Do gay men tend to read too much into another guy's actions ?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 06, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    detective_magnifying_glass_lg_clr.gif

    I believe that people are a lot less complicated than you give them credit for – what complicates people are your perceptions of what you think they’re doing and not accepting the simple actions of their friendship or character.

    Any thoughts...?
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 06, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    I can't say for all but I sometimes definately read a bit too much into other guys actions. If a guy does something nice like hold the door open for me or say hi and smile I start wondering if he's into me and then I see him with a gal later on lol. I'm just hopeless =p
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    Jan 06, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    If a guy compliments me, and I like him, then I tend to read too much into it.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:52 PM GMT
    RIGuy60 saidIf a guy compliments me, and I like him, then I tend to read too much into it.

    Exactly! The story of my life.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 06, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    Oh hell yes. I really do think so. And when it comes to dating then there are landmines all over the damn place.

    It's hard not to read too much into others' actions.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    Because they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    Guys who read deeply into other people's actions are the same guys playing relationship games that you - tada! - have to read deeply in order to interpret.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 06, 2012 6:10 PM GMT
    Larkin saidBecause they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    Guys who read deeply into other people's actions are the same guys playing relationship games that you - tada! - have to read deeply in order to interpret.


    Don't you think your first claim is a bit too harsh and a bit of a generalization?

    I am a secure and confident person but I am definitely one of those analytical types.
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:17 PM GMT
    sbwlguy said
    Larkin saidBecause they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    Guys who read deeply into other people's actions are the same guys playing relationship games that you - tada! - have to read deeply in order to interpret.


    Don't you think your first claim is a bit too harsh and a bit of a generalization?

    I am a secure and confident person but I am definitely one of those analytical types.


    Why do you think you're analyzing? What are you hoping to learn?

    It seems to me that going out of your way in analyzing someone's actions - basically admitting that they're being untrue or false to your face and expect you to dig something out of them - is a way of feeding codependent behavior, both in them and in you. By reading deeply into someone's behavior to find some secret meaning, one of two things happens. Either 1) you're the crazy girl making things up instead of just asking the guy what he means or 2) he's the crazy girl playing relationship games and demanding you consult star charts to find out what they really, really mean.

    The best mode of behavior is always just to say what you mean and mean what you say. If someone does something, take them at face value. If you think they're being duplicitous, just ask them.
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    T4W
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 06, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    Well, human nature and why people do the things they do interests me a lot. I guess that's why I have two degrees in psychology. I also don't think there is any shame in admitting to being an analytical type. It can be an interesting and positive experience. It doesn't necessarily have to be a case of "why oh why is he/she doing that?!"

    Anyway, that's just me.
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    sbwlguy said
    Larkin saidBecause they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    Guys who read deeply into other people's actions are the same guys playing relationship games that you - tada! - have to read deeply in order to interpret.


    Don't you think your first claim is a bit too harsh and a bit of a generalization?

    I am a secure and confident person but I am definitely one of those analytical types.


    Why do you think you're analyzing? What are you hoping to learn?

    It seems to me that going out of your way in analyzing someone's actions - basically admitting that they're being untrue or false to your face and expect you to dig something out of them - is a way of feeding codependent behavior, both in them and in you. By reading deeply into someone's behavior to find some secret meaning, one of two things happens. Either 1) you're the crazy girl making things up instead of just asking the guy what he means or 2) he's the crazy girl playing relationship games and demanding you consult star charts to find out what they really, really mean.

    The best mode of behavior is always just to say what you mean and mean what you say. If someone does something, take them at face value. If you think they're being duplicitous, just ask them.


    Yea but I dont think people are being duplicitous, like "Oh I like this guy but Im gonna pretend to not like him so he will like me more." but "Oh he wants to hang out with me this day, does this mean he likes likes me or does he just like me as a friend?"

    Either way, I think you are reading way to much into this Larkin...
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 06, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Larkin said
    sbwlguy said
    Larkin saidBecause they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    Guys who read deeply into other people's actions are the same guys playing relationship games that you - tada! - have to read deeply in order to interpret.


    Don't you think your first claim is a bit too harsh and a bit of a generalization?

    I am a secure and confident person but I am definitely one of those analytical types.


    Why do you think you're analyzing? What are you hoping to learn?

    It seems to me that going out of your way in analyzing someone's actions - basically admitting that they're being untrue or false to your face and expect you to dig something out of them - is a way of feeding codependent behavior, both in them and in you. By reading deeply into someone's behavior to find some secret meaning, one of two things happens. Either 1) you're the crazy girl making things up instead of just asking the guy what he means or 2) he's the crazy girl playing relationship games and demanding you consult star charts to find out what they really, really mean.

    The best mode of behavior is always just to say what you mean and mean what you say. If someone does something, take them at face value. If you think they're being duplicitous, just ask them.


