Attracted to dudes, just not gay dudes?

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    Jan 15, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    I thought about this from another thread about whether you would want to be straight. I'm honest with myself that I'm into dudes. Textbook definition, that makes me gay. Unfortunately, cultural definition, this is only ONE aspect of many that define "gay".

    I've come to find in my about decade being in the gay world that I'm really not all that attracted to gay dudes, but I'm still attracted to dudes. I find myself more into straight or even bi guys because they seem to click more with my interests, outlook, and direction of my life. Yet, I know I'm never going to hook up with a straight guy, nor am I trying to "convert" them.

    Does anyone else feel this way, that a dude being gay is somewhat of a turn off?
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    I'm the same way.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    aedile245 saidI thought about this from another thread about whether you would want to be straight. I'm honest with myself that I'm into dudes. Textbook definition, that makes me gay. Unfortunately, cultural definition, this is only ONE aspect of many that define "gay".

    I've come to find in my about decade being in the gay world that I'm really not all that attracted to gay dudes, but I'm still attracted to dudes. I find myself more into straight or even bi guys because they seem to click more with my interests, outlook, and direction of my life. Yet, I know I'm never going to hook up with a straight guy, nor am I trying to "convert" them.

    Does anyone else feel this way, that a dude being gay is somewhat of a turn off?


    continually, when i read some of the posts here.

    just triflin.... triflin
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    Just curious to what your intrest are compared to the intrest of your average gay dude. Splain Ricky...plz
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    Pretty much the opposite. Finding out he's straight is a complete turn-off.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    So basically you want what you can't have. SO I imagine you turn yourself off.

    The funny thing is in the end you'll be with a gay dude by definition and your attraction is counter productive. LOL.
    You'll be single for awhile with that type thinking.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    I don't really understand this.

    So if you aren't attracted to gay men that means that you are only attracted to straight men who won't fuck you ? Isn't that slightly counter productive ? icon_razz.gif

    Also just because someone is gay it does not mean that they don't match your definition of what you find attractive, I think this site is a great example of that.

    Sexuality is so complex that I don't think anyone is just one way or another, plus I've met many straight guys who have incredibly camp persona's.

    Whether someone is gay/bi/straight, it has little to do with whether they are attractive or not. Someone's sexual preference does not = attraction in my view.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    Just read the OP's profile.. its explains everything.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Hillie saidJust curious to what your intrest are compared to the intrest of your average gay dude. Splain Ricky...plz


    Well, I'm on this website because I like watching sports, I want to get involved in sports, and I like to work out and keep fit. I like dudes like that. So far, I haven't found anyone local to me (Denver) who either fits that description or is willing to meet up and get to know each other.

    Maybe I had the wrong impression about this website and it's more about being into dudes like that rather than a website FOR dudes like that.

    Maybe I have the wrong impression about myself, maybe I don't actually come off as someone into working out, sports, fitness, or being active. So if that's the case, I'm not sure how to make it more apparent what my interests are and that I'm interested in a similar type of dude.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidI don't really understand this.

    So if you aren't attracted to gay men that means that you are only attracted to straight men who won't fuck you ? Isn't that slightly counter productive ? icon_razz.gif

    Also just because someone is gay it does not mean that they don't match your definition of what you find attractive, I think this site is a great example of that.

    Sexuality is so complex that I don't think anyone is just one way or another, plus I've met many straight guys who have incredibly camp persona's.

    Whether someone is gay/bi/straight, it has little to do with whether they are attractive or not. Someone's sexual preference does not = attraction in my view.


    You assume my prime motivation in a relationship is sex. I want someone who has similar interests and outlook, and so far, haven't found it.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:48 PM GMT
    aedile245 saidI thought about this from another thread about whether you would want to be straight. I'm honest with myself that I'm into dudes. Textbook definition, that makes me gay. Unfortunately, cultural definition, this is only ONE aspect of many that define "gay".

    I've come to find in my about decade being in the gay world that I'm really not all that attracted to gay dudes, but I'm still attracted to dudes. I find myself more into straight or even bi guys because they seem to click more with my interests, outlook, and direction of my life. Yet, I know I'm never going to hook up with a straight guy, nor am I trying to "convert" them.

    Does anyone else feel this way, that a dude being gay is somewhat of a turn off?

    Define "gay."

    I say that because gays cover the spectrum of "interests, outlook, and direction of [in] life." Gays are no different from straights except for their sexual orientation.

    So what are you talking about really?
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    TropicalMark saidJust read the OP's profile.. its explains everything.


