with each other to learn more about the other person. If there is sexual attraction, you can even swing that in.

    When you "date", there just isn't much room for error because you are searching for a mate. Dating is heavy. When you friend, you are just trying to figure out common interests with no clock ticking in the background, no next move or hidden objective... I can text you when I'm bored without worrying about sending the wrong signals and vice versa.

    He said he had fun and you had fun. Don't send the "I just wanted to see how your day was going" text. That would be a lie. You want to know if he's thinking about you.(see...heaviness). Send him a joke or a crazy youtube video you came across and say, "Have you seen this? Funny...." Keep it light and make it about things versus feelings. Invite him out to movies with a bunch of your coworkers and see if he wants to tag along. The feelings come after you get to know each other. Dating is too much like a job interview to get to know each other, naturally. Friending doesn't have an expiration date between meetings. Give it time. As in more than 1 week. Again, my $0.02
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 03, 2012 11:34 AM GMT
    You guys are right. It's time to chill. It will be interesting to see if he says anything when/if he ever surfaces again. But, man, it was the greatest date. I havent met up with someone that I seemed to be so compatible in a very long time. .... Maybe I'm seeing why his bf walked out on him. ... icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 03, 2012 12:09 PM GMT
    Wow. I really wish I had the answer because this has happened to me countless times. I've never understood it. It seems to be pretty common in the gay male world. Not sure if straight people have to endure such hot/cold flakiness. I'm sure I'm guilty of running hot/cold at times. We all are. However, being up in someone's face one day and then not even responding to a text the next is behavior I don't think I'll ever understand. It's definitely put me off of meeting people online and has just about put me off on dating altogether. I think the advice about just pursuing friendships is the best. Then something might develop out of that. However, the problem is finding someone who really just wants to develop a friendship. Seems like sex is always an angle. If they get sex or don't think they're going to get sex, these "friends" seem to disappear too.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 03, 2012 12:39 PM GMT
    I think sometimes it would be wonderful to remember that a date is just that: a date...a time for two people to go out and spend some time together without having any sort of sexual contact and without developing romantic feelings for each other. Too many times, one guy will start to think "Oh my, I really want to see this guy again because this guy would be perfect to start a relationship with. We got along so well and had a perfect time together."........while the other guy who truly did enjoy himself, only wanted to go out for a few hours as a friend with no further expectations of settling down, building a home, having kids...etc. icon_wink.gif

    Too many times I think we attribute emotions and expectations too soon, where there shouldn't be any yet. icon_confused.gif

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 03, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    DesireIron saidI had a wonderful date on Friday. 9 hours long. We started with lunch. We hit it off so well, we enjoyed the day out together and it ran thru dinner, then a walk afterwards. Then ....nothing all weekend. Only one brief response to a text.

    He said how much fun he had on the date. Nobody twisted his arm to say it. He said how much he enjoyed being together. Nobody twisted his arm to say it.

    Now nothing. This drives me crazy. It's all so confusing.

    Maybe I'll learn what's up one of these days. I'm not saying anything and he'll prolly act like he doesnt have a clue. Men are like that. Yeah, they are.


    Ha ha ha Well maybe he did have a good time chatting with you. Maybe he did enjoy your company but just did not want to go on a second date with you. Maybe he was just not that into you.
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    Jan 03, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    just find out who his best friend is and take him out and post pictures on facebook of yall getting wasted and "accidentally" tag him in one and be like "oops"

    sorry Mean Girls was just on TV
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 03, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    It could be a number of things.. he might just be that he's very busy with work or something else. Don't jump to conclusions! On the other hand,
    he might be a little overwhelmed (maybe even a little scared) about what he was feeling. He may or may not be comfortable with those feelings or his
    degree of self acceptance of those feelings (despite what he may or may not have told you). Be open minded, understand he may or may not respond and move forward.
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    Jan 03, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    Or you can go to your favorite mall and pick out the china pattern that you think he may like and have him over to unwrap it the next time you have a "date".
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 03, 2012 2:02 PM GMT
    wi2sd saidOr you can go to your favorite mall and pick out the china pattern that you think he may like and have him over to unwrap it the next time you have a "date".


    Pssst.....I personally like Rothschild with the platinum trim...icon_wink.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jan 03, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidWhy do guys DO that!? It's happened to me on several occasions as well. Once the guy disappeared for a month after the date and suddenly was all over, me probably after he ran through his other options. But sometimes, you really like a guy, and he gives all these signals that he likes you back, but then you never hear back. I would much rather prefer, 'let's be friends' or 'I just don't like you in that way.'


    The times this has happened to me where I eventually actually find out the reason, is because the guy is already in a relationship, or just starting a relationship, or just getting out of a relationship. It has nothing to do with you, or if you were compatible, or if he enjoyed the date, etc.

    The last time this happened to me, I finally said "yes" to a date with a guy I've known for a few years. I wasn't sure that I liked him at first, but over the years he seemed like a nice, pleasant, and interesting guy. I thought it was a great time, and I was comfortable enough to spend the night since we've known each other for a few years. After the weekend I was a bit miffed and confused that he didn't take the initiative to see me again. Sure enough, a few weeks later, he changed his status on Facebook to "in a relationship". I guess I was just part of his "last hurrah" in enjoying single life. No harm or fowl though, it was just one date.
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 03, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    Well, the reason the first date didn't end up in bed was because he had invited his ex's sister to town for NYE. Ok, I get that. But I still would have found time to sneak in an IM to someone I had just had a good time with. And he was free on the 2nd. She was gone.

