Would you be bothered if you suddenly stopped hearing from the guy you had been seeing for a few months?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    Per the last topic on this issue earlier this month...

    Anyhow, I haven't seen or heard anything from this person now since New Year's Day. I know many recommended me breaking up with him, but it was kind of hard to just based on our 1st argument (although a very sour one at that).

    I been getting over him and going on dates, and even met a guy who is nearly his same age/build but seems a bit more fun than him, he drinks together with me (the other guy NEVER drank due to previous DUI's) and also likes watching scary movies together. He def. wants to see me again too.

    So you could say I should move on right? Well...thing is I haven't gotten a single text or phone call back AT all. It's very unusual that he'd not respond to me. Even if it was the next day, he wouldn't leave me hanging.

    I've even (jokingly) sent him a text message in a joking (but kind of serious) way saying that if I didn't hear from him by the next day I'd assume he dropped dead somewhere and file a missing persons report. Just to see if I'd get SOME kind of response. Thinking maybe he'd say, "you're crazy, don't text me EVER again! But alas, NO REPONSE!

    It's like, last time we talked it seemed like he left things 'open'. He didn't mention anyway that we should stop meeting up. I would atleast want him to say that or atleast hint to it.

    It just seems so mysterious that it would happen like that. At 1st I thought I was getting the silent treatment or he was taking a 'cooling off' period...but I've seriously not heard a single word. I sent him an email, no response either. Part of me is upset that he's igging me, another part thinks maybe he killed himself after turning 45...or went on some weird trip and zoning everyone out.

    I just want to tell him if he's mad at me: You should THANK ME. Obviously nobody else cared enough about you to see you much less call you on your birthday. I was the only one there with you that night. And I gave you gifts and this how you treat me?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 15, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    the guy sounds nuts based on both your posts, you are better off without him. But if you honestly and genuinely are concerned for him and don't just want some validation/attention/affection for yourself then try getting in touch with his friends or neighbors if you really think something might have happened to him.
  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jan 15, 2012 1:15 PM GMT
    The same thing happened me to me!

    He is a low life. Just get over him.
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    well... i'd say move on. But first... instead of texting did you call the number and leave a voice mail? If so and still no response..... he's trying to tell you he's not interested BUT he's being a real dick about how he's doing it.
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:34 PM GMT
    Suggest you leave a voicemail message and just tell him to be an adult about the situation and verbally tell you that he's done. If nothing in response then just move on.
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    Happened to me several times, well it took times but eventually I moved on.

    The funny part is one guy that "abandoned" me tried to chat with my "companion" (ok, quasi-bf, sort of). I told my "companion" everything so you can imagine how awkward that guy felt when my companion told him that he already knew him and his demeanor from me.
    Oh well, small gay world. icon_redface.gif
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    Guys.... this has happened so often to me I just thought it was the norm. Your responses are shocking to me.

    I will really like a guy, and then we get closer, and then he seems to like me and RIGHT when it seems like it could ride over the bump and become a relationship he runs for the hills or disappears into a mist.

    Maybe the OP and I do something to attract this behavior? But to the OP I would say this: the fact that he didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean you have done anything wrong. Give him a chance and then move along.... if a guy drops contact then.... well, my attitude is that he made his bed and now he has to lie in it. buh-BYE.
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    Jan 15, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    I think one key point is that the majority of people have never been taught how to properly end a romantic/personal relationship in a respectful and dignified manner. It's not like there's a course on it that's taught in high school, college, or university either.

    It's unpleasant and most people prefer to avoid unpleasant situations hence the silent treatment and the 'head in sand' approach. They probably do it this way because they don't want to "hurt" the other person and hope they get the hint. In reality they're hurting the person more by being silent and ignoring them instead of manning up and telling them they're no longer interested.
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    Sounds like he gave you the silent brush out. You have the right answer by moving on. The relationship would be doomed to fail anyway since this dude seems to lack the ability to communicate and express himself in an adult manner. To seek an answer from him will have you asking more questions then needed to this situation. Is he really worth it? Probably not.

    In certain situations like this actions speak louder than words. That guy spoke volumes the minute he started ignoring you and ducking your phone calls, texts and email messages. You should follow suit and move on to someone more your speed who will at least meet you halfway and give you an answer instead of playing "Avoid Him".

    Would I be bothered?Sure. Who wouldn't be even if just a little. I wouldn't be bothered enough to seek an answer to his cowardice though. I can honestly say that I've never dealt with sort of thing. I've been lucky enough to have people express their interest/disinterest in an adult manner to where I'm not left guessing or assuming.

    Plenty of fish in the sea.
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    Jan 15, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle saidGuys.... this has happened so often to me I just thought it was the norm. Your responses are shocking to me.

    I will really like a guy, and then we get closer, and then he seems to like me and RIGHT when it seems like it could ride over the bump and become a relationship he runs for the hills or disappears into a mist.



    Yep. It's happened to me so many times I thought it was the norm as well. Is this normal behavior in the gay dating world and the majority of gay men act like this or am I just somehow attracted to the guys who act like that? Either way, I've given up on the whole idea of romantic love. At least for me. It seems like a waste of time to give your love to someone who doesn't want it. Now, I'm just channeling my love towards friends and people in need.
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    Jan 16, 2012 10:23 AM GMT
    Well, it's been a hard road...

