Odds decrease with age..(question for old guys)

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    Jan 09, 2012 1:43 AM GMT
    Question for us older guys....

    Do you feel that as us older guys age 40+ and beyond that the odds of finding a partner to grow old and wrinkly with diminish and the odds get to the point where there really is no point in seeking out a partner?
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    Jan 09, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    Nope. I found my partner when I was forty-eight years old, he was forty-six. Life is funny that way, you never expect what you are going to get.icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 09, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    Perhaps that may be statistically true for the majority. But that doesn't rule out individual exceptions, especially if you go out and make them for yourself.

    I came out at nearly 46, and my late 40s and early 50s were the most sexually successful and active of my entire life. Over the past 17 years I've had 2 BFs of over 2 years each, a number of shorter relationships, and 2 partners in my 50s (2 because the first one died not long after we got together).

    At 46 I realized the great disadvantages I faced: from age, particularly in the gay community, from lack of experience in this new life I was attempting, and from other drawbacks like indifferent looks and little wealth & possessions to attract guys.

    I also estimated that I had at best 10 years before my looks and vigor were totally gone, based on family history. Added to that was my profound anger at myself for having wasted 30 years of my life in mistakenly pursuing a straight existence.

    So I determined to learn everything I could about the gay life, and to make being gay a full-time occupation, to try to squeeze 40 years into 10 by age 56. And fortunately I was already retired with an abundance of free time, only doing such things as I wished for a little extra income now and then.

    By focusing most of my time & energy on this task I increased my odds over guys of similar age. Plus I did get a break, finding a partner again at age 58, 2 years past the cut-off point I thought I'd have. But even greater marks to him, since he's older than me, his own feat that much more noteworthy.

    So I wouldn't write yourself or other older guys off completely, if you direct your energies to the job. I think there's always a point to seeking out a partner if you want one, not only as a positive means to achieve that goal, but also in the enjoyment of pursuing it, or at least it's been for me. Because if I hadn't succeeded after all, well, I still had the fun of trying, rather than throwing in the towel and doing nothing. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 09, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    Sometimes I think that. But after hearing about all the other guys in their late 40's and beyond meeting someone, I no longer think this way.

    Besides, there are plenty of 20 and 30 year olds who are having problems finding a partner too.
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    Jan 09, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    I've already buried two partners. What were the odds of that? So at least I've got a track record of beating the odds. See, I am an optimist afterall.

    One of the issues with aging is that obviously we've experienced a lot by now. And if you do not go into denial or if you are not a complete sociopath, it gets to you.

    After my last spate of deaths a few years ago (the concurrent demise of my 2nd best bud, then my dog then my mom) followed by some close, but needy friends who betrayed me in my mourning, I've purposely isolated myself from new loves and new friendships. This online bullshit is safe enough, but I knew that I could neither give fully of myself to a relationship, nor could I have handled taking a chance on one more person hurting me.

    I can see now that I'm finally coming out of that. I've tried to keep putting one foot in front of the other even though I was a walking zombie for a few years and falling down a lot. But this recovery has taken a lot of work. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to fix myself. To take that chance again. To love somebody new.

    So I think sometimes we make our own odds. It might even help to be little odd.

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    Jan 09, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    I tend to think the opposite is true... How many guys get together in their teens or early twenties and have something that lasts?

    Older guys have a better idea of who they are and what they want... and are beyond that "party gay" portion of life, generally.
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    Jan 09, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    midwestcommuter saidQuestion for us older guys....

    Do you feel that as us older guys age 40+ and beyond that the odds of finding a partner to grow old and wrinkly with diminish and the odds get to the point where there really is no point in seeking out a partner?


    Not at all. In fact I think the opposite is true. It would be easier finding someone in your 40s when you are settled vs. 20 something who consider a "partner" a guy who paid for dinner.
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    Jan 09, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    I think what the OP says may have some truth in it. However, I think that if two men 40's and up are willing to make changes, compromises, possibly relocate, there is no reason they can't meet someone later in life.

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    Jan 09, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    I've been partnered. I've been single. Growing old and wrinkly has never been a goal of mine.

  • waltex

    Posts: 140

    Jan 09, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    I'm older, more wrinkly, and have more aches and pains than I like to admit.

    Too anyone of any age - be particular, don't let your dick rule your head, and look for the total package. I am lucky I can have men half my age find me attractive, but what do I have in common with them ?

    My goal is to find another man my age with the same degree of fitness, experience and background. It's not easy, but u have to get yourself OUT THERE !!


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    Jan 09, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    midwestcommuter saidQuestion for us older guys....

    Do you feel that as us older guys age 40+ and beyond that the odds of finding a partner to grow old and wrinkly with diminish and the odds get to the point where there really is no point in seeking out a partner?


    hell to da noicon_exclaim.gif i don't feel this way at all.

