Two tops

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2012 5:59 AM GMT
    I've refused to be defined my sexuality my whole life, but I met a guy who seems to be a total top and is unmoved about it. He's totally into me and I really like him, but I feel as if this is something that he is unwilling to move past. what do you do when two top meet each other. Are we defined by the "hetero-determined" roles?
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    Jan 14, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    People like what they like sexually, and people are either compatible with each other in this respect or they're not.
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    Jan 14, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    blouse.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    ^ win... cept those are the ugliest dang tops I evah seen!
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    Jan 14, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    The one tied into a bow is kind of cute, the back is pleated.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 14, 2012 9:28 AM GMT
    OP-sword fight, or open relationshipicon_idea.gif
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    Jan 14, 2012 12:04 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidOP-sword fight, or open relationshipicon_idea.gif


    LOLicon_lol.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 14, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    While I agree with the sentiment that you like what you like when it comes to sex, if two guys are really into each other emotionally AND sexually, you can usually figure something out.

    If your guy is a total top because bottoming hurts or he's physically incapable of it, fair enough, but if he's standing on some sort of principle by insisting on always playing the role of the top, it makes me think it's more about control than anything else. You might be able to find ways to make him feel more comfortable with the notion of bottoming on occasion. First, I'd try to get to the bottom (lol) of why he refuses to bottom and then see if there's room for experimentation.
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    Jan 14, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
    You two need to arm wrestle for top.
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 14, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    Fuck him in the mouth
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    Jan 14, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    rookieinnyc said Are we defined by the "hetero-determined" roles?


    Unless it is because of physical limitations, then it is because of mental constricts.....i.e., if I don't bottom, I'm not really gay.....icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 14, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    relationships ARE about compromise. IF you learn to love someone as much as yourself, you might have to take it to get what you want. ive had other tops into me and told them very up front that i was too. i would say continue to date and see if you find a resulution. if the subject bothers you that much, sit down and have a serious talk about it.

    i don't think an open relationship is the answer but that is just my two cents
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    Jan 14, 2012 12:48 PM GMT
    It appears that you are defining yourselves by hetero-determined roles. Stop it!

    I like to think of myself as a total top, but there are times when topping simply cannot satiate ... nevermind.

    If you love each other, and you're both 100% tops (like I believe that for a moment, anyway), then why not learn about the finer art of frottage? You could always fuck a watermelon together or buy some strange toy that gets you both off. Free your mind. The possibilities are endless; the chances of finding your true soul mate are not.

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    Jan 14, 2012 1:02 PM GMT
    credo saidIt appears that you are defining yourselves by hetero-determined roles. Stop it!

    I like to think of myself as a total top, but there are times when topping simply cannot satiate ... nevermind.

    If you love each other, and you're both 100% tops (like I believe that for a moment, anyway), then why not learn about the finer art of frottage? You could always fuck a watermelon together or buy some strange toy that gets you both off. Free your mind. The possibilities are endless; the chances of finding your true soul mate are not.




    Great advice however buying a watermelon every day can get expensive. Lol
    I think of it this way; making a two top relationship work is like walking through the eye of a needle.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 14, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    NC3athlete saidWhile I agree with the sentiment that you like what you like when it comes to sex, if two guys are really into each other emotionally AND sexually, you can usually figure something out.....



    agree!

    When my former bf and I first met each other almost four years ago; we both considered ourselves "Total Tops".

    As our relationship and sexual attraction for the other deepened; we realized that some type of compromise was needed.

    We both experimened with bttming for the other.

    As it worked out, I was a "Better Bottom" for him than he was for me.

    Life IS a Compromise icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jan 14, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    The most interesting part here is that the OP is complaining about his man being a TT, yet he makes no mention of his own willingness to compromise his TT state.

    Sounds like an insurmountable impasse to me.
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    Jan 14, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    This can be difficult long-term. The suggestion of sword fights or an open relationship is actually pretty good. Assuming that anal is important to both of you, though, i would say that even if there is some discomfort, you both should be making an effort. If you can't get the milk at home at least occasionally you'll get too used to going to the store. Or something like that. icon_razz.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 14, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidThe most interesting part here is that the OP is complaining about his man being a TT, yet he makes no mention of his own willingness to compromise his TT state....





    a shrewd observation icon_exclaim.gif
  • tiddlypush

    Posts: 43

    Jan 14, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    hmm. i have a similar issue these days. i am 60. i have a relationship with a man who is 26. he is a top. so am i. seems ok so far.i am a little apprehensive about the future.
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    Jan 14, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    exploration is the key... someone will give in...
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    Jan 14, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    2 uncompromising tops will either have an open or failed relationship. I would think your sexual compatibility should've been figured out before entering a relationship...
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    Jan 14, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    Total 120% uncompromising top here

    Generally I don't push the issue, if I happen to hook up with another top, one of the following happens:

    - he bottoms

    - we split a third guy who *is* a bottom

    - we suck each other / mutual JO / frot

    As an aside, I generally do not seek LTRs, but the ones I have had, the other guy was at least a vers/btm if not a full on total bottom.

    As for being wired one way or another - I'll confess that for me, there are both medical, physiological, and "control" factors involved for me in topping.

    Medical, in that I have colitis, which flares at the drop of a hat.

    Physiological, in that in the small handful of times I've tried to bottom it was excruciatingly painful - and I just don't deal well with it. So I gave up on trying years ago, lol...

    And Control, as at least in bed, I like being the "alpha" and dominating my boys. Less of a factor in day-to-day life.
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    Jan 14, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    AlphaTrigger saidTotal 120% uncompromising top here

    Generally I don't push the issue, if I happen to hook up with another top, one of the following happens:

    - he bottoms

    - we split a third guy who *is* a bottom

    - we suck each other / mutual JO / frot

    As an aside, I generally do not seek LTRs, but the ones I have had, the other guy was at least a vers/btm if not a full on total bottom.

    As for being wired one way or another - I'll confess that for me, there are both medical, physiological, and "control" factors involved for me in topping.

    Medical, in that I have colitis, which flares at the drop of a hat.

    Physiological, in that in the small handful of times I've tried to bottom it was excruciatingly painful - and I just don't deal well with it. So I gave up on trying years ago, lol...

    And Control, as at least in bed, I like being the "alpha" and dominating my boys. Less of a factor in day-to-day life.


    To my point- you know what/who you're compatible with and won't get into a relationship knowing the other guy is also a total top.
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    Jan 14, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    It could be worse--you could have been 2 bottoms. There are tons of extremely pleasurable things that two tops can do together, none of which requires penetrative anal sex.
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    Jan 14, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    are we talking about love or just sex?