    OK care to explain?
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    Caslon18453 said
    aedile245 saidI thought about this from another thread about whether you would want to be straight. I'm honest with myself that I'm into dudes. Textbook definition, that makes me gay. Unfortunately, cultural definition, this is only ONE aspect of many that define "gay".

    I've come to find in my about decade being in the gay world that I'm really not all that attracted to gay dudes, but I'm still attracted to dudes. I find myself more into straight or even bi guys because they seem to click more with my interests, outlook, and direction of my life. Yet, I know I'm never going to hook up with a straight guy, nor am I trying to "convert" them.

    Does anyone else feel this way, that a dude being gay is somewhat of a turn off?

    Define "gay."

    I say that because gays cover the spectrum of "interests, outlook, and direction of [in] life." Gsys are no different from straights except for their sexual orientation.

    So what are you talking about really?


    I like to workout and stay active, but maybe I don't attract dudes that are the same way because I'm not ripped and hugely muscular? Basically, I'd like to find a dude like myself, and I thought this website would be the place to find that, I just assumed this was a website for gay dudes into fitness and being active. Thus far, I haven't met anyone local and only talked to a few folks from across the US and Canada.

    I am attracted to dudes, like I said, but I want a dude like me, a dude that's into fitness, working out, and being active. But if I have to be a fitness model to get a guy like that, what's the point? I'm never going to have a six pack, I'm never going to be over six foot tall, I'm not going to be someone you find in a fitness magazine.

    I don't think I should have to be that to find a dude like myself who is into the gym, outdoors, and just doing fun active stuff, but maybe I'm wrong?
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    aedile245 said
    TropicalMark saidJust read the OP's profile.. its explains everything.


    OK care to explain?
    yep.. you're extremely narrow in who you care to associate with.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    Wow.. way to fight homophobia guys.. what an ignorant statement and point of view..
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    Yes me dude
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    aedile245 said
    Caslon18453 said
    aedile245 saidI thought about this from another thread about whether you would want to be straight. I'm honest with myself that I'm into dudes. Textbook definition, that makes me gay. Unfortunately, cultural definition, this is only ONE aspect of many that define "gay".

    I've come to find in my about decade being in the gay world that I'm really not all that attracted to gay dudes, but I'm still attracted to dudes. I find myself more into straight or even bi guys because they seem to click more with my interests, outlook, and direction of my life. Yet, I know I'm never going to hook up with a straight guy, nor am I trying to "convert" them.

    Does anyone else feel this way, that a dude being gay is somewhat of a turn off?

    Define "gay."

    I say that because gays cover the spectrum of "interests, outlook, and direction of [in] life." Gsys are no different from straights except for their sexual orientation.

    So what are you talking about really?


    I like to workout and stay active, but maybe I don't attract dudes that are the same way because I'm not ripped and hugely muscular? Basically, I'd like to find a dude like myself, and I thought this website would be the place to find that, I just assumed this was a website for gay dudes( I thought you said you were turned off by "gay dudes") into fitness and being active. Thus far, I haven't met anyone local and only talked to a few folks from across the US and Canada.

    I am attracted to dudes, like I said, but I want a dude like me, a dude that's into fitness, working out, and being active. But if I have to be a fitness model to get a guy like that, what's the point? I'm never going to have a six pack, I'm never going to be over six foot tall, I'm not going to be someone you find in a fitness magazine.

    I don't think I should have to be that to find a dude like myself who is into the gym, outdoors, and just doing fun active stuff, but maybe I'm wrong?
    You just proved my point. Not tryin to be a dick, but definitely pointing out the fallacy.
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    Jan 15, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    aedile245 said
    TropicalMark saidJust read the OP's profile.. its explains everything.


    OK care to explain?
    yep.. you're extremely narrow in who you care to associate with.


    Not really, friends wise, I don't care. I'm talking relationship wise, I'd like to find someone like me. I've dated all types of dudes, and I know what I like. It's not fair for me to date a dude that's not my type to string him along, is it? I'm not the gay scene, clubber, party and play, get f'd up and drunk type of dude. I just want an active partner, who has a job, has some direction in life, and cares about fitness. I want someone like me to date, I'm not asking for the moon, am I?

    Should I lower my standards and date someone "beneath" me? Someone without a job, into smoking weed/meth, not into working out, and having no goals or aspirations? I've tried that before, didn't last very long and the dude is in rehab now.
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    aedile245 saidI don't think I should have to be that to find a dude like myself who is into the gym, outdoors, and just doing fun active stuff, but maybe I'm wrong?

    Nope. You're not wrong at all, neither are you close-minded. You're just being honest with yourself and others as to what type of guy you're looking for. If anything, that's a very admirable quality.
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    aedile245 said
    TropicalMark said
    aedile245 said
    TropicalMark saidJust read the OP's profile.. its explains everything.