    I know this sounds embarrassing, but I almost am considering taking the advice of someone awhile back about doing therapy/counseling LOL.

    It just makes me SO mad that he would do that. It just keeps me up at night, makes it hard to wake up anymore, even when I'm just out and about running errands it'll cross my mind and I'll just be consumed by the anger of it so much.

    What makes me so angry is he bitched all day New Year's Eve about what I haven't done, and how he didn't enjoy his birthday, how he hates that I show up hours after I text him...Makes it seem like he was open to letting me change things, then he pulls this disappear shit. But yet he couldn't even pick up the phone or say any of it in person.

    I try to think positive, but nothing really helps. It just comes back to me everyday. The real me wants to just start busting out windows and slashing tires to get a response, but Lord knows I don't need another charge LOL.

    I'm actually going to write a letter to him tonight and email it to him and just say everything how I feel about him acting this way.
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    Jan 17, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    So, I wrote him a letter the other night pretty much mentioning everything about the situation.

    In some parts of the email, I even told him now I see why he's still single at his age. I also said that obviously no one cared enough about you to call much less spend a second of their time with you on your birthday and it's probably because in the past you've proven to be an ungrateful, passive-aggressive, introvert who can't even express himself like a real man. And he should be thanking me, not whining like a little bitch 2 weeks later.

    I felt so good afterwards, but still no response. You'd think I've gotten something by now, but guess not. Not that it really matters at this point anyway, but damn. There's few things in life that would make someone disappear suddenly with no explanation, I don't think this is one of them.



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    Jan 17, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    miamimasseur said
    Alpha_Muscle saidGuys.... this has happened so often to me I just thought it was the norm. Your responses are shocking to me.

    I will really like a guy, and then we get closer, and then he seems to like me and RIGHT when it seems like it could ride over the bump and become a relationship he runs for the hills or disappears into a mist.



    Yep. It's happened to me so many times I thought it was the norm as well. Is this normal behavior in the gay dating world and the majority of gay men act like this or am I just somehow attracted to the guys who act like that? Either way, I've given up on the whole idea of romantic love. At least for me. It seems like a waste of time to give your love to someone who doesn't want it. Now, I'm just channeling my love towards friends and people in need.



    Dude! Dont give up! Remember that your keys are always in the last place you look!
  • SirEllingtonB...

    Posts: 497

    Jan 17, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    The same thing happened to me and I don't understand what the thought process of that person may be. We'd been dating for three months and all of a sudden you just drop off the face of the earth? Really? Grow up.
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    Jan 17, 2012 4:50 PM GMT
    Elle saidThe same thing happened to me and I don't understand what the thought process of that person may be. We'd been dating for three months and all of a sudden you just drop off the face of the earth? Really? Grow up.


    It has me thinking all sorts of things. And since it happened like the day after New Years (plus his lack of being around due to 'work' and new employees, which I even offered to make up for his birthday).

    It's like telling me, You're so 2011, it's a New Year time for a new guy. Maybe that's not what he's thinking, but it feels that way.

    It's like I know if something bad had happened to him, after 2 weeks his phone would be off, not still ringing when I tried to call.
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    Jan 17, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    The only person whining like a bitch is you but you fail to see that it that way I'm sure.

    Also what you did was way worse then what he did. You couldn't muster up the decency to say half that stuff to his face so you took the bitch route and wrote a letter. Kids and little girls do that. You would've seriously been better off not saying anything and going about your business. Chalk it up as a failed attempt at meeting someone and move on to bigger and better things.

    The fact that this had you riled up is hilarious and the fact that you expect a response after sending him a hate letter is even funnier. You just bitched him out and you think he's gonna wanna respond to that? Good luck with that theory. You just gave him a reason to not want to talk to you now. You personally attacked him and, quite frankly, you probably don't know the full story about what's going on in his life. That's called a bitch move (very petty) and it's all because he stopped talking to you? Man up.

    Get over it and move on, dude.

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jan 17, 2012 4:58 PM GMT
    You have done so many threads like this that it seems like you get dumped on a regular basis. I am not unsympathetic to your relationship woes. However, correct me if I am wrong, but aren't you a paid escort? I apologize if I am mistaken, but didn't someone post your profile from the RentBoy.com site? Trust me, I am not judging you. You have to do what you have to do to make a living. However, it should come as no real surprise to you that finding a guy who wants to be in a serious relationship with someone in your line of work is problematic. I'm not saying it's impossible, but my guess is that it may have something to do with other guys wanting to get too close to you.
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    Jan 17, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Guy101 said
    Also what you did was way worse then what he did. You couldn't muster up the decency to say half that stuff to his face so you took the bitch route and wrote a letter. Kids and little girls do that. You would've seriously been better off not saying anything and going about your business. Chalk it up as a failed attempt at meeting someone and move on to bigger and better things.


