WHERE does one go to meet "dateable" gay guys/

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 07, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    after devoting almost 4 years of my life to the ex; I'm slowly starting to look around and see who is available out there.

    where does one go in 2012 to meet gay guys?

    please don't say grindr or gay.com!

    i am not necessarily looking for a hook up (in this New Orleans gayborhood even an average looking, over 40 guy like me can get laid if he wants to).

    I'm not really much of a bar person, sitting on a bars stool, inhaling second/third/fourth hand cigarette smoke, exchanging mindless, surface chatter/patter while getting drunk, is not my choice.

    thanks for your serious, non-sarcastic, non-smart ass responses.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    Hey Rnch, I wonder why RJ is not working for you. Seem like a lot of quality guys on this site. And it does look like you participate in the forums. Maybe you could add more info about yourself to your profile? Have you gone out with any guys front RJs?
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    Look EVERYWHERE, but don't be "looking", just be open to meeting guys anywhere and everywhere. Could be on Grindr, the grocery store, or doing some activity that you enjoy (gym, sport club or knitting circle...)

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    Jan 07, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    Try going to a Meetup in your area. Common interest in a fun social event is a great way to start.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    I'm starting to believe there aren't that many date-able guys out there. Or, it really is like finding a needle in a haystack.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidHey Rnch, I wonder why RJ is not working for you. Seem like a lot of quality guys on this site. And it does look like you participate in the forums. Maybe you could add more info about yourself to your profile? Have you gone out with any guys front RJs?


    +1. I've talked to a lot of good guys here. Unfortunately most of them live far away, but it's still good to know they are some really awesome guys out there.

    I know not everyone agrees, but I think online dating sites (not hookup sites...dating sites) are very good to meet dateable men. Depending on how much info is in their profiles, and the type of pictures they have, you can get a pretty good basic idea of their intentions, motives, and likes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    You can meet dateable guys any/everywhere. I believe the key is to stop looking. Besides physical attributes I think people are attracted to those who appear to be comfortable in their own skin and when guys are 'looking' there just seems to be an air of desperation about them, no matter how cool they may be. I say this because any time I have met a worthwhile guy it has been at a time in which I was not expecting or looking to meet anyone.
    So, just go out and do what you do and things will happen.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    I used to agree with the "it'll happen when you're not looking" thing, but I still think you have to try and make some effort. And like a few already said, just don't come across as desperate. There's a fine line between trying and trying too hard. I've been guilty of the latter far too much. icon_confused.gif
  • rowerchgo

    Posts: 31

    Jan 07, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    I'm starting to believe that "where can i go to find a datable guy" is not the best question to ask. Like others have hinted, there is not one single place where guys with the perfect set of characteristics you are looking for will hang. The main reason being that there are no perfect guys, everyone is human and flawed :-)

    Instead of focusing on the location, look instead at how your perceive people- do you disregard them right away if they have a certain feature or say something wrong?

    Look for social activities, get out of the internet, make friends in the real world. Perhaps these friends wont be your type, but when you are surrounded by a group of people it makes it easier to meet more people that are your type.

    At least that has worked for me after i joined a volleyball league and started taking singing classes. Stop being dramatic, enjoy your life, dont overthink and be fun to hang around, you might be surprised with the results!
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidTry going to a Meetup in your area. Common interest in a fun social event is a great way to start.


    good advice.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 07, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    match.com or chemistry.com or compatible partner.com or if you are active than you can try gay social groups
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    I know several couples, me included, gay and straight, who met using online dating.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 07, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    Nivek saidI know several couples, me included, gay and straight, who met using online dating.



    which online dating site did you use icon_question.gif
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    You know what I suggest? I suggest you just go on about your life and just be your social self. The more people you meet casually the more the odds go up in your favour.

    I also think you should get in touch with the intrepid Gumbosolo and hang out a bit. You may meet a slew of men you haven't met before, and conversely, the same with Gumbosolo, who I think is a helluva a great guy.

    -Doug

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 07, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    meninlove said You know what I suggest? I suggest you just go on about your life and just be your social self. The more people you meet casually the more the odds go up in your favour.

