Dating when under 21

  • youngblond888

    Posts: 11

    Jun 19, 2008 11:14 AM GMT
    I am 19 and I find it impossible to find guys under 21 who are not online. so my question is: WHERE DO I FIND THESE GUYS IN THE REAL WORLD?!?!

    also I am interested in knowing what is the best way to hit on a guy? not some older guy who just wants to fuck me but someone my age that also wants a lasting relationship. aka I dont want a one night stand, i want a bf.

    also I am new to the whole shave/ trim/ hairy/ wax. What do guys under 21 prefer?

    thanks guys! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 19, 2008 11:23 AM GMT
    Well since you are under 21 you can't go to a bar (the US is in the dark ages in this regard, in Canada it is 19).

    Any gay youth organizations near where you live? A place where you can TALK to guys your own age so you can get to know them. I would suggest gay sports clubs but they often do not attract guys your age.

    Although the internet can be a place to hook-up, there must be some 19-20 year old guys that want to have more than just sex!

    As for your second question, I will leave that to others, I have strong opinions about going au naturel. No shaving or waxing for this hairy chested guy.
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    Jun 19, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    Dude, you wanna seriously date at this age??? Seriously, DON'T!! Just have fun and work on you!!
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    Jun 19, 2008 2:59 PM GMT
    you could call my ex-boyfriend. Apparently, he is very interested in 19 year olds now... Oh shit did I say that?icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 19, 2008 3:09 PM GMT
    A few problems. First, you are 19. Your peers, for the most part, are not interested in long lasting relationships. Oh they might say they are and may genuinely believe that is what they want, but what they really want is to date, have sex, and play the game. Second, if you are interested in a long lasting relationship, why limit your pool of men to guys under 21?

    My suggestion, if you honestly think you want a long lasting relationship, go out with a guy ten years older than you. Chances are they will be more mature and LTR material.

    Best of luck.
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    Jun 19, 2008 3:16 PM GMT
    DUDE... you can take the kinderqueers who all hit on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess they think im a babysitter or something!!!!!!!

    My rule... if you can buy booze and didnt vote in the last presidential election, get thee gone!
  • gingerstrap

    Posts: 78

    Jun 19, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    No one has given you very good advice so far (in my opinion). I'd say get involved in some gay organizations or try going to some clubs that let 18 and ups in. And don't believe those guys who say no one at that age is looking for a relationship. I met my bf when he was 18 and I was 20 and we have been together for almost 5 years. We met at a small conservative college in Indiana, so if I can find a boy there you can find one anywhere. I do know that I found him when I stopped looking and stopped worrying about finding someone, which is hard to do. Hope that helps a little or gives you hope.


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    Jun 19, 2008 4:03 PM GMT
    Dude honestly hold off on the dating..... you are young(as am I). Enjoy these years....in my opinion dating comes with maturity...... The reason you dont find guys under 21 online etc is because they are out living life with their buds etc. Trust me i was the same way icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 19, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    Well I think that some people here are confusing "dating" with a "relationship" -- you can date any number of people, but are (traditionally-speaking) only in a relationship with one person.

    The problem is, for both you and any potential bf your age, is that you are of an age where what you want at 19 may not be what you want at 20, that may not be what you want at 25 (personally and/or professionally). You're still young, so don't put pressure on yourself to become part of a couple. Get involved in things you are interested in (sports, hobbies, volunteer work, etc.) and you will in turn become interesting (not that you may not already be) to people who are potential datemates (amongst whom there may be a potential bf).

    Remember -- a man should not COMPLETE your life, but should COMPLIMENT your life.
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    Jun 19, 2008 5:17 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidMy suggestion, if you honestly think you want a long lasting relationship, go out with a guy ten years older than you. Chances are they will be more mature and LTR material.


    It's a decently better chance, but it's no guarantee. Believe me, I've always dated older than myself (with, I believe the single execption being six months younger than I am) and I've found that age sometimes doesn't really make a positive difference. This specially true when you have someone who is older and set in his ways and believes they know where they stand, when really they don't. People tend become much more inflexible as they become older (well, not everyone) and sometimes that can be the undoing of a relationship.

