LTR Jaded?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2008 9:46 PM GMT
    I put 150% into a relationship that lasted 15 years but ended in disaster and dissapointment.

    Now, after 4 years of being single ( and happy), I still cringe at the thought of being in another LTR.

    Is this normal? I'm kinda waiting for day when I will feel the need for a steady mate, but as each day passes, I only grow more convinced that being single is better for me.

    How do I get over this jaded (i think) feeling?
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    Jun 22, 2008 9:55 PM GMT
    I don't get whats wrong with it, you don't need someone to be happy with, you've no real need for a relationship.

    It isnt wrong to not want a relationship, you don't "have" to partner up with someone.

    After a long term relationship my self I'm not interested in finding anyone either, the prospect of being alone for a long time is both exciting and increasingly more desirable over everything else!

    I say, if you find joy in your life, you can wake up ever day and feel like you aren't missing something, then you shouldn't feel the need to hook up with someone just because everyone else is doing it.

    After all, you aren't a sheep mate!
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    Jun 22, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    I'm feeling the same way, KissingPro, and my last LTR ended only 16 months ago. I doubt I'll ever have another.
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    Jun 22, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    I was in a relationship that last 3 years and ended very bad. Not exactly 15 years I know. It took me a while before i wanted to even start dating let alone think about an LTR, now I know Im ready though.
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    Jun 22, 2008 11:30 PM GMT
    "How do I get over this jaded feeling?"

    Why bother? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
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    Jun 23, 2008 12:03 AM GMT
    I was also in a 15 year relationship that ended 2 years ago...I am just now wading into the dating waters. I would rather be in a relationship, but I will date longer this time around!
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    Jun 23, 2008 12:07 AM GMT
    I'm not sure I'm a relationship kind of guy. I like the guys I date - but no commitment with any of the four - and we all seem to like seeing other guys right now.
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    Jun 23, 2008 12:20 AM GMT
    KissingPro saidI put 150% into a relationship that lasted 15 years but ended in disaster and dissapointment.
    Now, after 4 years of being single ( and happy), I still cringe at the thought of being in another LTR.
    Is this normal? I'm kinda waiting for day when I will feel the need for a steady mate, but as each day passes, I only grow more convinced that being single is better for me.
    How do I get over this jaded feeling?

    I use the term "cautious" vs. jaded or bitter.
    I ended my 17 year relationship in 2001 and I've remained single ever since and for the most part, I'm cautiously optimistic and happy being on my own, basically for the first time in my adult life.
    I'd like to do the "old-fashion" dating thing, but nobody seems interested in doing that these days. My core group of close friends do their best to counsel me on opening myself up to the possibility of dating, but warn me that in person, I come across as distant and not-interested when a guy expresses interest in me, even if I might like them...my Mom once told me she never loved my Dad. In fact, she'd never been in love. I sorta think, if I never meet another man to love, that's okay, because I've been lucky to have loved and been loved by two great guys in my lifetime.icon_biggrin.gif I'm totally okay with a future of singledom.
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    Jun 23, 2008 12:47 AM GMT
    All you guys have given me good advice...thanks...Most of my life I have been in relationships.....male or female....and for me, this is the first time I am single...it was difficult at first ....but I like it more and more........The reason I posted the question is because it seems everyone is searching for that special someone......it seems people think you have to be partnered and in love in order to be truly happy and complete.....yes, love is a beautiful thing....but being single is also beautiful and complete.

    Maybe, if a good guy came along with the possibilities of love, I will be more sure of myself and what I want and need in order to be happy.
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    Jun 23, 2008 12:47 AM GMT

    Congratulations

    You sound jaded, but I can't figure out why! You got fourteen years with someone, that is awesome! Yeah, I know maybe the last 2-3 years were awful, but that still leaves 11 or 12 good years!

