First gay relationship, hard to move on...

  • Wildcat335

    Posts: 1

    Jan 09, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    Hi all, new to the site, nice place! icon_smile.gif

    I'm in need of some comforting words or advice.

    I've recently been in my first (actual) gay relationship over the past 9 months. It started out so amazing, with him texting me all the time, and us wanting to spend as much time as possible with each other. I was apprehensive at first about opening up completely to him, as I've kinda always been a reserved person, so I explained to him that it might take me a while to break my walls down and let him in, which he understood.

    We grew to love each other and expressed it as often as we could every time we saw each other. We took as many trips as we could, every weekend, had an amazing sex life, talked about one day adopting kids and moving in together...

    He cheated on me once, and it broke my heart. He begged me to take him back, we talked through it, and I did. I still had faith in our relationship, and chalked it up to being an accident of lust, nothing more.

    Now at 9 months, I've learned a lot more: He's cheated on me with roughly 6 other guys (that I know of), had underlying relationships with some of them and me at the same time, and has apparently lied to me 90% of our time together. Everything I had and believed in is now just a crumbled pile of lies.

    I hate to be so dramatic about it, but my heart is broken in a million pieces and I feel like I can't find the foot-hold to repair it. The scary thing? We're officially 'still together', even though right now he's hardly texting or calling me because he's talking to this 40-year-old something guy. We recently took a trip to Tennessee last weekend and he spent all of his time in the bathroom texting or calling this guy.

    I feel so ugly and disgusting, and used. I opened up to him and I got betrayed in the end. I want to move on but it's the hardest thing to do because I still love him so much and I just wish he could see that.

    icon_sad.gif
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 09, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    If he is such a prick of a man how can you do it to yourself by still wanting to be with him and describing your relationship status as "still official"?

    RUN! Run away from him as fast as you can and never look back!

    Delete his photos, delete his number, everything. You'll get over him, the guy who only saw you as a toy and used you.
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Jan 09, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    If you know you deserve more, then call it quits. Time to find someone worthy of your time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    Wildcat335 saidHi all, new to the site, nice place! icon_smile.gif

    I'm in need of some comforting words or advice.

    I've recently been in my first (actual) gay relationship over the past 9 months. It started out so amazing, with him texting me all the time, and us wanting to spend as much time as possible with each other. I was apprehensive at first about opening up completely to him, as I've kinda always been a reserved person, so I explained to him that it might take me a while to break my walls down and let him in, which he understood.

    We grew to love each other and expressed it as often as we could every time we saw each other. We took as many trips as we could, every weekend, had an amazing sex life, talked about one day adopting kids and moving in together...

    He cheated on me once, and it broke my heart. He begged me to take him back, we talked through it, and I did. I still had faith in our relationship, and chalked it up to being an accident of lust, nothing more.

    Now at 9 months, I've learned a lot more: He's cheated on me with roughly 6 other guys (that I know of), had underlying relationships with some of them and me at the same time, and has apparently lied to me 90% of our time together. Everything I had and believed in is now just a crumbled pile of lies.

    I hate to be so dramatic about it, but my heart is broken in a million pieces and I feel like I can't find the foot-hold to repair it. The scary thing? We're officially 'still together', even though right now he's hardly texting or calling me because he's talking to this 40-year-old something guy. We recently took a trip to Tennessee last weekend and he spent all of his time in the bathroom texting or calling this guy.

    I feel so ugly and disgusting, and used. I opened up to him and I got betrayed in the end. I want to move on but it's the hardest thing to do because I still love him so much and I just wish he could see that.

    icon_sad.gif


    so very sorry to hear this happened to you.
    i don't want to make light of your experience, but there are a few silver linings

    the first one that comes to mind: this may be some sort of right of passage in the gay world apparently. it has happened at the start. learn from it. learn how to treat guys based upon the way you want to be treated.

    it happened before you moved in and made a more solid committment to him.

    it will hurt: but time really is a great healer if you allow it to do its work. as much as possible do not keep thinking of him. easier said than done now, but as time goes on it becomes easier to do if you do not continue to focus on him. the fact that he was screwing around on you indicates that he did not value you as much as you valued him. keep this in mind when you are liable to focus on him.

    take the time to grieve at the loss of your relationship then get back out there. be positive and chalk this experience down to a guy who was not deserving of you and an nothing than an ass.

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    Jan 09, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    get over it! now!
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    Jan 09, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    Hey Wildcat...
    ...really sorry to hear about your betrayal. Being that it is your first gay relationship makes it worse, if not devastating.

    Resist the temptation to be soured on commitment in general, and to hate the over 40 crowd, or anything that reminds you of your painful situation.
    Maybe there is a gay counseling group or hotline in your area. Venting is good, obsessing only makes it worse.

    ...and, take heart, there is a great big world out there with 7 BILLION people, and that means more than a handful that have integrity, and a deep well of love to share. Happy, monogamous gay couples DO exist.
    Focus on self enrichment, and heathy choices for yourself. Work on your own goals, both professional and and personal, to build up your self-confidence again. Exercise is a great way to change your brain chemicals, lift your mood, give a new way at looking at the future.

    Best of luck to you!
  • CollegeJock21

    Posts: 1

    Jan 09, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    Move on, you definitely deserve better. Everyone deserves to have someone in their life that they can trust and will respect them.