    I'm expect he will have a reasonable explanation. Or at least I hope so. icon_wink.gif I want to see him again. I rarely meet guys that really interest me.
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 04, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    False Alarm! ... icon_redface.gif... He has just been busy with a business presentation for tomorrow that has him nervous. He thinks I am "a true find." ... icon_redface.gif... We will chat via phone this evening. ... icon_biggrin.gif

    But the stinker coulda type a message in his phone and said that! ... icon_evil.gif... Making me worry myself into anemia! ... icon_evil.gif...
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 05, 2012 8:24 AM GMT
    Ok, I got snookered. He never called or contacted me any other way.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 05, 2012 9:00 AM GMT
    you're 30. I thought you were 18. That has never happened to me since I was 21. Learn to be a better judge of character and if someone says something that soon it is inapproriately too soon to be real.

    Also many guys on here call hook-ups dates. You did say u would have ended up in bed if his "sister" wasn't over. It sounds like it was a hook up. He didn't get what he wanted and lost interest.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 05, 2012 9:09 AM GMT
    wi2sd saidOr you can go to your favorite mall and pick out the china pattern that you think he may like and have him over to unwrap it the next time you have a "date".

    This is the number 1 answer on this thread!!!.
    Also why I'd never date a typical trite gay man. Drama and this neurotic shit!!!! It was 1 friggin hook-up/date. Take ur meds and ask your therapist what you should do- not RJ.icon_idea.gif We have all heard this crap way too much.
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    Jan 05, 2012 9:18 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    wi2sd saidOr you can go to your favorite mall and pick out the china pattern that you think he may like and have him over to unwrap it the next time you have a "date".

    This is the number 1 answer on this thread!!!.
    Also why I'd never date a typical trite gay man. Drama and this neurotic shit!!!! It was 1 friggin hook-up/date. Take ur meds and ask your therapist what you should do- not RJ.icon_idea.gif We have all heard this crap way too much.


    wow you, sir, are an angry individual lol relax icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 05, 2012 9:25 AM GMT
    ~A Gay Life Lesson from Ariodante ~


    "In the gay dating world you you can go out with someone, have a fantastic time, and have them have a genuinely fantastic time too, and still have them not want to ever see you, call you or text you ever again in their life. Assimilate it. It is what it is.

    ~The End~
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Jan 05, 2012 11:39 AM GMT
    Emotions dont listen to reason. I guess I am just gonna have to live this one thru until my heart gives it up. Not that I have anyone else to move on to anyway. I can seriously say that I havent met anyone in a very long time that made me feel so good just being with him....and I get my share of "hits."

    And for those who see this as a hookup, I guess I havent expressed it well enough. The fact that it would have end up in bed at the end was truly because of how attracted we were to each other.

    Or maybe I am totally delusional, since I havent heard back from him. Oh lordy, I am gonna be as bitter as Mikemikemike when reality smacks me from this one!
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    Jan 05, 2012 11:46 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that you are confused.. welcome to the big club. I've not 'dated' for 9 years so my thoughts on this might be rusty.. but it happened to me so many times even before texts and emails. ...no phone calls, no notes, etc.

    Sometimes, and I mean sometimes MEN DO LIE about what they do for a living, HIV status, what college they went to, etc to get you to 'like' them. We are all a little damaged by society and it takes different paths to get to a mature honest person. Unfortunately some men never get there.

    So your 'date' could have been HIV positive and not told you, had a prison record, bankruptcies, owed exes thousands of dollars, and living on his sister's couch and maxing out his credit cards....

    not exactly easy to have a second date to find out more about him

    Just my 2 cents
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    Jan 05, 2012 11:57 AM GMT
    uh... people... it's been a grand total of 5 days since you had this date and you've written about 6 times in here so far...

    I think you need to get a little perspective. You had a nice date. He claims to have had a good time too. Maybe he's being sincere... maybe he's just being polite and he wasn't really that into you. Only time will tell.

    But just give it time. Keep yourself busy. See friends. Focus on other things. Go out on other dates. I think you're putting a bit too much pressure on this "date". If I were him and knew that you were pining away for him after one date I'd be a bit nervous. Plus some guys just take things slower than others, which is actually very smart. Throw in the fact that maybe he's busy with work, or has an active social life.

    Maybe he's not sitting by his phone 24/7, maybe he left it at home or it wasn't charged one day... really there could be a myriad of reasons why he's not answering you as much as you'd like.

    But my honest advice is to just relax and let things unfold. Try not to think about it too much. If it IS going to work out then it WILL if you give it time. If it is not going to work out, then there is no use in getting worked up about it.

    Best of luck... oh, and keep us posted... but maybe once a week... LOL

    Happy new year all!
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    Jan 05, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    i was going to post a similar situation to this in a new thread, but will post here instead...

    i met a guy almost 2 weeks ago, we saw each other everyday for a week (the joy of holidays), were inseparable, we even crossed the city from different new years venues just to make sure we got our NYE kiss...

    the last time i saw him was 3 days ago, we held hands, kissed on a beachside walk at sunset (his idea), all that jazz, he had someone take our pics on my camera on the condition i would send a copy to him... which i did later that night, i dropped him home, sent him what had become a customary (in a week-LOL) 'thanks for a great time' text which he replied to in the usual manner...

    i returned to work the next day... we spoke that night, nothing appeared different... the next day i texted and asked him to come for dinner... no response... still waiting!

    i'm too old not to know guys can be fickle after a date or two... but this one has be stumped!