    You know what this says to me? YOU'RE GOOD!, the kind of man that should definitely give it a shot again. LOL, the ones who have a relationship every six months and none of their relationships last longer than that are the ones who should be jaded. They clearly are doing something wrong. But you, you kept one for longer than a decade!!!!, give me some pointers, girl?
    .................................

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    Jun 23, 2008 1:06 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    You sound jaded, but I can't figure out why! You got fourteen years with someone, that is awesome! Yeah, I know maybe the last 2-3 years were awful, but that still leaves 11 or 12 good years!

    You know what this says to me? YOU'RE GOOD!, the kind of man that should definitely give it a shot again. LOL, the ones who have a relationship every six months and none of their relationships last longer than that are the ones who should be jaded. They clearly are doing something wrong. But you, you kept one for longer than a decade!!!!, give me some pointers, girl?



    I gotta disagree, I don't think he sounds jaded at all, in fact, just the opposite, hes learning that he doesn't need a man to be happy, he doesn't have to be coupled to find contentment in his life.

    THAT is a good thing, THAT is what he needs, then, at some point down the line, if he is ready and willing (which I'm sure he is or will be) someone will come along that will be just right for him, or maybe not, but either way, to find happiness and contentment with just your self, knowing that even without a partner you can still enjoy life, that, is what life is about, well, at least thats what I think it is!
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    Jun 23, 2008 1:14 AM GMT
    you guys are good
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    Jun 23, 2008 1:22 AM GMT

    Well, he only said in his original post that he feels jaded. And who needs to be alone? He was with a guy for fourteen years, that doesn't sound like the type of person who likes to be alone. Besides, he's a big boy, I'm sure he found out who he was a long time ago. Now it's time to find a man, i'm rooting for you, KissingPro!!

    Don't be jaded, honey, and don't be alone and don't be content with being alone unless you want to. If you want man again, be open and receptive, don't be guarded and don't be jaded because someone out there is looking for someone who's ready to try with them. Go find him, and leave the being lonely to the experts.
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    Jun 23, 2008 3:01 AM GMT
    there is nothing wrong with being alone, esp after the fact that you have experienced love for that many years, wich is alot more than many of us can say, its like that saying "those who have not experienced true love has not lived" but you my friend have!! so relish and reflect in the joy and passion that you have felt, find that happiness and peace within yourself, think of life as a adventure, keep things simple, and if anything as far as romantic prospects are in your cards look on the bright side...you have had plenty of experience, so im sure you will know what to do!! good luckicon_smile.gif
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    Jun 23, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    pakgreekguy saidthere is nothing wrong with being alone, esp after the fact that you have experienced love for that many years, wich is alot more than many of us can say, its like that saying "those who have not experienced true love has not lived" but you my friend have!! so relish and reflect in the joy and passion that you have felt, find that happiness and peace within yourself, think of life as a adventure, keep things simple, and if anything as far as romantic prospects are in your cards look on the bright side...you have had plenty of experience, so im sure you will know what to do!! good luckicon_smile.gif


    WOW...thanks
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    Jun 23, 2008 3:20 AM GMT
    Pro, I know what you're talking about (well, on an abbreviated scale)... my relationship ended around a month ago, lasted about a year and a half, and I know that's not THAT long, but it's about four times anything I'd help together before.
    Might not be exactly what you're feeling, but I wonder if I'm going to say "nope" to people before I give them a chance, because I'll detect something that I think might be a deal breaker and I think "my ass am I going to fall into that trap again." So maybe not necessarily jaded, but extra (or overly) cautious?
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    Jun 23, 2008 3:36 AM GMT
    novembermike saidPro, I know what you're talking about (well, on an abbreviated scale)... my relationship ended around a month ago, lasted about a year and a half, and I know that's not THAT long, but it's about four times anything I'd help together before.
    Might not be exactly what you're feeling, but I wonder if I'm going to say "nope" to people before I give them a chance, because I'll detect something that I think might be a deal breaker and I think "my ass am I going to fall into that trap again." So maybe not necessarily jaded, but extra (or overly) cautious?


    exactly...more open eyed to red flags.
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    Jun 23, 2008 4:00 AM GMT
    ......................................Jade
  • gym_rat_7

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    Jun 30, 2008 1:47 PM GMT
    I'm in a 13 year LTR that is not doing well. Some of the important things like communication, sex and common interests are gone. We are like roommates now and I would like more than being just roommates. My partner seems happy the way things are...he simply does not want to live alone. He does not care that we don't talk or have sex anymore.