    I dated someone 13 years my senior earlier this year and it didn't work out because he thought he was always right and I was always wrong, because I was younger. It doesn't work that way. It was specially frustrating because no matter the age difference, it's always going to be a case where I'll know things the other person doesn't and vice versa...and whenever I knew he was wrong he just refused to even so much as listen to me because "he knew better."

    I also don't see what is wrong with the original poster wanting a relationship and people here saying that he shouldn't go for one. Whether or not we like to admit it, there is a lot of growing to be done through our contacts with other people, specially through relationships. If he feels he wants to be in one, then by all means he should go for it. Even if, by chance, he wasn't ready or mature enough for it (keyword being "if"), he would still do a lot of learning about himself and about his inner needs at this given time.

    Sometimes it takes us jumping into a challenge or a situation to realize that we're not ready for it and that the best thing to do is to walk away and then return when we feel the time is right.
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    Jun 19, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    Kharlo,

    100% not guarantee. There are men in their 50's who are less mature than men in their 20's. But I still think he should cast his net a little wider than under 21 and looking for a LTR.
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    Jun 19, 2008 6:31 PM GMT
    I think he should live it up and not worry about dating at such a young age. You have your whole life to do that. Best advice I give is for you to get what needs to be gotten and develop yourself before worrying about wanting to be with someone.

    Besides, I think you can hold for 2 more years and as soon as you hit 21 you won't know what to do with yourself. LOL. Have some fun and don't worry too much about the whole dating thing. Trust me when I say that a cutie like you will be having all sorts of opportunities and possibilities in the very near future.
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    Jun 19, 2008 6:35 PM GMT
    mm, just places where gay guys congregate? the mall perhaps? otherwise in my experience grocery stores are full of gay guys.
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    Jun 19, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidKharlo,

    100% not guarantee. There are men in their 50's who are less mature than men in their 20's. But I still think he should cast his net a little wider than under 21 and looking for a LTR.


    I do agree with you that he should cast his net a bit wider and not worry to much about age difference unless it's something massive.
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    Jun 19, 2008 7:01 PM GMT
    Look kharlo, can we just agree to agree? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2008 7:03 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidLook kharlo, can we just agree to agree? icon_biggrin.gif


    Absolutely not! *Angry face!*

    Ha, ha! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2008 7:08 PM GMT
    Well I must admit when I was 19 or 20 I was not looking at anybody beyond 20 or 21. Some guys are like that. I was too immature to handle a 25+ year old and would not have been able to relate to him. So I can understand youngblond888's preference for someone around his age.

    As for dating or not dating at such a young age, again it depends on the individual. Some guys want a LTR, others want to sow their wild oats. I have never seen an instruction manual for gay relationships. They are not like a piece of furniture from IKEA you have to put together.

    If you are 19 or 20 and want to find Mr. Right, then more power to you. If you actually meet someone and fall in love, and he reciprocates, then don't automatically think "I am too young, I should meet more people". He might be the last good relationship you have!
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    Jun 19, 2008 7:46 PM GMT
    In my limited experience in this world (being only 19 myself), I have found that if you simply go about your daily life in a confident, reasonably carefree way, then good things will happen ;)

    And guys under 21 are attracted to the same thing guys over 21 are attracted to; various different things.

    I'm sure you'll find someone, but it isn't always easy. Good luck! icon_smile.gif
  • Hellojawh

    Posts: 26

    Jul 07, 2008 12:01 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]JDB_REMIX said[/cite] the mall perhaps? i have been to the mall soooooooooooooo many times and yet to meet anyone. im on the same boat.. i cant find anyone and it sucks.. idk where to find these "organizations" either. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2008 12:41 AM GMT
    i wouldn't advise against dating- i did all through highschool and it was frustrating- but i've learned a lot and feel ahead of the game :p it was lonely- even more so than average gay life experience lol- but you'll find guys through school- especially if you're on a sports team or something. i did varsity gymnastics and there were a lot of cute gay kids in that that i'd meet from other nearby schools. just be involved- maybe start a GSA at your school? more and more guys are coming out at younger ages now too- so there should be options out there. just don't get caught up in clubs the like- you don't want to get cut up and jaded so soon... just be yourself and hold true to your standards.
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    Jul 07, 2008 4:42 PM GMT
    Dating in general can be difficult and frustrating, no matter how old you are. Though I find that the people that get the most frustrated are the ones who are extreme about it. They put so much emphasis on finding someone that when/if it doesn't work out, or work the way they want or expect - they're disappointed.

