monogamy will the concept be a thing of the past for gay men, as we go further into the 21st century?

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    Jun 22, 2008 9:34 PM GMT
    As we enter the 21st century and the general society has become more accepting of gay lifestyle, do you think Monagomy will become stronger or weaker? I've noticed many people say it is not a gay world concept, more of a straight world concept. I personally, hope that they are wrong. Curious to learn what other people think?
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    Jun 22, 2008 10:46 PM GMT
    I don't understand the question...
    Are you saying you hope it is a "gay world concept" (no monogamy in relationships)? Or, that monogamy in gay relationships doesn't become a thing of the past?

    I do agree with those that believe its NOT a "gay-concept"....the heterosexual divorce rate certainly disproves any notion that straight-men are more monogamous...I've also started to know more and more heterosexual couples that "play together"....I always find it interesting its the man sorta pushing that concept though. Surprise, surprise.icon_rolleyes.gif

    I do think monogamy is probably going to become less "expected" as morals and values are changing in society, but...as long as I'm alive, they'll be at least one man, gay or straight that still lives by it.icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 22, 2008 11:06 PM GMT
    I understand the question at hand.

    I don't think in the long run it will change all that much. Men are men, in so many ways when it comes to sex and commitment.

    The str8 and bi community[s] have proven marriage is a failed institution.. marriage is a man made thing, by religion. made at a time when 40 was very old, and so death till us part was not all that long.

    Now people can live to be 100+ So until death do we part can be a very long time.

    Men are also visual species, and get bored looking at the same thing day in, day out. No matter how beautiful their partner may well be.

    Look at all the guys here whom claim to be in a monogamous relationship, but yet like too look at all the diffrent beauties here. Window shopping normally leeds to shopping.

    We will see more and more men, and girls having commitment ceremonies, and in time more and more wanting too be released from them.

    The face of it may look diffrent. But in the long run it will all be much of the same.

    Plus you have guys whom have had a commitment ceremony, so they are entitled to the other estate on death. Whats love got to do with it?
  • NorthFl

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    Jun 22, 2008 11:06 PM GMT
    "monogamy, a thing of the past". I hope not
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    Jun 23, 2008 12:46 AM GMT
    I would have been a COMPLETE WHORE but thanks to deadly STDs roaming around I have to be monogamous. icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 23, 2008 1:41 AM GMT
    Monagomy will become stronger!!
    I have to believe this, to believe my soul mate is out there..
  • Timbales

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    Jun 23, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    People who say gay men can't or should be monogamous are just reacting to the feeling of rejection by society.

    Gay men are people, plain and simple. For some, it's all about monogamy, for others it is not. Just be honest and true to yourself and whoever you are with.
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    Jun 23, 2008 2:57 AM GMT
    Is monogamy a thing of the present? It certainly isn't a thing of the past and I doubt it will be a thing of the future.
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    Jun 23, 2008 7:50 AM GMT
    As soon as the gay mafia conquers the world, everybody will either be Gay or Bisexual and must have a wife and a husband each (both men and women) in overlapping civil unions.

    And thus it shall come to pass...

    And the beast shall rise from the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns, ten crowns, and upon his heads are really really weird hats...

    And the beast, which I saw, was like to Britney Spears, and his feet were as the feet of a Shaquille O'Neal, and his mouth was as the mouth of a Chris Crocker. And the cookies gave him his own strength, and great power...

    ...

    Cookies?!

    WHERE?!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jun 24, 2008 1:34 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidIs monogamy a thing of the present? It certainly isn't a thing of the past and I doubt it will be a thing of the future.
    Did you mean to post this on my sarcasm thread?icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 1:43 PM GMT
    I find that more str8 couples are coming to the "dark side." With the increasing divorce rate here in the states (and so soon after marriage), it seems as if the gays and str8s are switching what have been considered "contemporary roles." However, monogamy will never be a thing of the past.
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    Jun 24, 2008 1:59 PM GMT
    swimbikerun said]Did you mean to post this on my sarcasm thread?icon_biggrin.gif


    Despite boat loads of statistical evidence people seem to think monogamy is the norm. After watching movies about penguins, people seem to think it is the norm in animals too. But the reality is almost all animals, including animals, do not practice sexual monogamy, though some practice social monogamy.
    Biologically humans are made to sleep around. For our body weight, we have very large testicles. Large testicles because we need to produce lots of semen. Lots of semen because we are sleeping with anything that moves. And sleeping with anything that moves because god is it fun.
    Humans society has evolved into this rigorously monogamous thing while biologically we are still cum soaked chimps. I am not saying monogamy is bad and we should do away with it. Just perhaps rewrite the terms of our own relationships to fit the couple rather than transposing a model of social and sexual monogamy on each and every one of us.

    So, nope. No sarcasm here. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:02 PM GMT
    I think monogamy is becoming more common in the gay community, not less. In the 1970's gay men who were in monogamous LTR were considered freakish. Then it came back into vogue with the AIDS crisis in the 1980's.

    Some men have trouble with monogamy, others don't, it really depends on the individual.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:14 PM GMT

    First I believe from my own experience that monogamy is not a thing of the past. In fact, with the further acceptance of homosexuality and gay marriage, it gives a lot of gay men hope that their relationships can last longer or forever. We are all able to see that and understand that it isn't some sickness but a real lifestyle that deserves respect.

    I disagree with this quote though...