    1. guys go to the gym to build their bodies to look a certain way
    2. guys eat the right stuff to assist in training their muscles to look a certain way.
    3. guys place themselves on a daily- if not an only- diet of hooking up and anonymous sex and then expect to be able to miraculously have a LTR as they age. apparently you are what you eat doesn't quite translate.
    4. guys are narrowly focused on their specific type, not having enough common sense to realize their type may show up in the most unexpected package.


    and what's this wrinkly stuff crap about? do u mean to tell me my daily moisturizing will not stop the wrinkles?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    Your odds improve when you do. That goes for any age.
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    Jan 09, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Well on the plus side, from what I have seen on this site, seems there are 'converts' in thier 40s entering the dating pool on a regular basis icon_biggrin.gif

    Well I assume its a plus icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 09, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    I think a lot of guys find men in their 40s very attractive. Finding a partner takes time (no matter what's your age).

  • Jan 09, 2012 5:14 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 said
    midwestcommuter saidQuestion for us older guys....

    Do you feel that as us older guys age 40+ and beyond that the odds of finding a partner to grow old and wrinkly with diminish and the odds get to the point where there really is no point in seeking out a partner?


    Not at all. In fact I think the opposite is true. It would be easier finding someone in your 40s when you are settled vs. 20 something who consider a "partner" a guy who paid for dinner.



    Ok I woke up a little cranky (and alone) and I gotta tell ya, the "paid for dinner" line made me absolutely crack up. Thank you for starting my day with a smile.
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    Jan 09, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    I'm 54 and met my partner a year ago. I think the big difference isn't that you can't find someone, it's that you change what you're looking for. You realize that someone solid, young and energized can be fun but as you grow older things such as companionship, friends, togetherness and cuddling are much more important than that hot solid firm body and a cute face (that becomes your fantasy on the Internet). I think this is where love is really defined, true love, unconditional love.

    Nope, you may get frustrated looking but never say never, it might just happen when you least expect it. That's what happened to me icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    No. I think a lot of guys who have previously been happily single start to panic a bit after the big 40, and start looking for someone to settle down with.
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    Jan 09, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI'm 54 and met my partner a year ago. I think the big difference isn't that you can't find someone, it's that you change what you're looking for. You realize that someone solid, young and energized can be fun but as you grow older things such as companionship, friends, togetherness and cuddling are much more important than that hot solid firm body and a cute face (that becomes your fantasy on the Internet). I think this is where love is really defined, true love, unconditional love.

    Nope, you may get frustrated looking but never say never, it might just happen when you least expect it. That's what happened to me icon_smile.gif

    This!

    I met my guy of 7 years in my 40s. And besides, even if the odds are against single guys our age -- and I don't think they are -- why succumb to the odds? Don't use the odds as an excuse to give up.
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    Jan 09, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    Nivek said
    eb925guy saidI'm 54 and met my partner a year ago. I think the big difference isn't that you can't find someone, it's that you change what you're looking for. You realize that someone solid, young and energized can be fun but as you grow older things such as companionship, friends, togetherness and cuddling are much more important than that hot solid firm body and a cute face (that becomes your fantasy on the Internet). I think this is where love is really defined, true love, unconditional love.

    Nope, you may get frustrated looking but never say never, it might just happen when you least expect it. That's what happened to me icon_smile.gif

    This!

    I met my guy of 7 years in my 40s. And besides, even if the odds are against single guys our age -- and I don't think they are -- why succumb to the odds? Don't use the odds as an excuse to give up.


    +1
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jan 09, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    I honestly don't think age has anything to do with one's odds in meeting a potential partner. Regardless of what age someone is, you still have to be out there and open to meeting someone for it to happen. There is no age limit to that possibility, only limitations we put on ourselves.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Jan 09, 2012 6:08 PM GMT
    Old vintage wine is more precious!
  • tuffguyndc

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    Jan 09, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    midwestcommuter saidQuestion for us older guys....

    Do you feel that as us older guys age 40+ and beyond that the odds of finding a partner to grow old and wrinkly with diminish and the odds get to the point where there really is no point in seeking out a partner?
    I think so its like women. the older they get the harder it is for them to find someone. however, if a older takes care of herself and does not look her age than 9 times out 10 she still has a chance. I think it can be said for us older guys as well
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    Found my present partner when I was 42. He was 43 at the time. Almost 21 years later, debunking these theories.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jan 09, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    I agree. If you're older but take great care of yourself, are active in the community (sports, non-profits and really anything else) I think you have a great chance of meeting someone. This probably depends somewhat on your community, but I am pretty surprised (pleasantly) how easy it is to meet great guys. That said, I am not looking for a life partner so maybe I am viewed as a safe shorter term option.
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    Jan 09, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    Being a glass half full kinda guy I really like the positive take on this. Those of you seasoned guys that recently found "your man" where did you find him? Bar, through a friend, a party, etc???