I have no gaydar, HELP!!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 7:23 AM GMT
    So I've been going to the same gym for 3 years now. I always liked it, everyone is friendly, I know most of the staff and go there 3-5 times a week. I always noticed its a "family" feel because it is a YMCA. I live in downtown Montreal.

    I never noticed any gay men other than the occasional "whoa those are tight!!" or "wow are those eye brows or wind shield wiper tattoos?!". If there exists a slight sense of normalcy on the gay guy, he passes right under my gaydar and I am completely oblivious.

    I'm not a flaming gay guy, I don't expect all gay men to be flaming for me to notice them and that's my problem. Unless it's really "obvious" they fly right by me. I once looked two guys holding hands in the eye and didn't even notice until my friend told me after.

    I got my friend to join the gym, and in a matter of week this is what he said (roughly):

    "II like the YMCA but there are too many gay guys and it's too cruizy. Everyone is always checking everyone else out and there is this feeling that a porno is about to start! It's ridiculous!!

    That was a complete shock to me. Whenever I workout there I always feel like I'm the only gay guy in the place. In fact, I feel a sense of isolation in all my environments. School, work, gym and such. is this why I'm single?

    WHERE IS MY GAYDAR?!!!
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    Jan 04, 2012 7:25 AM GMT
    When you find out, tell them I want a damn refund cus mine has been completely worthless.
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    Jan 04, 2012 7:31 AM GMT
    Generally, I tend to be oblivious to looks/stares/flirts. But even when guys are staring intensely at me, while I'm working out, I just ignore them. I really get annoyed with the whole flirty eye contact game, especially in the middle of a workout. If you wanna talk, come over and talk to me in between sets. I'm not telepathic. I can't read your naughty thoughts. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 04, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    I'm too Black Metal deep in my ipod to notice people icon_neutral.gif
    sorry I can't help
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    Jan 04, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    hey, guys...here's a bug catcher.

    I think the mentioning of the gym was, in his mind, his most plausible example.

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    Jan 04, 2012 12:11 PM GMT
    Bend over like you're doing in one of your pics and watch for those who stare. icon_lol.gif
  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jan 04, 2012 1:43 PM GMT
    Haha. This thread made me smile. And laugh. It's ok man mine isn't great either :/
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    Same problem here. Plus when I take off my glasses I can't make eye contact icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Mine came bundled with a cloaking shield so they can't see me either. It's perfect!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    who needs gaydar when you've got an iPhone
  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Jan 04, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    zaid88 saidSo I've been going to the same gym for 3 years now. I always liked it, everyone is friendly, I know most of the staff and go there 3-5 times a week. I always noticed its a "family" feel because it is a YMCA. I live in downtown Montreal.

    I never noticed any gay men other than the occasional "whoa those are tight!!" or "wow are those eye brows or wind shield wiper tattoos?!". If there exists a slight sense of normalcy on the gay guy, he passes right under my gaydar and I am completely oblivious.

    I'm not a flaming gay guy, I don't expect all gay men to be flaming for me to notice them and that's my problem. Unless it's really "obvious" they fly right by me. I once looked two guys holding hands in the eye and didn't even notice until my friend told me after.

    I got my friend to join the gym, and in a matter of week this is what he said (roughly):

    "II like the YMCA but there are too many gay guys and it's too cruizy. Everyone is always checking everyone else out and there is this feeling that a porno is about to start! It's ridiculous!!

    That was a complete shock to me. Whenever I workout there I always feel like I'm the only gay guy in the place. In fact, I feel a sense of isolation in all my environments. School, work, gym and such. is this why I'm single?

    WHERE IS MY GAYDAR?!!!


    this needs a picture of your friend either he is way hot or he just jelouse you like it so much and happy there, if he is hot may be he is been getting hit to much and you not getting any, thats my guess.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 04, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    As a YMCA member, I can understand your thinking... just know all YMCA's are not created equal....lol. In Wichita, we have some of the best Y's in the country, but the old (and in the process of being replaced with a new facility) YMCA downtown has long been a gathering spot for gay guys.
    I've actually never been there except when I was a little kid.

    We do have gay guys at any of our facilities, some I now know. But it is also probably filled with younger guys, many who aren't out yet or lack the confidence to venture a stray stare or eye contact. You are in a large city and I'd expect your situation to be a little different than in the middle of
    the United States. Be friendly, be open, have fun. There is no doubt in my mind that your YMCA "offer" some viable candidates for you...lol
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile saidMine came bundled with a cloaking shield so they can't see me either. It's perfect!


