would it be accurate to say most gay guys don't end up in a relationship for various reasons?

  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Jan 04, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    ive been thinking alot and basically i find that most gay guys will nvr find another gay guy they want a relationship with unless they settle. Practically i find it impossible to even meet another gay guy, much less one im attracted to physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. And im not the only one....so is it true most gay guys will never truly find that one guy bc its next to impossible?
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    Jan 05, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    Dude... You're 18. It's a little early to be giving up the ghost on True Love.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Jan 05, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Larkin saidDude... You're 18. It's a little early to be giving up the ghost on True Love.


    EXACTLY
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    Jan 05, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    Lighten up, kiddo. I know, it's a big bad gay world out there and navigating it from the safety of an LTR must seem very attractive. (At least that's what I thought when I came out) Stop looking for love and try to make some (lots) of friends first. Take your hobbies and try to find other gay guys to do them with. Go volunteer at an lgbt group and/or join a gay sports group. And if nothing of that is available where you live, move.
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    Jan 05, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    I don't get involved in relationships, not even friendly ones. And, a large part of it is my fault, I don't get out, but I don't like doing a lot of the things that people my age like to do. I don't like to club/rave, I don't like to drink anything with alcohol in it, I don't gamble, I don't like tats, I don't like piercings, I don't party, I don't go to bars, I don't do any of that shit. It's not like I judge people...I mean if you want to do that, that's your own perogative. Something that is fun for me, is having a nice cup of tea with someone, or having someone over for supper and just talking about anything. Playing a board game is fun. You know, I'm a very simple person, and I enjoy the simple things. I enjoy good, clean fun. Sure, most of the time I am alone, and most of the time I feel alone, but this is what I chose, and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.
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    Jan 05, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    Larkin saidDude... You're 18. It's a little early to be giving up the ghost on True Love.

    Larkin, you da man.
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    Jan 05, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    If you're not quite in college yet, wait until college. If you are in college, just socialize like crazy. You don't even have to have as nice of a body or as cute of a face as you to find tons of guys if you're social.

    I've done pretty good by myself, and I apply myself to the statement involving looks above.

    I may not have found the one yet, but I figure it's bound to happen after I filter through enough guys. It's like a game of chance. Play often enough and you're bound to win eventually.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 05, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    Larkin saidDude... You're 18. It's a little early to be giving up the ghost on True Love.
    LOL what he said
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    Jan 05, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    If you want a meaningful relationship then you gotta work for it. Having a relationship with another man is only impossible if you want it to be. You're 18. Grow and figure some things out first before calling it quits.
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    Jan 05, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidive been thinking alot and basically i find that most gay guys will nvr find another gay guy they want a relationship with unless they settle. Practically i find it impossible to even meet another gay guy, much less one im attracted to physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. And im not the only one....so is it true most gay guys will never truly find that one guy bc its next to impossible?


    Absolutely.

    You are very wise.

    You have lived a rich and full life, have seen the world and everything it is about and have reached a logical conclusion based on your vast life experience.

    You have seen it all

    Nothing left to do now but sit quietly and wait for burial.
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    Jan 05, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    Rogerfederer, If numbskulls like us found each other, so can anyone.

    And they do.

    signed,

    -numbskulls icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 05, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    cookingitsweet said
    Larkin saidDude... You're 18. It's a little early to be giving up the ghost on True Love.


    EXACTLY


    Hahaha! 18 and jaded.
    What will happen is he'll be grumbling along and then...




















    WHAM!
    cupid-and-heart-source_8q2.gif

    Hotness will happen and Cupid's "arrow" is gonna get find it's way into him.
    gay+cupid+valentine+patron+saint+of+gay+


    LURVE with be the result!
    crop_2.jpg



  • socalisurfer

    Posts: 68

    Jan 05, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidIf you want a meaningful relationship then you gotta work for it. Having a relationship with another man is only impossible if you want it to be. You're 18. Grow and figure some things out first before calling it quits.