    OK care to explain?
    yep.. you're extremely narrow in who you care to associate with.


    Not really, friends wise, I don't care. I'm talking relationship wise, I'd like to find someone like me. I've dated all types of dudes, and I know what I like. It's not fair for me to date a dude that's not my type to string him along, is it? I'm not the gay scene, clubber, party and play, get f'd up and drunk type of dude. I just want an active partner, who has a job, has some direction in life, and cares about fitness. I want someone like me to date, I'm not asking for the moon, am I?

    Should I lower my standards and date someone "beneath" me? Someone without a job, into smoking weed/meth, not into working out, and having no goals or aspirations? I've tried that before, didn't last very long and the dude is in rehab now.
    Ah.......... now your beginning to understand. Do NOT equate those shortcomings with a "gay dude" or all gays. That's where you got yourself into hot water and will do so as long as you take that tack.

    You have pigeonholed your own sexuality.
    And NO, no one expects you to lower your standards. I wouldn't!
  • hottt1980

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    Jan 15, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    Truth be told I feel the same way. When I'm in the company out of their shell gay men, I can't relate. Its like when spark plugs go bad in your car. They misfire, backfire or there is simply no connectivity. What kinda specie am I?....lol...And some straight men irritate me, and not in a good way
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    aedile245 said
    Caslon18453 said
    aedile245 saidI thought about this from another thread about whether you would want to be straight. I'm honest with myself that I'm into dudes. Textbook definition, that makes me gay. Unfortunately, cultural definition, this is only ONE aspect of many that define "gay".

    I've come to find in my about decade being in the gay world that I'm really not all that attracted to gay dudes, but I'm still attracted to dudes. I find myself more into straight or even bi guys because they seem to click more with my interests, outlook, and direction of my life. Yet, I know I'm never going to hook up with a straight guy, nor am I trying to "convert" them.

    Does anyone else feel this way, that a dude being gay is somewhat of a turn off?

    Define "gay."

    I say that because gays cover the spectrum of "interests, outlook, and direction of [in] life." Gsys are no different from straights except for their sexual orientation.

    So what are you talking about really?


    I like to workout and stay active, but maybe I don't attract dudes that are the same way because I'm not ripped and hugely muscular? Basically, I'd like to find a dude like myself, and I thought this website would be the place to find that, I just assumed this was a website for gay dudes into fitness and being active. Thus far, I haven't met anyone local and only talked to a few folks from across the US and Canada.

    I am attracted to dudes, like I said, but I want a dude like me, a dude that's into fitness, working out, and being active. But if I have to be a fitness model to get a guy like that, what's the point? I'm never going to have a six pack, I'm never going to be over six foot tall, I'm not going to be someone you find in a fitness magazine.

    I don't think I should have to be that to find a dude like myself who is into the gym, outdoors, and just doing fun active stuff, but maybe I'm wrong?

    Well, maybe it's the proportions in the population. Remember, gays are only 10 percent. It is going to be harder to find gay guys. Period. Then when you start parcing the gay population by various criteria, it is going to get harder. Scant even. I think you just have to be more patient and keep looking. But dont get bitter when he isn't easy to find right off the bat. We are all in the same boat.
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    Caslon18453 saidGays are no different from straights except for their sexual orientation.

    BINGO! The magic words that someone once spoke to me, and that brought me out of denial. And I also use that philosophy when I'm trying to understand gay relationship issues. If I equate gay problems to a straight relationship situation, I can often see through the "gay fog" and find the solution.
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    veneblue saidYeah I agree with this post, It looks like it has to do with the bigger picture and how the stereotypical gay relationships are, and thats whats not compatible with some of us.


    Yeah, and that's one point I was trying to get across earlier in one of my replies. Sex isn't my prime motivation in a relationship. I get more enjoyment from spending time with a dude, doing something we both enjoy, hanging out and having fun, trying something new, learning some new skill. Stuff like that.

    Do I like getting sexual with a dude? Yep, it has it's time and place, but honestly, some of the dudes I've liked the most in my life are the ones where we never got sexual. We just enjoyed each other's company and doing fun stuff together. We both had fun, enjoyed some shared interests, and it rocked!
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    Jan 15, 2012 4:17 PM GMT
    I think what you may be trying to say (albeit very clumsily) is that you are gay, but not attracted to certain types of gay men. Well, that is hardly an astounding revelation.

    If you are seriously ruling yourself out of a relationship with any gay man, then I think you have a problem and you should probably seek professional help.