GAY JOKES - I need some!

  • MuscleHung

    Posts: 11

    Jan 14, 2012 10:39 PM GMT
    Ok, so I need some good one-liner, clean gay jokes!

    I've recently come out to my best friend, and she was alright with it. There was a little bit of awkwardness at first, so I said 'At least now you know why I dress so well, it's because I've spent years in the closet!', which cleared up the tension and sent her into stitches! Another one was 'You're hair looks cool.. I'm just jealous because it's straighter than me!' Basically, it's just jokes like that, which aren't dirty, are non-homophobic and pretty quick to tell, nothing too long!
    By the way, I'm not a camp guy, so 'Call me gay again and I'll hit you with my purse' probably isn't too appropriate, just saying!
    Oh, and if anyone finds it in any way offensive that I'm looking for gay jokes, this is not meant to offend anyone, it's just my way of dealing with coming out!

    Thanks guys! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 14, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    Q: What do gay horses eat?
    A: Haaaaaaayyyyyyy.

    Q: Who feeds the gay horses?
    A: Hay girrrrrrrl!

  • MuscleHung

    Posts: 11

    Jan 14, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    Haha, nice one! Keep them cuming! ;)
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    Jan 14, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Because it had AIDS

    sorry I think I stole that one from South Park.
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    Q: What did one gay flea say to the other?

    A: Should we walk or take the Gayhound.
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    Gay guy walks into a delicatessen and asks the butcher for the biggest salami hanging in the store. The butcher asks, "Would you like that sliced"? The gay guy retorts, "What? Does my fanny look like a slot machine to you?"
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    I was going to make a gay joke...butt fuck it
    tumblr_lf6iu6cjyN1qbu8vt.gif
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:13 AM GMT

    When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.

    I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

    He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!" He continued; "He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."

    I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"

    He said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon."

    I said: "Well, so why are you crying?"

    He said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am."

    I said: "Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!"

    And he said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    Jan 15, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    The best gay joke:
    Look in the mirror.
    icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    alright people keep the dry jokes coming i think its about time i start passing out water bottlesicon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    "I don’t really like being gay, but it keeps my parents from dragging me along everywhere they go."
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    archon saidalright people keep the dry jokes coming i think its about time i start passing out water bottlesicon_rolleyes.gif


    wow.
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    Brazilianaire said"I don’t really like being gay, but it keeps my parents from dragging me along everywhere they go."


    i got an extra bottle of water for youicon_confused.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 15, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    ULmatt said
    archon saidalright people keep the dry jokes coming i think its about time i start passing out water bottlesicon_rolleyes.gif


    wow.


    do you need one toicon_confused.gif
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    Jan 15, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    DCEric saidI've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

    OKAAAAAY!!!
  • johndubuque

    Posts: 319

    Jan 15, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    This one is a true story, about Barney Frank, and I read it in the New Yorker about 3 years ago.
    There was some big event of gays and lesbians, and the speaker was a lesbian talking about coming out to her father. Her father was supportive, but then expressed some confusion about all these letters people are using now.
    "What is GLBT?" he said. "It sounds like a sandwich."
    Barney Frank was in the audience, and shouted out, "Sometimes it is!"
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
    They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

    What''s the difference between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo?
    At a straight rodeo everyone yells, "Ride that sucker"!

    What do you do in case of fallout?
    Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

    Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
    Yeah. The other 30% were sucked into it.

    Did you hear about the two gay judges?
    They tried each other.

    Did you hear about the gay truckers?
    They exchanged loads.
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    What does a gay horse say?

    HAAAYYY

    And what does a gay owl say?

    Yoo-hoo!!
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:59 AM GMT
    For the record, I know this isn't that funny.

    What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
    A suitcase.

    What does a gay man bring on a second date?
    A different guy.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    7Famark saidFor the record, I know this isn't that funny.

    What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
    A suitcase.

    What does a gay man bring on a second date?
    A different guy.

    Yeaaah. I kind of retract my marriage proposal from a while back...
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    TrevorMark said
    7Famark saidFor the record, I know this isn't that funny.

    What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
    A suitcase.

    What does a gay man bring on a second date?
    A different guy.

    Yeaaah. I kind of retract my marriage proposal from a while back...


    Rude. Funny was never part of the agreement.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    7Famark said
    Rude. Funny was never part of the agreement.

    Have you not read my posts? lol. Funny is DEFINITELY in my clause of marriage.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    TrevorMark said
    7Famark said
    Rude. Funny was never part of the agreement.

    Have you not read my posts? lol. Funny is DEFINITELY in my clause of marriage.


    Well then our engagement is broken. FINE!
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    7Famark said
    TrevorMark said
    7Famark said
    Rude. Funny was never part of the agreement.

    Have you not read my posts? lol. Funny is DEFINITELY in my clause of marriage.


    Well then our engagement is broken. FINE!

    YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY!?

    Wow. I should've never even asked.