    Exactly. Grow and figure yourself out first. Best advice I got from a friend while I was going through one really bad breakup is before you love or can make someone else happy, you gotta love and be happy with yourself first.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 05, 2012 7:29 AM GMT
    I know a lot of people have commented on the OP's age, which I do think is a major factor and even more so I think age is a factor for gay men (well, men in general). When you're dealing with two men they might be a bit older before they get to the point in their lives that they want to settle down. But really it can happen at any age. My parents didn't meet until they were 27 and now they've been together over 30 years. On the other hand my sister has been with her husband for 10 years and they got together when she was 16 and he was 17, they dated all through college and got married 3 years ago.
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Jan 05, 2012 7:35 AM GMT
    As I go through life, and wonder about relationships and the chances of finding a good match, I often feel down. Yet, I am an optimist at my core (I just pretend to be a realist). I say this simple phrase:

    "Stranger things do happen."

    And it is very true. I'm 22 and it is ASTOUNDING at how much I have changed and learned from when I was 18. Absolutely astonishing. You might think "it's only 4 years." Think about this; how different are you now, from when you were 14?
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    Jan 05, 2012 7:39 AM GMT
    Cash said
    Nothing left to do now but sit quietly and wait for burial.


    That's mean.

    The humane answer is to tell him to jump into a firey pit and get it over with via cremation.
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    Jan 05, 2012 7:51 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Ariodante said
    Cash said
    Nothing left to do now but sit quietly and wait for burial.


    That's mean.

    The humane answer is to tell him to jump into a firey pit and get it over with via cremation.
    Haha. You said cream...

    Oh, cremation...


    I assure you...he was thinking cream.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 05, 2012 7:51 AM GMT
    Larkin saidDude... You're 18. It's a little early to be giving up the ghost on True Love.

    Survey says......#1 answer.
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    Jan 05, 2012 8:00 AM GMT
    I have this theory about why many gay men stay single. It really breaks into at least four independent forces that work to keep many gay men single.

    Firstly, in part, it's because (for most) legal marriage is not available. Therefore there is less need to take seriously a commitment. Breaking up is infinitely easier than divorcing. The message from society that gay relationships don't matter is both powerful and convenient.

    Second, str8 women really strive to get into a pair relationship...more than men of any orientation. Women are the driving force between formalizing and firming up a singular relationship and absent that influence many men straight would and certainly many gay remain single.

    Third, the one-on-one hetero model of relationships does not work as well for gay men. Perhaps there is something that makes gay men seek more partners, but a friend of mine once said that the best way to view gay men is "in a tribe". The personal relationships may resemble the hetero model, but the sexual behavior is much more dynamic.

    Fourth, there is little current biological endgame for the relationship. For hetero couples...they pair off, have kids and raise them. While there are ways for gay couples to have children, it still is not the norm, or even the expectation. There are innumerable examples of hetero couples who stay together "for the kids". There is no such tying bind for most gay couples.

    Please don't flame me for these observations...I'm certainly not saying they are justified...just that they seem to be real.
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    Jan 05, 2012 8:08 AM GMT
    Cash said
    Trollileo said
    Ariodante said
    Cash said
    Nothing left to do now but sit quietly and wait for burial.


    That's mean.

    The humane answer is to tell him to jump into a firey pit and get it over with via cremation.
    Haha. You said cream...

    Oh, cremation...


    I assure you...he was thinking cream.