    Bummer....but at least you've already got a man!!!!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    I've been going to my school gym for a year now and a half now and my defective gaydar has not detected any gay guys. So I am in a similar boat. Intuitively, I am sure there are some. In my opinion it's probably just better not to have a gaydar at the gym, you'll be too distracted.
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    There are no gay guys at your gym, evidently. Your friend is under a delusion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    Join the club. Mine has a burned out tube. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    I am the same way, mine doesn't work either. I really only notice the flaming gay guys, I am not one either but it seems to be the only guys I notice. The only time I noticed a non-flamer was in high school and he was a friend of mine and I just always new he was gay. When it comes to noticing guys or girls looking at me I never notice it. People always have to tell me that someone was checking me out. I'm oblivious most of the time.
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    Jan 04, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    TriAthInCA said
    njmeanwhile saidMine came bundled with a cloaking shield so they can't see me either. It's perfect!


    Bummer....but at least you've already got a man!!!!icon_biggrin.gif


    Yea, I had an arranged marriage though. If I had to rely on my instincts i'd a'starved to death.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:15 PM GMT
    zaid88 saidWHERE IS MY GAYDAR?!!!

    One hypothesis I have is that the strength of your gaydar is proportional to your need to use it. So that men who live in a very homophobic and gay-repressed community, where many gays are closeted, will have very good gaydar. Whereas men who live in very gay-friendly communities, with openly gay clubs and little or no stigma to being an out man, will have weak gaydar.

    In other words, if gays are obviously out in your community, and gather in known gay bars & clubs, you have little need for gaydar. But if they are hiding and disguising themselves, gaydar is the only way to spot them, and your reliance upon this skill naturally enhances itself in terms of sensitivity & accuracy. But that's just my hypothesis, with no objective research.
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    Your gaydar is in the iPhone apps store, only it's named Grindr.
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    zaid88 saidSo I've been going to the same gym for 3 years now. I always liked it, everyone is friendly, I know most of the staff and go there 3-5 times a week. I always noticed its a "family" feel because it is a YMCA. I live in downtown Montreal.

    I never noticed any gay men other than the occasional "whoa those are tight!!" or "wow are those eye brows or wind shield wiper tattoos?!". If there exists a slight sense of normalcy on the gay guy, he passes right under my gaydar and I am completely oblivious.

    I'm not a flaming gay guy, I don't expect all gay men to be flaming for me to notice them and that's my problem. Unless it's really "obvious" they fly right by me. I once looked two guys holding hands in the eye and didn't even notice until my friend told me after.

    I got my friend to join the gym, and in a matter of week this is what he said (roughly):

    "II like the YMCA but there are too many gay guys and it's too cruizy. Everyone is always checking everyone else out and there is this feeling that a porno is about to start! It's ridiculous!!

    That was a complete shock to me. Whenever I workout there I always feel like I'm the only gay guy in the place. In fact, I feel a sense of isolation in all my environments. School, work, gym and such. is this why I'm single?

    WHERE IS MY GAYDAR?!!!


    I am pretty much the same... even in a gay bar i often feel like i dont see any gays lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    Some people just have it and others don't.

    ...or based on your profile, since you're from Jordan maybe your gaydar is just "set to a different reading" that might be useful for the general Jordan/Arab population, but just off in the Montreal setting?
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    zaid88 saidWHERE IS MY GAYDAR?!!!

    One hypothesis I have is that the strength of your gaydar is proportional to your need to use it. So that men who live in a very homophobic and gay-repressed community, where many gays are closeted, will have very good gaydar. Whereas men who live in very gay-friendly communities, with openly gay clubs and little or no stigma to being an out man, will have weak gaydar.

    In other words, if gays are obviously out in your community, and gather in known gay bars & clubs, you have little need for gaydar. But if they are hiding and disguising themselves, gaydar is the only way to spot them, and your reliance upon this skill naturally enhances itself in terms of sensitivity & accuracy. But that's just my hypothesis, with no objective research.


    Clever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    you're not alone on that, i have no gaydar, i get guys who hit on me and i am completely naive that they were doing it, i don't realize until much later that i was getting hit on
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    Jan 04, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    My gaydar is usually very accurate. However, just last night it finally hit me that a local deputy sheriff is gay. This after we've small talked for four years!