    That was the point though. I wasn't interested in getting a response at this point. It was more like a, "okay...you want to waste several hours of my New Year's eve bitching to me about how you didn't enjoy your birthday, how I didn't live up to your un-voiced expectations, made me feel like total shit, and then you leave things 'open' when I accepted some of the wrong and said I'd improve but actually silently walk away instead? Oh you're going to hear it from me!"

    I would have gladly told him this in his face, but he didn't get around to facing me. He never picked up the phone. I would have also gladly taken my gifts back too because how fucking ungrateful is that to get a gift from someone and then bitch 2 weeks later saying you wanted something else? He didn't deserve those things from me.

    That asshole woke me up at 730 am bombarding me with text messages all day on New Year's Eve bitching about everything under the sun about everything over the course of our relationship and his birthday. Shit that he never mentioned to say or express at all during the time. He always seemed totally complacent and happy with things, never showing that side of him until that day.

    I don't feel bad at all for what I told him because someone needed to.

    CuriousJockAZ said I'm not saying it's impossible, but my guess is that it may have something to do with other guys wanting to get too close to you.


    Dude, he knew who I was before we even met LOL. And he got very close with me. The whole issue was over his birthday and how he didn't get a fancy dinner. That was what started all of this.
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    Jan 17, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle said
    miamimasseur said
    Alpha_Muscle saidGuys.... this has happened so often to me I just thought it was the norm. Your responses are shocking to me.

    I will really like a guy, and then we get closer, and then he seems to like me and RIGHT when it seems like it could ride over the bump and become a relationship he runs for the hills or disappears into a mist.



    Yep. It's happened to me so many times I thought it was the norm as well. Is this normal behavior in the gay dating world and the majority of gay men act like this or am I just somehow attracted to the guys who act like that? Either way, I've given up on the whole idea of romantic love. At least for me. It seems like a waste of time to give your love to someone who doesn't want it. Now, I'm just channeling my love towards friends and people in need.



    Dude! Dont give up! Remember that your keys are always in the last place you look!


    I love you, Alpha. Thanks for the word of encouragement!
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    Jan 18, 2012 7:03 AM GMT
    TallJock said
    Guy101 said
    Also what you did was way worse then what he did. You couldn't muster up the decency to say half that stuff to his face so you took the bitch route and wrote a letter. Kids and little girls do that. You would've seriously been better off not saying anything and going about your business. Chalk it up as a failed attempt at meeting someone and move on to bigger and better things.


    That was the point though. I wasn't interested in getting a response at this point. It was more like a, "okay...you want to waste several hours of my New Year's eve bitching to me about how you didn't enjoy your birthday, how I didn't live up to your un-voiced expectations, made me feel like total shit, and then you leave things 'open' when I accepted some of the wrong and said I'd improve but actually silently walk away instead? Oh you're going to hear it from me!"

    I would have gladly told him this in his face, but he didn't get around to facing me. He never picked up the phone. I would have also gladly taken my gifts back too because how fucking ungrateful is that to get a gift from someone and then bitch 2 weeks later saying you wanted something else? He didn't deserve those things from me.

    That asshole woke me up at 730 am bombarding me with text messages all day on New Year's Eve bitching about everything under the sun about everything over the course of our relationship and his birthday. Shit that he never mentioned to say or express at all during the time. He always seemed totally complacent and happy with things, never showing that side of him until that day.

    I don't feel bad at all for what I told him because someone needed to.

    CuriousJockAZ said I'm not saying it's impossible, but my guess is that it may have something to do with other guys wanting to get too close to you.


    Dude, he knew who I was before we even met LOL. And he got very close with me. The whole issue was over his birthday and how he didn't get a fancy dinner. That was what started all of this.


    You're under the assumption that he got the letter and even read it. Either way you still wasted your time by writing the letter and you're under the assumption that you did any good by it.

    Fuck that dude and take the man approach to this situation and just move on. He's not worth your time or your words.
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    Jan 18, 2012 7:04 AM GMT
    yes I would be bothered
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    Jan 20, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    You're under the assumption that he got the letter and even read it. Either way you still wasted your time by writing the letter and you're under the assumption that you did any good by it.

    Fuck that dude and take the man approach to this situation and just move on. He's not worth your time or your words.


    I did good by putting my words down on paper (e paper that is). Sometimes when I still get angry about it, I go back to that letter and read it again and makes me feel a little better.

    But I am moving on the best I can. I know I can find other guys. But you just don't understand how upset I am whenever I think about those text messages and all that BULL shit he was saying to me.

    It's like he's an idiot. How can he blame and get mad at me for something that he never took the time to voice?

    If he didn't get the letter or read it, what could have possibly happened to it? I know he got it. I sent it to his email.
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    Jan 21, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    Ok...so he responded back to my fuck off letter with another fuck off letter.

    He even said, "my ignoring you was my gift to you"

    What an idiot. I tell ya, that stuff is not good for the soul.
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    Jan 21, 2012 3:06 AM GMT
    lol if only i read this yesterday. Same thing happened to me. I was so confused and frustrated, went over our conversations million times tried to figure what went wrong. Still I have no idea, because the last text he sent me, he was laughing and making joke. I bothered so much but I'm glad I'm over it now. Give it a week or two dear
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    Jan 21, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    No, it's normally a relief.