    So, I have been in a struggle the last 5 years deciding what to do about it. I don't have the strength, yet, for the emotional toll that a breakup involves...but I guess I will reach a point someday where it won't matter anymore and I'll move out. And then, I'm not sure if dating will be something I will be interested in or not...at least not for a while.
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    Jun 30, 2008 2:18 PM GMT
    I was happy until this weekend. Funny how things change. I still love him and the sex is good but it only took one really painful fight, where he was totally childish and disparaging. And now I have serious doubt. He's apologized, made the grand gesture, and we've talked it through. We had a make-up dinner and it was wonderful, I really do love him.

    But I haven't been able to shake the sadness. This happened Friday. How long does it take to get over a really, really bad fight? And I am starting to wonder if I would prefer being single again.
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    Jun 30, 2008 4:28 PM GMT
    gym_rat_7 saidI'm in a 13 year LTR that is not doing well. Some of the important things like communication, sex and common interests are gone. We are like roommates now and I would like more than being just roommates. My partner seems happy the way things are...he simply does not want to live alone. He does not care that we don't talk or have sex anymore.

    So, I have been in a struggle the last 5 years deciding what to do about it. I don't have the strength, yet, for the emotional toll that a breakup involves...but I guess I will reach a point someday where it won't matter anymore and I'll move out. And then, I'm not sure if dating will be something I will be interested in or not...at least not for a while.


    You gotta make a change...even if you are risking a lot and venturing into the unknown world of being single. It was the hardest, but best decision I ever made.

    You may not realize it now, but if you guys separate.......you will gradually see all the things you compromised and missed in that relationship, and you will realize that you deserve better......you deserve the things that make you happy.

    The security of a relationship and a living situation that is stable but disfunctional is not worth the cost of being unhappy.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 30, 2008 11:39 PM GMT
    gym_rat_7 saidI'm in a 13 year LTR that is not doing well. Some of the important things like communication, sex and common interests are gone. We are like roommates now and I would like more than being just roommates. My partner seems happy the way things are...he simply does not want to live alone. He does not care that we don't talk or have sex anymore.

    So, I have been in a struggle the last 5 years deciding what to do about it. I don't have the strength, yet, for the emotional toll that a breakup involves...but I guess I will reach a point someday where it won't matter anymore and I'll move out. And then, I'm not sure if dating will be something I will be interested in or not...at least not for a while.


    Guys...Guys...Guys icon_sad.gif

    There is Nothing wrong with being single
    Why in the world would you wanna be in a home with someone you don't love and wanna be with??

    KissingPro... if that's what you want to be single great
    Don't listen to what everybody else says
    but don't let a fear of relationships keep you from one if thats what you want either

    and gym rat
    Think of all the energy you could have put elsewhere
    into yourself or someone else really worthwhile
    instead of wasting it on this guy and the relationship that's basically over anyway...
    When something dies you need to walk away
    literally and figuratively
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    Jun 30, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    My last relationship was almost 4 years, ended at the end of 06. I'm not skittish now...but I figure a life has enough time in it for 3 or 4 great love affairs...provided the ouija board was wrong and I live past that car wreck on my 46th birthday, ha! Anyway, point is, men, friends, etc...they come and go, as does love, in many forms. I feel a lot of love from my friends now, and oddly enough my family, so I'm not fretting a lack of stomach fluttering romance.

    So I say, don't worry it.