    -Doug




    yes, i have to work on the "social self" part of my life.

    after all this time recovering from knee surgery and the virulent MRSA staph infection that darn near did me in; i've been more-or-less housebound for 8 months i've gotten into the bad habit of just sitting inside the house, watching the tube and dvd's. gotta change that!

    last night's carnival party was an important step for me in getting out and about and rejoing the world.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    rnch said
    meninlove said You know what I suggest? I suggest you just go on about your life and just be your social self. The more people you meet casually the more the odds go up in your favour.

    -Doug




    yes, i have to work on the "social self" part of my life.

    after all this time recovering from knee surgery and the virulent MRSA staph infection that darn near did me in; i've been more-or-less housebound for 8 months i've gotten into the bad habit of just sitting inside the house, watching the tube and dvd's. gotta change that!

    last night's carnival party was an important step for me in getting out and about and rejoing the world.



    lol, if we lived closer we'd be banging on your door and dragging you out of the house. icon_wink.gif

    Look up Mr Gumbosolo and tell him we said, "Hi"!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    Don't be the gay community's best kept secret. You need to get yourself out there.

    Volunteering at gay or gay friendly organizations is a great way to meet guys. Democratic candidates need volunteers. Even if you don't find some real cuties staffing the phone banks, just wait for the parties. You are now part of a social circle.

    Physical activities work the same way...golf, tennis, biking, running, softball, etc. Also, spend some time hanging out at the local coffee shop in your gayberhood.
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    Jan 07, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidI'm starting to believe there aren't that many date-able guys out there. Or, it really is like finding a needle in a haystack.


    All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
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    Jan 07, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    not-this-shit-again.jpg

    Also, why do you still have pictures of your ex on your profile if he is your ex?
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    Jan 07, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Gosh Haaretz, it's only been a few days, cut the fellow some slack!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    I'm in the same boat as you, minus the ex part. I've just never been on a date and I don't fit in well at bars, mainly because I don't drink (a fact that causes the more stereotypical males, gay or straight, to usually gasp in shock) I pretty much get the same advice from my friends that you've gotten from other responses here, the main one being "it'll happen when you aren't actively looking." Logically I agree with them. Emotionally it gets annoying. But It's good advice, and also seeking out meetup type groups could bear some fruit for you. I actually help run one in my area, and one of our main focuses is to do social activities that don't revolve around the bar. It tends to draw more women then men but there's definitely more people with that mentality out there then I originally thought...
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jan 07, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    I have found that many times it's when you actually STOP "looking" that you will find. Seeing how you are currently mending a broken heart and only just out of a LTR, I really think you should focus on some "Me Time" for a bit. Surround yourself with friends, do things that YOU like to do that maybe you didn't get to do enough of when in the relationship, and pamper yourself a little -- go get a massage, a facial, whatever. Don't put pressure on yourself to date right away...maybe date yourself and just give yourself some time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    I think that since you now know it's over with the bf, and you make the step to get out of the house, you will do fine. You're a good looking man. I would bet you'll have plenty offers of dates if that's what you want.

    As far as social circles, you can also go to gayoutdoors.org and look around. Get on their mailing list and be notified of activities in your area. I'm sure there are a lot of things going on.

    Like Doug and Bill told you, if my bf and I were around, we'd be dragging your butt out, too. lol thought just popped into my head....

    Maybe we need to plan a trip and meet Doug and Bill in New Orleans? lol
  • hauteco

    Posts: 46

    Jan 07, 2012 4:30 PM GMT
    RJ is a beautiful "narcissus greenhouse", or as easily - pictures are, but men are not. icon_lol.gif

    Works of art decorate the soul icon_wink.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 07, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    Haaretz said.... why do you still have pictures of your ex on your profile if he is your ex?




    although he and I are no longer boyfriends or a commited gay couple, he is still my friend. i suspect that to some degree, he and I always be friends and somewhere in each others' lives. we have too much in common to not be! we're just not gay bf's or having sex with each other on a regular basis.

    why remove pics of someone whom i like, who likes me, who gave me SO much happiness in life, many enjoyable memories for almost 4 years and who makes me look good in pictures?


    icon_idea.gif