    Yea but I dont think people are being duplicitous, like "Oh I like this guy but Im gonna pretend to not like him so he will like me more." but "Oh he wants to hang out with me this day, does this mean he likes likes me or does he just like me as a friend?"

    Either way, I think you are reading way to much into this Larkin...


    icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    lol I really couldnt help myself with that one!
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Either way, I think you are reading way to much into this Larkin...


    Does that mean you don't like me? icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    I hope you respond... or not... I'm not sure. Is that weird if I respond again?
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    Chainers said
    Larkin said
    sbwlguy said
    Larkin saidBecause they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    Guys who read deeply into other people's actions are the same guys playing relationship games that you - tada! - have to read deeply in order to interpret.


    Don't you think your first claim is a bit too harsh and a bit of a generalization?

    I am a secure and confident person but I am definitely one of those analytical types.


    Why do you think you're analyzing? What are you hoping to learn?

    It seems to me that going out of your way in analyzing someone's actions - basically admitting that they're being untrue or false to your face and expect you to dig something out of them - is a way of feeding codependent behavior, both in them and in you. By reading deeply into someone's behavior to find some secret meaning, one of two things happens. Either 1) you're the crazy girl making things up instead of just asking the guy what he means or 2) he's the crazy girl playing relationship games and demanding you consult star charts to find out what they really, really mean.

    The best mode of behavior is always just to say what you mean and mean what you say. If someone does something, take them at face value. If you think they're being duplicitous, just ask them.


    Yea but I dont think people are being duplicitous, like "Oh I like this guy but Im gonna pretend to not like him so he will like me more." but "Oh he wants to hang out with me this day, does this mean he likes likes me or does he just like me as a friend?"

    Either way, I think you are reading way to much into this Larkin...


    Does that mean you don't like me? icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    I hope you respond... or not... I'm not sure. Is that weird if I respond again?


    It means I like you. Now you gotta analyze that to see if I like you like you, or if I just like you.

    If you play hard to get, I may like like you and not just like you like you.
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    Can we just skip the talk and go to teh hawt sex?

    Was that too forward? OMG I shoudn't have said anything. Or maybe you like that? What do I do!?
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    Larkin saidCan we just skip the talk and go to teh hawt sex?

    Was that too forward? OMG I shoudn't have said anything. Or maybe you like that? What do I do!?


    so...I think I know what you are saying...you just want to be friends right?
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Larkin saidCan we just skip the talk and go to teh hawt sex?

    Was that too forward? OMG I shoudn't have said anything. Or maybe you like that? What do I do!?


    so...I think I know what you are saying...you just want to be friends right?


    Yes. Friends... but also like "friends".
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    Chainers said
    Larkin saidCan we just skip the talk and go to teh hawt sex?

    Was that too forward? OMG I shoudn't have said anything. Or maybe you like that? What do I do!?


    so...I think I know what you are saying...you just want to be friends right?


    Yes. Friends... but also like "friends".


    You mean like like friends or like me like me friends?

    Or friends with the like like attached at the end?
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    Larkin saidBecause they're insecure and codependent... and they project.

    That may be true if you're the type who takes even the slighest sign of interest or friendly gesture and blows it all out of proportion , but I agree with the above that you're making a rather harsh generalization.

    If you like the guy a lot that kind of clouds your judgement, at least until you come to your senses and realize he's just being friendly and polite.
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    and to answer the OP as opposed to just derailing the thread, I normally dont care and figure that things will work their way around in the end, but if I get high and like someone I start to get all paranoid :-).
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 06, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    Chainers saidand to answer the OP as opposed to just derailing the thread, I normally dont care and figure that things will work their way around in the end, but if I get high and like someone I start to get all paranoid :-).


    No offense taken my handsome friend.....icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 06, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    sweetyork said
    RIGuy60 saidIf a guy compliments me, and I like him, then I tend to read too much into it.

    Exactly! The story of my life.

    Me too!
    But I've gotten to a point where I drove away a friend cuz of that AND ruffling some guy's military feathers that I just tend to ignore any "signs" and I have come to accept that love will never come my way! icon_cry.gif
    But meh, it will someday. Maybe I'm just too young, not looking at the right places, blah blah blah... yea, I've heard it all before...
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    Jan 06, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    Yeah....I really need to stop doing that.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 06, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    ry77no said
    But I've gotten to a point where I drove away a friend cuz of that AND ruffling some guy's military feathers that I just tend to ignore any "signs" and I have come to accept that love will never come my way! icon_cry.gif
    But meh, it will someday. Maybe I'm just too young, not looking at the right places, blah blah blah... yea, I've heard it all before...



    Well, first I think you have to have a "friendship"....then the "like" part comes into being if it happens...and then "love".....even though I do know "love at first sight " happens.....I think it's all too rare in a general sense. icon_wink.gif