Another post about heterosexual infatuation... Advice please.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    I have had a crush on my best friend for a few years now. I don't know how I have allowed it to consume me. I even allowed it to compromise relationships with guys in the past. He is heterosexual and is incapable of being aroused by men, according to him.

    He recently moved in with me and we are sharing a room( separate beds of course ). He is an eccentric but very sweet and caring person. We are currently hopelessly codependent on one another. He describes himself as "a tail wagging puppy" waiting for me to get home.

    We have always been very honest with each other, and talk about everything including all the gross sex stuff.

    Since we have started to share a room... I have found myself becoming even more attracted to him then before. I am having a lot of trouble not fantasizing about him constantly. Just smelling his dirty clothes gets me off... On top of sharing a room, he gets off on showing off his naked body to me. He knows how much it arouses me so I pretty much wake up to him shaking around his morning wood/mooning me everyday. The other day he asked me to bring him a banana, and he was hiding under his covers... I return and lift the covers and he has his ass cheeks spread in my face. Just talking about it excited me... Which is pathetic I know.

    We have never messed around... Except a few times when he first started showing off he just barely would let me feel him up(while drunk). Anyways... He knows that I am borderline obsessed with him. Right now we are at a point where he manipulates me to do things for him and I typically obey him because he gives me little shows. He is not a mooch financially... He pays for most of my meals and is generous with money. We both haven't dated in years and we are in our mid twenties.

    It's really hard to sleep in the same room with someone who you find so fucking beautiful. I love that he shares his body with me, even enough to just admire it in all it's beauty... But I feel like I allow myself to get way too aroused. I feel like our friendship would be healthier if I wasn't worried about seeing his dick every 5 seconds. At the same time I don't want it to end. I accept that it will never be a real relationship. I don't want to ruin our friendship, our friendship is sacred and was never about sex or infatuation until he moved in with me. I just need advice... Post is getting too long forgive me.
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    Jan 06, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    Your friend isn't straight.
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    Jan 06, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Nothing about how you described your friend sounded straight to me. It's either how you're presenting it, he's on that gay/straight cusp afraid to take the next step, or this is just a bs fantasy that you made up.
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    Jan 06, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    You are the exception to the rule.
    He will confess his love and you will live happily ever after.
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    Jan 06, 2012 3:48 PM GMT
    You both seem very confused about different things.
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    Dude you need to move out. Your friend is torturing you. Maybe he'll comes around, but some of us take years to do so. Go find a man that can be with you. Who knows maybe if your friend realizes he is going to lose you, he'll come around sooner. But do yourself a favor and move out!
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    let me keep my mouth shuicon_neutral.gift
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    I am not making anything up. My description of him depicts him as seemingly gay based only on my wishful thinking... He has had girlfriends in the past, but has social anxiety so has been single and alone since his last breakup about three years ago. I have been single and not dating for a year and a half.

    So... Part of his voyeurism is that he gets off on the attention... He would have hooked up with fat chicks in the past if he allowed himself too. I feel like a lot of him teasing me is out of boredom, curiousity, or confusion.

    I have considered that he may be deeply closeted or unaware of the fact that he is gay. It is possible he is simply not attracted to me... I don't think any of that is the case. I want to believe he isn't gay at all. He looks at straight porn and has only ever fucked women. We pretty much spend most if the day together, and when he moved here I got him work so we also work together.

    He is underweight so he has body image issues... That could also be why he relishes any attention to his sexuality. Sometimes I feel as though I am mothering him... And he doesn't believe that anyone else will find him as attractive as I do. He is funny...hilarious. All my friends and roomates love him and are trying to encourage him to write and pursue comedy. He is very sweet, so considerate to my feelings and we have a long history of being unconditional friends. I consider it a privilege to live with him... Even though it is dysfunctional.

    And no he will not confess his love to me... I guess I need to try harder to find him a gf. He needs a petite girl as he only weighs 120 pounds and is very inactive physically when he isn't working.

    Usually when he is showing off to me and teasing me it's because he wants me to do something for him around the apartment... So I don't know who is manipulating who.


    Before he moved here, we talked on the phone everyday for hours... But now that he is here living with me we spend a lot of time together. If we aren't working or going out at night, we stay in wait for roomates to go to sleep... Watch movies while his dick is out. At first it was just occasionally, now he is pretty much pulling his pants down whenever someone leaves the room. So our friendship wasn't about hanging out with our dicks out before. Mind you he is not Interested in seeing my junk. I so often want to touch him but he is not always ok with it. Sometimes he is slapping me with his dick and other times he won't want me to hug him. He also likes to masturbate in my bed and tell me about it. He also invites me to lie in bed with him which I love to do. He says he feels gay jerking off in front of me or showing me his ass, but he will do it anyways to appease me if he is in a good mood.

    So I guess I am trying to ask you guys is. What is appropriate? He is my best friend and I don't want to lose him. I love the fact that I get to see him naked everyday but it's also very hard to share a room with someone who makes you want to jerk it five times a day or more. I feel like he will be offended or ashamed if I tell him that he is turning me on too much.

    I
    I wish he were gay and it was meant to be but that is not the case. Please no more posts about us living happily ever after because it's mean and relatively unfunny.
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    Sorry for the wall of text but... I live with my brother. He is very overbearing and would kick my friend out if he knew this was going on. I don't have many gay friends at all. I have only ever met gays that wanna hook up or gays that want nothing to do with me. I've been out fir about three years and only had one relationship that lasted a little less than a year.