    [quote][cite]Pattison said[/cite]
    Look at all the guys here whom claim to be in a monogamous relationship, but yet like too look at all the diffrent beauties here. Window shopping normally leeds to shopping.
    quote]

    Anybody, gay or straight married or not, male or female looks. And checking out a hot male here certainly doesn't mean that I'm going to go and hook up with someone and ruin my relationship.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:27 PM GMT
    Monogamy is a state of mind, self control and a desire to be. Men are aesthetic creatures and we men (gay or straight) will ALWAYS have a wandering eye, however it is up to the individual if they act upon it or not. As for Open Relationships, that's a decision that those two Men decide upon, and if it works for them GREAT! If not, then it doesn't. Being Monogamous is not a Human trait it is a learned trait.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:28 PM GMT
    I guess that monogamy doesn't differ gay or straight.
    If you want to experience monogamy, you live monogamously.
    It's as simple as that.

    I think that if your partner can satisfy you in every way you desire -not just in bed-, you won't seek others.
    But who am I to judge icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 3:04 PM GMT
    polobutt said
    Anybody, gay or straight married or not, male or female looks. And checking out a hot male here certainly doesn't mean that I'm going to go and hook up with someone and ruin my relationship.



    I agree, polobutt. Looking is not buying. I'm in a primarily monogamous relationship where we've experimented with opening it up every now and then (when we're apart). It hasn't diminished my commitment to my partner; in fact, it's strengthened it.

    Sure, when we're together I (or he) might look at other men but we would not sacrifice each other for some random dude. And to be quite honest, the best part about opening up our relationship was the realisation that while sex with other men is fun, I've got the best thing at home-- the sex, the love, the intellectual stimulation, the everything. And with gay marriage becoming more accepted, I intend to hold onto it and to commit more fully when we're both ready.

  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jun 24, 2008 8:20 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    For our body weight, we have very large testicles.Large testicles because we need to produce lots of semen. Lots of semen because we are sleeping with anything that moves. And sleeping with anything that moves because god is it fun.

    Is this based on your field studies? If so, could you provide some data, reports, transcripts, logs or video material?

    Seriously though, your MunchingZombie profile lists Monogamous so I simply assumed...
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    Jun 25, 2008 3:23 AM GMT
    Swimbikerun,

    I am in a monogamous relationship. I am just saying that monogamy isn't natural for our species. That doesn't make it a bad thing, there is just a lot working against it in our very nature.
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    Jun 25, 2008 3:46 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said Human society has evolved into this rigorously monogamous thing while biologically we are still cum soaked chimps.


    Elegant. icon_smile.gif
  • swimbikerun

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    Jun 25, 2008 4:01 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidSwimbikerun,

    I am in a monogamous relationship. I am just saying that monogamy isn't natural for our species. That doesn't make it a bad thing, there is just a lot working against it in our very nature.

    Lol, ahhh very interesting! And yet, many would say the very same thing about homosexuality itself.

    If it is not a natural thing, from where does it arise?
    Anything worth having is worth working for.


    MunchingZombie said Human society has evolved into this rigorously monogamous thing while biologically we are still cum soaked chimps.

    Wonderfully sublime!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2008 4:18 AM GMT
    I believe that monogamy is totally natural...
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    Jun 25, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    I believe in monogamy. Look at all the people that are fighting for the legalization of gay marriage. My friends went to the Gay Pride festival here and they met some couples that have been together for over 30 years together and have gone to California to finally get married. If anything, that gives me so much hope.

    I would like to say that there is one person out there for everyone, but I don’t know how much I believe that anymore. From what I have seen…it is the common practice to just “trade each other around” or just sleep around with as many as possible. For some people I know, they have no desire to get married. I know at least one person from every category (gay, straight, bi, male, and female) that would rather stay single and live their own life their own way. The concept of marriage today really just depends on each individual person.

    It is my dream to someday have a husband. I would love to wake up every morning, roll over, and see him dreaming away. I want to have that purely monogamous relationship that lasts till the end of time. I could go for hours about this, but I won’t. ;)

    My faith in my community may be fading, but my faith in achieving my dream of a monogamous relationship will never die.
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    Jun 25, 2008 5:07 AM GMT
    I am so happy to have found my one...

    And there are a few guys on here that I have met face to face who can vouch for my ability to be manogamous. Even when pushed.

    I believe that they gay community is changing and that we are truly at a new mount.

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    Jun 25, 2008 1:28 PM GMT
    I would tend to agree with MunchingZombie-- I am in a monogamous relationship but I don't know that I believe monogamy is totally natural. And that's only because I don't like the idea of categorising human behaviour as 'natural' or 'unnatural'; that is, of course, where arguments about homosexuality being unnatural spring from.

    But moreover, I don't know that these sorts of arguments really get us anywhere. Monogamy, like open relationships, is a choice that people make and there are many good reasons for it to be the preferred option. Given that I want a family with children one day, it is my preferred option because I think it will be beneficial for my (eventual) children to have a two-parent home. (Not that I'm knocking single parents, as a child of divorce myself.)

    Still, I've experimented with a period of openness with my partner and it wasn't all jealousy and rage, sex and destruction. It actually brought us closer together and made me realise how lucky I am to have him and how much I really do want a future with him. Our period of openness was a valve to release some pressure-- pressure from the fact that, despite however mature I might feel, I am 22 and still want to run around and feel like a free agent. I don't want to be a free agent, I just want the feeling every now and then. And so does he. So rather than looking at openness or other men as a threat to our relationship, we found a way to make it work within our relationship.

    In my opinion, monogamy and Open relationships are not either/or propositions, just like one is not necessarily more natural than the other. One can be preferable to the other for different people and varying reasons but let's call it what it is: a personal choice that everyone should be free to make.

    :-)