    It's been my experience that an LTR at your age is somewhat unrealistic. Others (fleeting few) have had different experiences, and found it to be possible.

    Here's the constant factor.... ANYTHING is possible. You could meet the love of your life tomorrow, or not until you're much older. Either way, every day is an chance to grow. Experience new things.

    I've seen people respond saying not to date... I would say just don't get too serious about it (in the beginning). If you happen to meet someone and things go well for a time, then you can start thinking in more serious terms.

    For now, my advice would be to keep things light and fun. Concentrate on building a strong social circle of friends. You're going to need/want them.

    Where do I find these guys in the real world? - Unfortunately there's no exact answer to this. So if you're looking to cast a net... cast it wide. Try different things. Do you play sports? See if there's a gay/gay friendly league in your area. Clubs/bars work for some people, though I personally only find them fun when I'm with a group of friends. And don't be so fast to discount the internet either, a lot of guys have met on different types of sites (some better than others) like this one. Use your brain if you do... there are a lot of scary/dishonest people out there. And most importantly... through friends!

    How to hit on a guy?... hmmmm, I'm by no means an expert in any way but here goes - my experience would be to just start talking lol. Really when you think about it, that's the toughest part right? Approaching someone. Start by just introducing yourself. From there just think of topics of conversation and let the conversation flow. Things like music, movies, school, work, interests (anything really). From that you may find you have a lot in common, or nothing at all. If you're finding that you have similar interests - propose to enjoy one of them together. I dunno, maybe you both like sports... invite him to go to a game sometime or something. If the chemistry is there and he's as interested as you - it will be a breeze and happen very naturally. If it doesn't... well then either you move on or have made a friend in the process.

    shave/trim/hairy/wax... to be perfectly honest, this is something that you're going to have to figure out on your own. And when I say that, I mean what YOU like YOUR body to be. Guys out there have so many different expectations/preferences with things like this. The truth is you never really know what someone likes until you're with them. (Unless it has been discussed beforehand). I am not a fan of body hair, personally. I don't really like it on me, or the person I'm dating (a little is fine). But that's just me. I know people who's motto is "the furrier the better". While it sends shivers down my spine, it works for them. For now, I would say keep things clean and trim. Don't go all bald eagle unless you really like it or are just incredibly bored one day and want to know what it's like (moisturize if you do icon_wink.gif )


    Go out, have fun, make friends, date - enjoy it (be safe). EVERY relationship you have, whether it be a friend, lover, boyfriend... is going to contribute to who you are (and you to them). Both good and bad. Remember that.
  • TRASHxIT

    Posts: 10

    Jul 07, 2008 5:16 PM GMT
    Living in the United States really blows if you're under 21 and you want to find someone. Its so difficult unless you can get into bars and shit. I'm 19 and I have only been in a few relationships, all of which I feel are complete bullshit. I am looking for something sincere!
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    Aug 09, 2008 3:27 AM GMT
    If you still going to school (college) you may want to get involved with some athletic team. Wrestling might be something to look into.

    If your not still going to school, look at the site www.outsports.com. You can do a search by geographic location and find some sports clubs. Only thing is that the age level of guys on the teams is probably pretty diverse, not just guys in the are range your lookin for.

    Good Luck
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    Aug 09, 2008 5:09 AM GMT
    Is there such a thing as gay dating under 21?

    I thought it was "jerk jerk* "ok I am done now... thx byeee"

    :-)
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    Aug 09, 2008 5:10 AM GMT
    I have the same frustration with you so I can't really help, but on your last question, as a 19 year old I like it hairy or trimmed hehehe..