why did i cheat?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    i was with my partner for 10 months. everything in the relationship was almost perfect. i was satisfied sexually, emotionally, mentally and loved being around him. He loved me, I loved him. We always talked about the future and honestly, I feel like he is my soul mate and vice versa. Around month 5, i cheated on him and did not tell him. I ended up cheating 4 more times. The other day, he went through my phone and found some emails and i had to tell him. I told him the whole truth. He is devistated right now and feels like there is nothing left in him and he is a different person forever. He has gone back and forth about whether to work this out or not. I am going to start counseling soon so i can get to the root of this. I was wondering if anyone else on here has done the same thing i have done and had to figure out why? Also, if you've been cheated on, what happened? I want him to give me another chance and i am going to do anything in my power to get to the root of this and figure out why i ruined the one chance of happiness i had.
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    Jan 09, 2012 8:47 PM GMT
    I should also add that i did not have any kind of relationship with the guys i cheated on him with. It was strictly physical. I wasn't even more attracted to them as I was to my BF. I know this sounds like a short relationship that is easy to move on but neither of us are out, both were down to earth, successful, loved spending time together. He made himself completely vulnerable. I hate what I did and I hate what it did to him.
  • Devinci

    Posts: 16

    Jan 09, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    Cheating can cause a lot of damage... My first partner cheated on me. I still have a hard time with that, because now I have a hard time to trust guys. He broke a deal I had with him. For me, monogamous relationship is very important. I am still working on my trust issue...

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    Jan 09, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    The question "Why" can be answered by no one but yourself.

    You said your relationship was almost perfect but yet you wanted more sex than your bf offers. That seems to indicate that your sexual needs / wants are not being satisfied by your relationship. Think about under what circumstances did those hook-ups occurred, and what causes you to do it (thrill, simply horny, drunk etc.) and then evaluate what situations you should avoid in the future so you will not be tempted easily.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 09, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    Did you guys have safe sex, or did you expose him to STD's or hiv risk? At 25 you weren't ready for monogamy. You may never be and that is ok, BUT tell your partner, wear condoms and act resposible.icon_idea.gif
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    Jan 09, 2012 10:09 PM GMT
    You should listen to MikemikeMike OP, he has had much experience being cheated on in his life :-)
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 09, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Chainers saidYou should listen to MikemikeMike OP, he has had much experience being cheated on in his life :-)

    Hasn't happened yet, but I'll let you know. I was only dumped once by a girl when I was 21.
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    Jan 09, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    Chainers saidYou should listen to MikemikeMike OP, he has had much experience being cheated on in his life :-)

    Hasn't happened yet, but I'll let you know. I was only dumped once by a girl when I was 21.


    lol no offense dude but with a body/face/attitude of yours you get cheated on a lot.

    Thats the thing about getting cheated on, you dont necessarily know because your partner is good at it, he has many years of experience with ya.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 09, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    MikemikeMike said
    Chainers saidYou should listen to MikemikeMike OP, he has had much experience being cheated on in his life :-)

    Hasn't happened yet, but I'll let you know. I was only dumped once by a girl when I was 21.


    lol no offense dude but with a body/face/attitude of yours you get cheated on a lot.

    Thats the thing about getting cheated on, you dont necessarily know because your partner is good at it, he has many years of experience with ya.

    We're in an almost 9 yr open relationship. It's not a factor for us. Both are very very selective.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    WHY did you cheat if you liked him better than the others? I think only you know why. Maybe youre just not ready to be monogamous..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2012 12:06 AM GMT
    For me to forgive someone two things have to happen.
    1. They have to apologize and I have to know that they mean it.
    2. I would have to know that they would never do it again.
    If you can establish those two things I think you'll be fine. Cheatings not an easy thing to get over and everyone reacts different so give him time.

    If things were as great as you say it sounds like you really hurt him. :/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    Gotta ask.... did things start to become routine with you and the bf? Did you just become roommates. Even though you loved him did the spark die? I wasn't getting any or very little and what i did get was hard won. I have the same feelings.... I did come out about it.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    lol.......cheater1986. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    I think the root of your problem is self esteem.

    A pretty common phenomenon that occurs is something called the "re-live" and basically all that speaks to is the desire to relive a situation in a position of power.

    For example, many people who molest children were themselves molested. Many people who witnessed domestic abuse grow up to become abusers.

