It's NYC... I think any quiet bar / lounge below 110th can be gay if you bring your date there. Now it's gay.
If you're looking for someplace casual to sit and drink and meet others, I think it's more a matter of timing than location. I've been to Boiler Room early in the evening, and you can just sit and chill with friends, before it becomes packed with people later on.
Some of the other Hell's Kitchen bars are set up as lounges (is it Vlada or Therapy with the upstairs lounge? across from Industry?), but again... if you're going out later at night, it will probably be packed with a mingling crowd... not a quiet / lounge atmosphere.