    I like when someone else's hand squeezes mine firmly and the cream just dribbles out...

















    imager.php?id=2100811&t=o
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2012 8:22 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidive been thinking alot and basically i find that most gay guys will nvr find another gay guy they want a relationship with unless they settle. Practically i find it impossible to even meet another gay guy, much less one im attracted to physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. And im not the only one....so is it true most gay guys will never truly find that one guy bc its next to impossible?


    haha c'mon man you're young no need to be jaded...
    as for gay men not meeting others... not true. You don't have to settle you just have to be realistic.
    If it makes you feel any better I do know that gay men are more monogamous now than ever before. Apparently in the 1970's 83% of gay men cheated on their partners and in the new millennium it's only 59%... so take comfort in knowing that as being gay becomes more accepted the rate of monogamy is apparently increasing.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 05, 2012 9:13 AM GMT
    rogerfederer,
    In my own humble opinion, this is true, though it's irrelevant whether you're gay or not. This is true of all human beings in general.

    We all have in our imaginations that perfect other partner in a relationship, but even the vast power of our imagination is unable to encompass the entirety of another person, so there will always be something about someone else we are less than thrilled about. In fact, there will probably always be something about ourselves that we are less than thrilled about, so how can we not accept that in another person.

    AND even if we somehow find a candidate who fits a vast list of desirable qualities, we all change. We age and we have experiences and we have good and bad days, and our likes change, and what I found desirable at 20 is not what I wanted at 25.

    If I can give you one tip, it's that a certain degree of positive attitude, enthusiasm about the future, and general caring about other people goes a lot further toward attracting "relationship-quality" partners than the opposite of these characteristics.
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    Jan 05, 2012 9:26 AM GMT
    Jaken saidI don't get involved in relationships, not even friendly ones. And, a large part of it is my fault, I don't get out, but I don't like doing a lot of the things that people my age like to do. I don't like to club/rave, I don't like to drink anything with alcohol in it, I don't gamble, I don't like tats, I don't like piercings, I don't party, I don't go to bars, I don't do any of that shit. It's not like I judge people...I mean if you want to do that, that's your own perogative. Something that is fun for me, is having a nice cup of tea with someone, or having someone over for supper and just talking about anything. Playing a board game is fun. You know, I'm a very simple person, and I enjoy the simple things. I enjoy good, clean fun. Sure, most of the time I am alone, and most of the time I feel alone, but this is what I chose, and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.


    Hey new guy. I think I like you more and more with each post you make.

    I used to be exactly like you - still am in most of the things you described, but darn, I did just get a tattoo, so I guess we can't be friends. Bad luck for me...
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    Jan 05, 2012 10:03 AM GMT
    rogerfederer saidive been thinking alot and basically i find that most gay guys will nvr find another gay guy they want a relationship with unless they settle. Practically i find it impossible to even meet another gay guy, much less one im attracted to physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. And im not the only one....so is it true most gay guys will never truly find that one guy bc its next to impossible?





    I used to think that way until I met my boyfriend, here I am, we are going on 12 years now.

    Couple years ago, we met couple in Florida, they were celebrating their 30 yrs. Anniversary, I asked them what was their secret and how they met. They told me, they met at bus stop station (they were 18 and 19 year old) by age 20 they moved in together and they still together for 30 years.
    There is no secret in any relationship. You could ask you parents and any other people are in relationship.

    Many gay men feel that gays or gay relationship are not valued in society. Many of us may face rejection from their families, harassment at schools, and disrespect from the general community. In return, these issues diminish the gay people positive feelings about themselves and about their relationship.

    How we could look at gay relationship as normal if society refers us as pervert or rapist?

    I hope that make sense, its 5 am here I need to go to work also English is my 4th language.

    Don’t give up and don’t look to hard when it time comes you will find the right now without even you know it
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 05, 2012 11:22 AM GMT
    doubleyou said
    drypin saidrogerfederer,
    In my own humble opinion, this is true, though it's irrelevant whether you're gay or not. This is true of all human beings in general.


    Responses like this are terrible. He is gay and he is talking about gay men on a gay site. It's got nothing to do with all human beings. There are certain things that are absolutely specific to gay men and relationships, and that needs to be acknowledged. Don't try to gloss over it.


    LOL! We can see that you've mastered the art of giving feedback yourself. Thank you for this elucidating example.