    Basically what I am saying is there are not many people in my life that I can discuss this with... Especially because the nature of my friendship needs to be discreet for his sake. He would feel very embarrassed (at least initially) if our circle of friends/ roomates knew this was going on.

  • Jan 06, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    RIGuy60 saidYour friend isn't straight.


    +1
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jan 06, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidYou are the exception to the rule.
    He will confess his love and you will live happily ever after.

    i_see_what_you_did_there.jpg
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidDude you need to move out. Your friend is torturing you. Maybe he'll comes around, but some of us take years to do so. Go find a man that can be with you. Who knows maybe if your friend realizes he is going to lose you, he'll come around sooner. But do yourself a favor and move out!


    He hasn't even lived here six months... We are in NYC so it's not to move nor is it easy to find a new place. I invited him here to live with me bc be wanted to get out of the South he just graduated from college. He is also financially stable and I need roomates who are financially stable. I live in a four bed room apartment and have had 4 people move out in a year and a half of living here.
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    It seems to me that his social anxiety is because he is questioning his identity. I agree that you should remove yourself from this situation for a while. Then either you will fund out he genuinely loves you or not. You are so wrapped up right now that you can't possibly see things for what they are good or bad. You need some distance and perspective.
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:38 PM GMT


    RJers:


    Yet another preposterously detailed "what do I do ??" scenario posted by a phantom who created a blank profile today.

    This is out of control. icon_evil.gif

    PM8

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]onaquest said[/cite]It seems to me that his social anxiety is because he is questioning his identity. I agree that you should remove yourself from this situation for a while. Then either you will fund out he genuinely loves you or not. You are so wrapped up right now that you can't possibly see things for what they are good or bad. You need some distance and perspective.[/quote


    You are so right... How do I remove myself from said situation if said person is my best friend and sharing a room with me? He doesn't have a lot of friends... And he will often try to persuade me to spend time with him alone vs going out with friends or meeting new people. I feel like he is seducing me and bossing me around, it's sick but I get off on it and he knows that. Sigh. I'm hopeless. I should be out picking up dudes. Shouldn't we all?
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    PHLmuscle8 said

    RJers:


    Yet another preposterously detailed "what do I do ??" scenario posted by a phantom who created a blank profile today.

    This is out of control. icon_evil.gif

    PM8



    I have never posted on a forum about a personal problem before. I guess I need to go to a support group for coodependency or something. Is it such a bad thing that I made an account to shoot the shit about a problem? Are you implying that I have some alterior motive in making this post? I'm not THAT sad... Am I already being trolled? Haven't slept... Oversensitive right now.
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    Jan 06, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Neither of you is doing either any favors by living this way. He's seems like just a fantasy for you. You say a 'friend' but really it's just that you want him as a friend so you can continue to fantasize about him!

    If he's really a friend, then tell him no more nudity, conversations, or references (verbal or physical) to sex, anatomical parts or desires.

    If he's a friend he'll oblige you and you can stop the fantasizing and get a real life, find someone that has an emotional connection and really be in love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    Wafflecopter said
    PHLmuscle8 said

    RJers:


    Yet another preposterously detailed "what do I do ??" scenario posted by a phantom who created a blank profile today.

    This is out of control. icon_evil.gif

    PM8



    I have never posted on a forum about a personal problem before. I guess I need to go to a support group for coodependency or something. Is it such a bad thing that I made an account to shoot the shit about a problem? Are you implying that I have some alterior motive in making this post? I'm not THAT sad... Am I already being trolled? Haven't slept... Oversensitive right now.



    LOL There is nothing here to troll.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:06 PM GMT
    Haha ok, I misunderstood.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    I don't believe any of it, sorry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    Let it go man, unless you are going to become a hot chick overnight you have no chance with him so find a gay guy to date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    This is fake or your friend isn't straight.
  • Rolland

    Posts: 45

    Jan 06, 2012 5:47 PM GMT
    This is so romantic omg I really think you should tell him how you feel and be completely honest, if he rejects you and doesn't want to be in a relationship with you ask him to stop teasing you and explain how much it's hurting you if he cares about you like I think he does ( platonic or otherwise ) then he will stop... Or icon_redface.gif you'll get a BF! Yay!
  • andres_1987

    Posts: 36

    Jan 06, 2012 6:10 PM GMT
    I think exactly the same. Speak to him because this relationship is hurting you, thinnks are gonna be strange for the first couple of weeks but if he is truly your friend the he's gonna to understand you and support you.

    plz tell us if you do it.
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    Jan 06, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    You're fulfilling a need for each other but it does not sound healthy at all. Neither one of you is pursuing appropriate partners, and by teasing you he is feeding the irrational idea that this is going to become a physical relationship, even though out of the other side of his mouth he's telling you it will not.

    You live in the largest metropolitan area on earth. There has to be an appropriate person for each of you to date, but your obsession for each other is keeping that from happening. He's obsessed with you, too... with the power he has over you by swinging his dick around. There are outlets for exhibitionism that don't entail toying with your best friend's emotions. You're just making it too easy for him.

    You need to tell this guy to keep his clothes on around you if he doesn't plan to seal the deal. True friends don't tease each other with things they don't plan to share... if it was once in a while it would be one thing but it's obvious he's getting off on torturing you. So drag him out of the house, go make some friends, and you both win. If he won't go with you, go yourself. ID something you like to do, and figure out who around you is doing it too. If you can't change your living situation, you can at least cut back on the amount of time you are spent alone in your room with him teasing you.