    You probably cheated because your first boyfriends infidelity traumatized you caused you to attempt and reattempt to relive the experience in a way that would bring you some kind of resolution.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 10, 2012 1:27 AM GMT
    cheater1986 saidi was with my partner for 10 months. everything in the relationship was almost perfect. i was satisfied sexually, emotionally, mentally and loved being around him. He loved me, I loved him. We always talked about the future and honestly, I feel like he is my soul mate and vice versa. Around month 5, i cheated on him and did not tell him. I ended up cheating 4 more times. The other day, he went through my phone and found some emails and i had to tell him. I told him the whole truth. He is devistated right now and feels like there is nothing left in him and he is a different person forever. He has gone back and forth about whether to work this out or not. I am going to start counseling soon so i can get to the root of this. I was wondering if anyone else on here has done the same thing i have done and had to figure out why? Also, if you've been cheated on, what happened? I want him to give me another chance and i am going to do anything in my power to get to the root of this and figure out why i ruined the one chance of happiness i had.
    i do not understand guys like you. i mean you have some good at home but you are never satisfied. the sad part is that you never think about the other person until you get caught. lucky for you i am not your partner because if i were than there would be no seeking help. i would have ended it once you admitted that you cheated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    I was walking by the candy bowl and when nobody was looking I gobbled up 5 M&Ms. Why did I do that?

    I have Twizzlers at my desk, even, and that wasn't enough to stop me from gobbling those M&Ms from the kitchen.

    I'm thinking of counseling.

    Why would I do such a thing? I love Twizzlers. They've been my go-to for a year now. But, those M&Ms. So tempting. There must be something wrong with me; what drug I can take to stop me from sneaking the M&Ms?








    Does that sound stupid? So does your scenario. There is nothing wrong with you that counseling will reveal. You are not having psychological problems. You're just greedy. Greedy people do whatever they want until they get caught, which is what happened to you. Of course you regret it. And it's not like you didn't know this would happen. But there you were, unzipping your pants at the first sign of candy.

    The real question is, will your boyfriend forgive you and take you back. Can't answer that. I hope he really makes you sweat it out, though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:37 AM GMT
    In 10 months, you cheated on him 4 (edit: MORE) times.

    Any trust you had with him is fractured for a long, long time. You have to decide if you need to accept responsibility for it all and leave or work this out together in counseling. I have to say, people who cheat multiple times don't generally get to keep their relationships.
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    You will find no sympathy from many folks here, including me. You clearly are not a person who values monogamy. You dated this man for 10 months and cheated on him half way through icon_eek.gif What kind of person does this? How do you keep the charade going? constant lies? I for one will never forgive a cheat and hopefully your ex cuts you out of his life. This is assuming this post is even real.

    Cheaters can simply die in a fire. If your super horny then break it off and fuck till your dick falls off!!! Don't damage another person, asshole.
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    Lets be honest here... If u felt all the things u wrote u would have considered him not to mention loved him and let me piggy back that w/ cared about the foundation of the relationship u were building enough NOT to cheat on him. Your behavior was selfish, why sugar coat it. Unless u meant to tell us how unhappy u were so u cheated....
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    look up the word willpower
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    adam228 saidIn 10 months, you cheated on him 4 times.
    Five times. He said, "I ended up cheating 4 more times."
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    Jan 10, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    "i was with my partner for 10 months"

    Woooooow! And after such a long commitment you cheated? You're an effing pig. That man devoted the best weeks of his life to you. You have ruined him and yourself. No doubt, the bed has been made for you in HEEEEELLLL!! No agony will equal your own.
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    Jan 10, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    McGay said"i was with my partner for 10 months"

    Woooooow! And after such a long commitment you cheated? You're an effing pig. That man devoted the best weeks of his life to you. You have ruined him and yourself. No doubt, the bed has been made for you in HEEEEELLLL!! No agony will equal your own.


    icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 10, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    You're doing the right thing... you are taking some responsibility for what you did. Many don't. I would say, if you love him, continue to take concrete steps and actions... to show him how you feel. Words don't do it.
    Good luck. Glad you realize the totality of whats up.
  • tcmdoc

    Posts: 13

    Jan 10, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    wouldn't blame him if he doesn't give you another chance. i'm well aware of the fact that i'm old fashioned and monogamy doesn't seem to have as much importance in gay relationships, but if someone ever cheated on me, that'd be the end. period.

    the fact that you continued to sleep around for another five months...completely reprehensible.